Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 回答は意図が伝わりますが、文法ミス・冗長表現・語彙の誤用があり、まとまりが弱いです。まず、主語と時制を整え、不要な填補語（uh, umm）を減らしてください。理由を述べる際は、リンクワード（because, so, when）を自然に使い、具体例（どのような曲やアーティスト、テンポ）を一つ加えると説得力が増します。文は3文以内で収め、より正確な語彙（lift my mood, upbeat, motivate）を使いましょう。

예시: I prefer happy, upbeat music because it lifts my mood and motivates me. For example, I usually listen to fast-tempo pop or electronic tracks when I run, which helps me keep a steady pace and feel more energetic.

제안: 回答は肯定していますが、発言が断続し誤った語句（"nurse's eye analysed"など）が混入しています。明確なトピックセンテンスを置き、短い理由と具体例を続けてください。接続詞（so, therefore, because）を正しく使い、不要なほご言葉を控えると流暢さと明瞭さが向上します。語彙は簡潔で適切な表現（excited, energized, motivated）を使ってください。

예시: Yes, definitely. Happy music energizes me because the lively rhythm and bright melodies make me feel more alert. For instance, upbeat songs help me stay motivated during workouts or when I need a quick mood boost.

제안: 内容は理解できますが、冗長な言い回しと曖昧な語彙（"big piano"）があります。まず簡潔なトピックセンテンスで答え、次に短い補足として学んだ経緯と頻度を述べてください。正しい語順と語彙（I haven't taken formal lessons; I play the piano; my mother taught me; I enjoy playing instruments）を使うこと。文は2〜3文にまとめ、発話の流れを滑らかにしましょう。

예시: No, I haven't taken formal music classes, but I can play the piano. My mother taught me when I was young, and I still enjoy practicing the piano occasionally.

제안: 良い構成で直接質問に答えていますが、填補語が多い点を直すとさらに良くなります。理由を簡潔に示し、対比の接続詞（but, however）を自然に使ってください。具体性を加えるために、どんな種類の音楽を運動時に聴くか、勉強時に無音が必要な理由を一文で付け加えるとさらに説得力が増します。

예시: Yes, it depends. I always listen to energetic music like pop or electronic when I exercise to stay motivated, but I avoid music when I study so I can concentrate on reading and writing.

× And definitely I'll prefer happy music that is because it helped me, it helps me feel excited and move up.

✓ I definitely prefer happy music because it helps me feel excited and uplifted.

The student used 'I'll prefer' which incorrectly expresses future preference; use simple present 'I prefer' for general preferences. 'That is because it helped me' mixes past and present; use present tense 'it helps' for a general effect. 'Move up' is unnatural; 'uplifted' or 'energized' is more appropriate. Suggested improvement: Use simple present for habitual preferences and keep tense consistent within the sentence.

× Uh, when I have, when I run or exercise, I often listen such types of music.

✓ When I run or exercise, I often listen to that type of music.

The phrase 'listen such types of music' is ungrammatical; standard English requires 'listen to' and a singular 'that type of music' or plural 'those types of music'. Here one type is meant, so use 'that type of music'. Suggested improvement: Use 'listen to' plus 'that type of music' for a habitual action.

× Yeah, excite.

✓ Yes, it excites me.

'Yeah, excite' is not a complete sentence; 'excite' is a verb needing a subject. Use 'it excites me' to express that happy music causes excitement. Suggested improvement: Form complete clauses with subject + verb + object.

× Uh, yeah, definitely. Umm it. It really helped me feel excited and nurse's eye analysed.

✓ It really helps me feel excited and energized.

'Helped' is past tense but the speaker means a general present effect; use 'helps'. The phrase 'nurse's eye analysed' is nonsensical here; likely intended 'energized'. Replace with appropriate adjective. Suggested improvement: Keep tense consistent for general truths and choose correct vocabulary.

× So I often listen to such music, uh, in order to move up.

✓ So I often listen to such music to lift my mood.

'Move up' is informal and unclear; 'lift my mood' or 'feel more energetic' better conveys meaning. Also 'listen to such music' is acceptable but 'to lift my mood' clarifies purpose. Suggested improvement: Use clear collocations like 'lift my mood' for emotional changes.

× Actually, no, I haven't, umm, but I sometimes, uh, play the big piano.

✓ Actually, no, I haven't, but I sometimes play the piano.

'I haven't' is short for 'I haven't taken any music classes' in context—acceptable. 'The big piano' is awkward; use 'the piano' or 'a large piano' if size matters. Omit filler words. Suggested improvement: Use 'the piano' for general reference to the instrument.

× Uh, that is, uh, that is what I, my mother taught me how to play it and I enjoy play some musical instruments.

✓ My mother taught me how to play it, and I enjoy playing musical instruments.

Sentence is repetitive and has incorrect verb forms. 'Taught me how to play it' is fine; do not repeat 'that is'. After 'enjoy' use gerund 'playing' not bare infinitive 'play'. Also remove redundant phrases. Suggested improvement: Use gerund after 'enjoy' and avoid repetition.

× Umm, yes, it depends on the occasion.

✓ Yes, it depends on the occasion.

Sentence is fine but had filler 'Umm'; no preposition error. Kept as cleanup. Suggested improvement: Remove fillers for clarity.

× Uh, when I exercise I always listen to music, but when I study, I don't listen to music in order to, uh, focus on my, uh, writing or reading.

✓ When I exercise, I always listen to music, but when I study I don't, because I need to focus on my writing or reading.

Original had unnecessary 'listen to music in order to, uh, focus'; better to state purpose positively. 'In order to' is not incorrect but the phrasing was awkward with fillers; simplifying improves clarity. Keep commas and conjunctions consistent. Suggested improvement: Use concise phrasing and avoid filler words; 'I don't' can replace 'I don't listen to music' when context is clear.