Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Shorten repetition and give one specific reason or example. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one supporting detail with a linking word. Use natural phrasing (avoid phrases like “boosts my inner soul”).

예시: I prefer happy music. For example, upbeat songs with lively rhythms lift my mood when I’m stressed, so I often play them while commuting to stay positive.

제안: Avoid hesitations and repetition. Give a direct answer, explain briefly with a clear linking word (e.g., “because” or “when”), and provide a specific example of when it matches your life.

예시: Yes, it often does, especially when the lyrics relate to my experiences. For instance, a song about overcoming challenges makes me feel energetic after a long day at work.

제안: Be concise and correct grammar (use ‘songs’ and avoid filler words). State your status then give one clear reason and a short plan. Use a linking word like ‘so’ or ‘because’.

예시: I haven’t taken formal lessons, but I plan to learn the guitar because I’ve loved melodic songs since childhood. So next year I’m going to enroll in beginner guitar lessons.

제안: Avoid vague phrases like ‘not that music person’ and reduce fillers (‘uh’). Give a direct answer and one or two specific situations where you listen to music, using linking words like ‘but’ or ‘however’.

예시: I don’t always listen to music, but sometimes I play soft instrumental music while cleaning or upbeat tracks when I’m exercising to make tasks more enjoyable.

× Basically, I prefer happy music because happy music boosts my inner soul positively and makes me happy when I listen to happy music.

✓ Basically, I prefer happy music because it uplifts my mood and makes me happy when I listen to it.

Repetition and word choice: 'inner soul positively' is awkward and unidiomatic; 'boosts' with 'inner soul' and 'positively' creates redundancy. Also repeating 'happy music' three times is stylistically poor. Use pronoun 'it' to avoid repetition and choose natural collocations like 'uplifts my mood.' Improve by using concise, idiomatic phrases and pronouns to refer back to the noun. Suggestion: replace awkward noun phrase with 'uplifts my mood' and use 'it' for subsequent references.

× Yeah, it depends on my mood, because when I when I listen to happy music I feel excited because when the story matches with me and my currently life, I get excited.

✓ Yeah, it depends on my mood, because when I listen to happy music I feel excited; if the story matches my current life, I get excited.

Tense and redundancy: Remove duplicate 'when I' and correct 'currently life' to 'current life.' Use consistent present simple tense ('listen', 'feel', 'matches'). Also avoid repeating 'I get excited' by combining clauses. Suggestion: streamline sentence structure, maintain present simple for habitual states, and fix adjective form 'current.'

× I haven't taken any formal music classes, but in the near future I would like to learn to play guitar because I like melodious song and uh, from my childhood, uh, I want to learn guitar.

✓ I haven't taken any formal music classes, but in the near future I would like to learn to play the guitar because I like melodious songs and, since my childhood, I have wanted to learn the guitar.

Tense and article errors: Use present perfect 'haven't taken' is correct; express past desire with present perfect 'have wanted' to show continuous desire from childhood to now. Add definite article 'the guitar' and pluralize 'songs.' 'From my childhood' is better as 'since my childhood.' Suggestion: use 'have wanted' for ongoing past-to-present desire, use 'the' with instrument names and plural for 'songs.'

× So basically I'm not that music person, but sometimes while I'm working or doing some stuff in my home, I like to listen to music, uh, for my time pass and uh, for my enjoyment.

✓ So basically I'm not that much of a music person, but sometimes while I'm working or doing things at home, I like to listen to music to pass the time and for enjoyment.

Preposition and collocation errors: 'not that music person' is ungrammatical; use 'not that much of a music person.' Use 'doing things at home' rather than 'in my home.' 'For my time pass' is incorrect; correct phrase is 'to pass the time.' Also streamline 'for my enjoyment' to 'for enjoyment.' Suggestion: learn common collocations ('much of a', 'at home', 'pass the time').