Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid repetition (e.g., “for the whole day” and “throughout the day”). Use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and gives me extra energy. For example, upbeat songs help me stay motivated during a long workday, so I can concentrate better on my tasks.

제안: Avoid repetition and unclear claims. Give one or two concrete reasons and use linking words. Keep to 2–3 sentences maximum and correct small grammar issues (e.g., “make me feel more excited”, “different kinds of music”).

예시: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because upbeat rhythms energise me. In addition, listening to different styles of happy songs often inspires new ideas for playlists or workouts.

제안: Provide a direct answer, then one specific reason with clearer grammar. Avoid repeating the same cause. Use linking words like “because” or “so” just once.

예시: No, I haven’t taken any music classes. This is because there are very few music schools in my hometown, so it’s hard to find affordable lessons or qualified teachers.

제안: Be slightly more precise and vary vocabulary. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a brief example and explain the effect using a linking word. Avoid odd phrasing like “improve my discipline” unless you clarify how.

예시: Yes, I often listen to music while doing tasks such as cooking, running or washing my car. For instance, upbeat hip-hop tracks keep me motivated during a run and help me maintain a steady pace.

× I prefer happy music as it can improve your morale for the whole day and gives you a boost of energy for throughout the day which can improve your productivity and focus on many tasks.

✓ I prefer happy music as it can improve my morale for the whole day and give me a boost of energy throughout the day, which can improve my productivity and focus on many tasks.

The sentence uses the second-person pronoun 'your' while the speaker is talking about themselves; change to 'my' for consistency. 'Gives you a boost' should match subject and pronoun: changed to 'give me a boost' to keep verb agreement with the modal structure 'can' + base verb. 'For throughout the day' is redundant and incorrect; use 'throughout the day'. Also added a comma before 'which' to clarify the nonrestrictive clause. Suggestion: keep pronouns consistent with the speaker and avoid redundant prepositions.

× Yes, so absolutely happy music makes me more feel more excited because it helps me to generate new ideas and it can improve my knowledge about different kind of music and as a result it can make me feel more excited.

✓ Yes, absolutely, happy music makes me feel more excited because it helps me generate new ideas and can improve my knowledge about different kinds of music; as a result, it makes me feel more excited.

The original has awkward adverb placement and repetition: 'more feel more excited' is incorrect; correct order is 'feel more excited'. 'Absolutely' should be set off by commas. 'Helps me to generate' is acceptable but 'helps me generate' is more natural. 'Different kind of music' should be 'different kinds of music' for plural. Repetition of 'it can make me feel more excited' is redundant; simplify to 'as a result, it makes me feel more excited'. Suggestions: place adverbs near the verb they modify, avoid repetition, and use plural with 'different'.

× No, I have not taken any music classes till now because it is difficult to find a music class near my hometown because it is not a common in my area to learn music and instrumental things.

✓ No, I have not taken any music classes so far because it is difficult to find a music class near my hometown; it is not common in my area to learn music or instruments.

The present perfect with 'so far' (or 'till now') is acceptable; replace 'till now' with 'so far' for naturalness. Remove the repeated 'because' and fix article use: 'a music class' is fine once. 'Not a common' is incorrect; use 'not common'. 'Instrumental things' is awkward; use 'instruments'. Suggestions: avoid repeating conjunctions, use 'so far' with present perfect, and choose precise nouns (instruments).

× Yes, I like to listen to music while doing a lot of task, for example while cooking, running and washing my car. So I like to listen happy music like hip hop and rap music which helps me to stay focused and improve my discipline.

✓ Yes, I like to listen to music while doing a lot of tasks, for example cooking, running, and washing my car. I like to listen to upbeat music such as hip hop and rap, which helps me stay focused and improve my discipline.

'A lot of task' is incorrect; use 'a lot of tasks' (plural). In lists, verbs after 'for example' can be reduced: 'for example cooking, running, and washing my car.' 'Listen happy music' is incorrect; say 'listen to upbeat music' or 'listen to happy music'. 'Like hip hop and rap music' is repetitive; 'such as hip hop and rap' is concise. Also remove unnecessary 'to' after 'helps me' and use parallel structure 'helps me stay focused and improve my discipline'. Suggestions: ensure noun quantifiers agree (tasks), use 'listen to', and keep parallel verb forms.