Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason with a brief example. Avoid redundant phrases like “for me” and “because it's really.” Also vary vocabulary (e.g., ‘uplifting’ or ‘cheerful’) to show range.

예시: I prefer happy music. It lifts my mood and helps me stay upbeat, especially when I’m commuting or getting ready in the morning.

제안: Give a clearer topic sentence and one specific contrast or explanation using a linking word. Avoid repeating negatives and vague phrases like “I feel like.” Use precise language to describe the emotional effect.

예시: Not usually; rather than making me excited, happy music puts me in a calm, cheerful mood. For example, upbeat acoustic songs make me relaxed but positive while I study.

제안: Provide a direct answer, then explain briefly why you haven’t taken classes or express a clear preference for taking one in the future. Avoid repetition and incorrect phrasing like “such thing.” Use linking words for coherence.

예시: No, I haven't taken any music classes, but I would like to learn in the future because I want to play the guitar and understand music theory.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two concise specific examples of activities and briefly explain the benefit. Correct grammar (e.g., “gives me peace of mind”) and avoid short fragmented sentences.

예시: Yes, I often listen to music while doing chores or cleaning my room because it gives me peace of mind and makes repetitive tasks more enjoyable; for instance, I play upbeat pop when I tidy up and soft jazz while I cook.

× For me, I prefer happy music because it's really fun to listen to something more positive.

✓ For me, I prefer happy music because it's really fun to listen to something more positive.

No grammatical correction is needed for pronoun use in this sentence. The sentence is acceptable as is. Keep in mind 'for me' is a common conversational phrase; alternatively 'I prefer' alone is sufficient.

× It doesn't. It doesn't really make me excited, but I feel like it just makes me feel more neutrally happy.

✓ It doesn't really make me excited, but I feel like it just makes me feel more neutrally happy.

The original included an unnecessary short sentence 'It doesn't.' followed by a fuller sentence. Combining them removes redundancy. Verb forms 'doesn't make' and 'makes' are correct for third person singular subject 'it'. No tense change required.

× No, I've never taken a music class, but I prefer to. But I've never experienced such thing before.

✓ No, I've never taken a music class, but I'd like to. I've never experienced such a thing before.

Replace 'I prefer to' with 'I'd like to' to convey desire to take a class; 'prefer to' is incomplete without a comparison. Also change 'such thing' to 'such a thing' to include the required article 'a' before singular countable noun.

× Of course it gives me a piece of mind. I really love it. I'll mostly when I clean my room, do my chores. I love playing music in the background.

✓ Of course it gives me peace of mind. I really love it. I mostly listen to music when I clean my room or do my chores. I love playing music in the background.

Several issues: 'a piece of mind' is incorrect idiom; correct phrase is 'peace of mind'. 'I'll mostly when I clean my room, do my chores' is ungrammatical: add the verb 'listen to' and place adverb 'mostly' before verb: 'I mostly listen to music when I clean my room or do my chores.' Use 'or' to connect alternatives. These changes fix sentence structure and word choice.