Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence stating your preference, then add one or two specific reasons with supporting details and linking words. Correct grammar errors (e.g., "brings up more emotions" not "brings up more times"). Limit to 2–4 sentences, use linking words like "because" or "so," and give a concrete example of a song or situation that makes sad music meaningful to you.

예시: I prefer sad music because it feels more intimate and helps me process my emotions. For example, the lyrics of a song about loss often reflect my own experiences, so I find them comforting rather than depressing.

제안: Answer directly, then give a clear reason and a specific example. Fix grammar and avoid filler words ("umm"). Use linking words such as "because" or "so," and provide a brief contrast to sad music if helpful. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use precise vocabulary (e.g., "evoke feelings" instead of "evoke about a feelings").

예시: No, happy music rarely excites me because I don't relate to its upbeat themes. For instance, cheerful pop songs often feel generic and background music to me, whereas sad songs speak to my personal experiences.

× Well, I would say that I prefer sad music because I guess it brings up more times, makes me feel much more rather than happy music, because sad music is really something intimate for me.

✓ Well, I would say that I prefer sad music because I guess it brings up more memories and makes me feel more than happy music, because sad music is really something intimate for me.

The original sentence misuses 'times' where 'memories' is intended and includes awkward comparative phrasing 'makes me feel much more rather than happy music.' Replace 'times' with the countable noun 'memories' and restructure the comparison to 'makes me feel more than happy music' for clarity. Also keep pronouns consistent; no pronoun change needed here but wording was confusing. Suggestion: focus on clear nouns (memories) and simpler comparative structures.

× I have a lot of sad songs that really relate to and I guess I'm just in the point of my life now there.

✓ I have a lot of sad songs that I can really relate to, and I guess I'm just at that point in my life now.

The phrase 'relate to' needs a subject ('I') and the prepositional phrase 'in the point of my life now there' is incorrect. Use 'at that point in my life now' to express the intended meaning. Also add the missing object for 'relate to' ('I can really relate to'). This fixes pronoun and preposition misuse and clarifies the sentence.

× No, happy music does not make me feel more excited because it does not evoke about a feelings.

✓ No, happy music does not make me feel more excited because it does not evoke any feelings in me.

The phrase 'evoke about a feelings' is ungrammatical. Use 'evoke any feelings' and add 'in me' to show the experiencer. This corrects poor word choice and sentence structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and natural.

× I don't relate to it and umm, to be honest, it's just something that I can hear in the restaurant or something.

✓ I don't relate to it and, to be honest, it's just something I would hear in a restaurant or somewhere similar.

'Hear in the restaurant or something' is vague and slightly ungrammatical. Use 'in a restaurant' (article + noun) and 'or somewhere similar' for natural phrasing. Also remove unnecessary filler 'umm' for clarity. This fixes article/pronoun reference and improves register.

× And happy music isn't like something that I would hear.

✓ And happy music isn't the kind of music I would choose to listen to.

The original 'isn't like something that I would hear' is awkward. Rephrase to 'isn't the kind of music I would choose to listen to' to express preference more naturally. This corrects pronoun/reference awkwardness and improves sentence clarity.