Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more natural and direct: start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid generic phrases and pronoun shifts (e.g., 'you') and reduce redundancy. Use linking words (for example, 'however' or 'on the other hand') to show contrast.

예시: I don’t prefer one over the other; it depends on my mood. For example, I listen to sad songs when I want to reflect, but I choose upbeat music when I’m exercising to boost my energy.

제안: Give a concise topic sentence, remove filler words (uh), and use correct grammar (e.g., 'helps me clear my mind' not 'clearing'). Add a brief specific example of a song or activity to make the response more vivid.

예시: Yes, happy music definitely excites me. For instance, when I feel down I play an upbeat pop song and dance for a few minutes, which helps me clear my mind and lift my mood.

제안: This answer is clear and directly structured. To improve further, add one short specific supporting detail (e.g., how long you studied or what you learned) and use a linking word like 'however' to show the cause-effect relationship.

예시: Yes, I took piano lessons for about five years when I was a child. However, I had to stop when I started art school because my schedule became too busy.

제안: This answer is unclear and contains broken sentences and filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific conditions when you do or don’t listen to music. Use linking phrases such as 'when' and 'but' to make the contrast explicit and finish sentences fully.

예시: It depends on the task. When I do routine chores or commute, I often play music in the background, but when I need to concentrate on studying or writing, I prefer silence.

× I can't choose each of them because it really depends on my mood.

✓ I can't choose either of them because it really depends on my mood.

The student used 'each of them' incorrectly; 'either of them' is correct when choosing between two options. Use 'either' for a choice between two items; 'each' emphasizes every one individually, which doesn't fit this context.

× Some days you prefer sad music and for some other occasions, like working out, you need something to burst your mood.

✓ Some days I prefer sad music, and on other occasions, like when I'm working out, I need something to boost my mood.

The student shifted from first person to second person ('you'). Maintain consistent subject 'I'. 'For some other occasions' is awkward; use 'on other occasions' or 'in other situations'. 'Burst your mood' is incorrect collocation; 'boost my mood' or 'lift my mood' is appropriate.

× I usually play uh, a very happy music, uh, and start dancing to it every time I feel down and blue.

✓ I usually play, uh, very happy music and start dancing to it every time I feel down and blue.

'Music' is an uncountable noun and does not take the indefinite article 'a' in this context. Remove 'a' before 'very happy music'. Also remove the comma before 'very' for smoother phrasing.

× Uh, it really helps me clearing my mind and and lift my mood.

✓ Uh, it really helps me clear my mind and lift my mood.

After 'help' it is correct to use the bare infinitive ('clear') or 'to' + infinitive; using the -ing form ('clearing') is incorrect here. Also there is a duplicated 'and' which should be a single 'and'.

× I used to attend piano lessons when I was younger, but I had to abandon it when I attended art school because of my busy schedule there.

✓ I used to take piano lessons when I was younger, but I had to give them up when I attended art school because of my busy schedule there.

'Attend' is used with events or classes but 'take lessons' is the correct collocation in English. 'Abandon it' is awkward for lessons; use 'give them up'. Also 'lessons' is plural, so use 'them' not 'it'.

× It really depends on the work. I'm on it and sometimes I like to uh and noise in the background, so I play some music, but rather time I prefer to concentrate fully on my.

✓ It really depends on the work. Sometimes I like to have some background noise, so I play music, but most of the time I prefer to concentrate fully on my work.

The original contains fragmented and missing words ('I'm on it', 'like to uh and noise', 'rather time', 'concentrate fully on my'). Reconstruct to logical sentences: 'have some background noise' is natural, 'most of the time' replaces 'rather time', and 'my work' completes the phrase. This fixes sentence fragments and restores proper word order.