Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more direct at the start (state preference clearly), reduce redundancy, and add one specific reason or brief example. Use a linking word to connect ideas (for example, "because" or "so"). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

예시: I prefer listening to happy music when I walk because it lifts my mood and helps me focus. For example, upbeat songs with a steady rhythm make repetitive tasks feel less boring, so I can work more efficiently and enjoy the walk.

제안: Give a concise direct answer, avoid repeating the same words, and add a specific example or brief explanation of how it affects you (use linking words like "because" or "for instance"). Limit to 2–3 clear sentences.

예시: Yes, happy music definitely makes me more excited because its fast tempo and positive lyrics boost my energy. For instance, when I play upbeat songs while exercising, I feel more motivated and my pace improves.

× I honestly enjoy interesting music whenever I'm walking.

✓ I honestly enjoy interesting music whenever I walk.

Use of present continuous 'I'm walking' with 'whenever' is less natural; simple present 'I walk' expresses habitual action. Change to 'I walk' to match habitual context and parallel with 'whenever'. Suggestion: Use simple present for regular/habitual actions.'

× It helps me to concentrate better, it helps me to focus more on my job.

✓ It helps me concentrate better; it helps me focus more on my job.

After 'helps' the verb usually appears in base form without 'to' ('helps me concentrate'), or with 'to' as an alternative. Also two independent clauses should be joined properly. Remove 'to' or use consistent structure and use a semicolon or conjunction to avoid comma splice.'

× It doesn't make the work overwhelming for me.

✓ It doesn't make the work feel overwhelming to me.

Original is understandable but awkward: 'make the work overwhelming for me' is missing a complement like 'feel'. Adding 'feel' makes the perception clear. Also 'to me' is more natural than 'for me' in this context.'

× And when I'm sad as well, I still love to listen to happy music.

✓ And when I'm sad, I still love listening to happy music.

Use 'listening' (gerund) after 'love' when referring to general preference. Also 'as well' is redundant with 'and'; remove it for conciseness.'

× Of course, happy music makes me feel happy, makes me feel more excited.

✓ Of course, happy music makes me feel happy and more excited.

Avoid repeating 'makes me feel' by linking adjectives with 'and'. This yields a more natural and concise sentence.'

× You know, when I'm listening to music, good music to be precise, and I'm listening to good music, I'm working, I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm joyous.

✓ You know, when I'm listening to good music, I'm working and I feel happy, excited, and joyous.

Reduce repetition and improve parallelism: combine clauses and use 'feel' for states. Use commas correctly for list of emotions. Remove redundant phrases 'good music to be precise' or integrate smoothly as 'listening to good music'.'

× It just builds my spirit in general, happy music, really.

✓ Happy music just uplifts my spirits in general.

Original is colloquial and disordered. 'Uplifts my spirits' is a more natural collocation than 'builds my spirit'. Place 'happy music' as the subject for clarity and remove filler 'really'.