Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid redundant phrases and grammatical errors (e.g., say “the sound of happiness helps me express myself” or “it lifts my mood”). Keep to 2–3 short sentences and use precise vocabulary (e.g., ‘uplifting’, ‘cheerful’, ‘energizing’).

예시: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and helps me express myself. For example, upbeat songs with lively rhythms boost my energy when I’m studying or exercising.

제안: Answer directly and clarify the nuance: begin with a clear short answer, then explain and give a specific example using linking words (e.g., ‘however’, ‘although’). Correct grammar (e.g., ‘it’s only for entertainment’), avoid repetition, and limit to 2–3 sentences. Use precise vocabulary like ‘enjoyable’, ‘relaxing’, ‘uplifting’, or ‘energizing’.

예시: Not usually — although I enjoy happy music, it doesn’t make me hyperactive. Instead, it’s enjoyable background entertainment: I tend to appreciate the rhythm and mood, such as when I listen to upbeat tracks while walking to class.

× Having the sounds of the happiness is actually what led to me to expression myself in a good way.

✓ Having the sounds of happiness is actually what led me to express myself in a good way.

Incorrect use of the definite article 'the' before 'happiness' is unnecessary because 'happiness' is used in a general, uncountable sense. Also 'led to me to expression' contains multiple errors: 'led me to' is the correct verb pattern and the verb should be in base form 'express' not the noun 'expression'. Suggestion: remove 'the' before uncountable nouns when speaking generally, use 'led me to' + base verb (infinitive without to) or 'led me to express'.

× And I would love to make myself happy, not being dull, not being depressed, but you know, make myself happy.

✓ And I would love to make myself happy, not be dull or depressed, but, you know, make myself happy.

The original repeats 'being' awkwardly and uses inconsistent verb forms. After 'would love to' the correct structure is 'make myself happy'; when listing negatives use the base form 'be' (not 'being'). Suggestion: use parallel structures and avoid repetition for clarity: 'not be dull or depressed'.

× I would say happy music doesn't make me excited at all.

✓ I would say happy music doesn't make me excited.

The phrase 'at all' is not strictly a tense error but may be redundant with 'doesn't'. This sentence is acceptable, but removing 'at all' makes it more natural in present simple negative. The main point: keep present simple 'doesn't make' for general truth. Suggestion: use 'doesn't make me excited' for a concise expression.

× Like I really love listening to music but it just only for entertainment.

✓ I really love listening to music, but it is just for entertainment.

Informal filler 'Like' at the start is unnecessary in formal answers. The clause 'it just only for entertainment' is missing the verb 'is' and uses redundant 'just only'. Suggestion: include the verb 'is' and choose either 'just' or 'only', not both; e.g. 'it is just for entertainment' or 'it is only for entertainment'.

× I only listen to the rhythms of it and flow with the songs of the rhythms and how it feels.

✓ I only listen to its rhythms and go with the flow of the songs and how they feel.

Using 'of it' and 'songs of the rhythms' is awkward and unidiomatic. 'Listen to its rhythms' uses the possessive pronoun 'its'. 'Flow with the songs' should be 'go with the flow' for the idiom; 'how it feels' should match plural 'songs' as 'how they feel'. Also 'go' + present participle 'with the flow' is natural. Suggestion: use idiomatic expressions and ensure pronoun agreement with plural nouns.