Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar; start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Reduce fillers (umm, yeah) and correct verb agreement. Use linking words like “because” and “so” to connect ideas.

예시: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and motivates me during the day. For example, upbeat pop songs make me feel energetic in the morning, so I can start work with a positive attitude.

제안: Give a direct answer first (yes/no) then support it with a clear example. Avoid contradictory statements and repetition. Use precise vocabulary (genres, tempo, rhythm) and linking words like “for example” and “however.”

예시: Yes, happy music often makes me feel excited. For example, fast-tempo pop or dance tracks with strong beats get me energized, whereas some country songs have a slower tempo and make me feel pleasant rather than excited.

제안: Answer directly and use past tense consistently. Provide one or two specific details about what you learned and why it mattered. Remove fillers and fix small errors (e.g., ‘third saxophone’ → ‘third saxophonist’).

예시: Yes, I joined the Suleiman University band in college as the third saxophonist. I practiced with an instructor every weekday afternoon to improve my technique and learn how my part fit with the ensemble.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence and then give specific conditions and examples. Remove hesitations and correct phrasing (e.g., ‘music that tells a story’). Use linking words like “for example” and “so” to clarify why you choose certain music.

예시: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other tasks, but it depends on the activity. For example, when I work I prefer instrumental music—such as Baroque classical pieces—because they help me concentrate without distracting lyrics.

× Personally I would prefer happy music because it doesn't just sound good but it also try.

✓ Personally I would prefer happy music because it doesn't just sound good but it also tries.

Subject-verb agreement: 'it' (singular) requires the third-person singular verb form 'tries' not the base form 'try'. Use present simple 'tries' to match 'doesn't just sound' in the same clause. Suggestion: Use 'it also tries' or rephrase 'and it also makes me feel good' for clarity.

× But this type of music actually umm, gives me a sense of purpose throughout the day as well as makes my emotions umm, happy or yeah basically happy, not sad.

✓ But this type of music actually gives me a sense of purpose throughout the day and makes my emotions happy rather than sad.

Use of parallel structure and appropriate conjunction: 'gives ... as well as makes' is awkward; 'and makes' creates correct parallel verb structure. Remove filler words and redundancies. 'Rather than' better contrasts happy and sad. Suggestion: Keep parallel verbs and avoid repeated words.

× There are actually, umm, many types of happy music, one of which are those music that makes you feel excited, but that all music makes me excited.

✓ There are actually many types of happy music; one of them is music that makes you feel excited, but not all music makes me excited.

Multiple issues: 'one of which are' is incorrect — 'one of them is' or 'one of which is' is correct. 'Those music' should be 'music' or 'those kinds of music'. Also needed negative 'not all music' to convey intended meaning. Ensure subject-verb agreement: 'music that makes'. Suggestion: Use 'one of them is' and 'not all music' for clarity.

× There are those like country music which has this specific rhythm that when you hear hear them, they actually tell a happy story, but it's a slow umm type of music.

✓ There are genres like country music which have a specific rhythm that, when you hear it, actually tells a happy story, although it can be a slow type of music.

Preposition/pronoun agreement and subject-verb agreement: 'when you hear hear them' wrong pronoun; use 'hear it' referring to 'music'. 'Which has' should be 'which have' if referring to 'genres' or change to singular 'country music which has'. Ensure commas around the clause and replace repeated 'hear'. Suggestion: Keep pronouns consistent with their nouns and use commas for clarity.

× Yes, actually when I was in college I joined the Suleiman University band as a umm, third saxophone.

✓ Yes, actually when I was in college I joined the Suleiman University band as the third saxophonist.

Word choice and role noun: 'third saxophone' is incorrect; use the person 'third saxophonist'. Past tense 'joined' is correct. Use article 'the' for a specific role. Suggestion: Use role nouns (saxophonist) and 'the' for a specific position.

× So I was there with our instructor during weekday afternoons and trying to, umm, learn the saxophone and how it it would contribute to the band.

✓ So I was there with our instructor during weekday afternoons, trying to learn the saxophone and how it would contribute to the band.

Use of participle clause: 'and trying' after 'was there' should be connected with a comma and not include another finite verb. Remove duplicated 'it'. The structure 'was there ... trying' correctly links the actions. Suggestion: Use a comma before the participle phrase and avoid duplicate words.

× Yes, but it would depend on what type of music UMM I'll be listening to UMM for.

✓ Yes, but it depends on what type of music I'll be listening to.

Modal/tense mismatch: 'it would depend' is conditional/unnecessary; present simple 'it depends' is appropriate when stating habitual behavior. Also remove redundant 'for'. Suggestion: Use present simple for habitual statements: 'it depends'.

× For example, when I work I don't usually listen to music that tell a story or basically music with that has lyrics.

✓ For example, when I work I don't usually listen to music that tells a story or music that has lyrics.

Subject-verb agreement: 'music that tell' should be 'music that tells'. Remove redundant words 'basically' and fix clause 'with that has' to 'that has'. Suggestion: Use 'music that tells' and avoid unnecessary filler words.

× I usually pick a music that's you know umm full instrumental.

✓ I usually pick music that's, you know, fully instrumental.

Article error and adjective/adverb form: 'a music' is incorrect — 'music' is uncountable so no article. 'full instrumental' should be 'fully instrumental' (adverb + adjective) or 'a full instrumental piece'. Suggestion: Use uncountable noun without 'a' and use 'fully instrumental'.

× Basically like classical music in baroque.

✓ Basically, I mean classical music from the Baroque period.

Incorrect preposition and capitalization: 'in baroque' should be 'from the Baroque period' or 'Baroque music'. 'Baroque' is a proper noun (period/style) and needs capitalization. Also provide clearer phrasing. Suggestion: Say 'classical music from the Baroque period' or 'Baroque music'.