Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is clear and natural, but it has grammatical errors, some redundancy, and overlong phrases. To improve, make a concise topic sentence, correct word choice and grammar (e.g., “deep” → “deeper”, “get into your feeling” → “express your feelings”), and avoid repeating the same idea. Add one specific example or brief reason to support your preference. Keep it within 2–4 sentences and use a linking word for coherence.

예시: I prefer sad music because I find it deeper and better at expressing emotions. For example, when I'm reflective, mellow ballads help me put complex feelings into words and calm my mind.

제안: Your response is relevant but contains informal fillers, awkward phrasing and repetition (e.g., “trim myself up”, “like be more positive”, repeated "up"). Improve by using a clear topic sentence, removing hesitations, choosing precise verbs, and including a short specific example of when you listen to happy music. Use a linking phrase to connect the reason.

예시: Yes, happy music usually energises me. For instance, when I'm preparing for a presentation, I play upbeat pop songs to boost my confidence and stay focused.

× I prefer sad music, not because it's depressing or anything, but I believe it's more deep and can really get into your feeling.

✓ I prefer sad music, not because it's depressing or anything, but I believe it's deeper and can really get into your feelings.

Use the comparative adjective 'deeper' rather than 'more deep' (adjective form error). Also 'feeling' should be plural 'feelings' to refer generally to a person's emotions. Suggestion: use comparative forms for one-word adjectives (deep → deeper) and pluralize countable abstract nouns when speaking generally (feeling → feelings).

× I can translate your feeling and your emotion into words and rhythms.

✓ I can translate your feelings and emotions into words and rhythms.

Pronoun/noun number mismatch and natural collocation. 'Feeling' and 'emotion' are better as plural 'feelings' and 'emotions' when speaking generally. Also dropping the repeated 'your' makes the sentence more natural. Suggestion: use plurals for general references and avoid unnecessary repetition ('your feelings and emotions').

× So I prefer sad music over happy music, but I don't mind happy.

✓ So I prefer sad music over happy music, but I don't mind happy music.

Ellipsis of the noun 'music' leads to awkwardness; repeating 'music' maintains parallel structure and clarity. Subject-verb agreement itself is fine, but the original sentence omits the noun causing a style/clarity issue covered by subject-verb/topic consistency. Suggestion: keep parallel structure by repeating the noun when contrasting two items ('happy music').

× Yes, happy music actually can have a positive impact on me.

✓ Yes, happy music can actually have a positive impact on me.

Adverb placement: move 'actually' after the modal verb for more natural word order. Suggestion: place adverbs like 'actually' after auxiliary/modal verbs ('can actually have').

× Sometimes when I need to trim myself up or lift myself up, I get into the mood where I want to listen to happy music in order to like be more positive or be more cheerful.

✓ Sometimes when I need to cheer myself up or lift my mood, I get into the mood to listen to happy music to be more positive or more cheerful.

'Trim myself up' is incorrect collocation; correct reflexive verb is 'cheer myself up.' Also 'lift myself up' is awkward—use 'lift my mood.' The phrase 'in order to like be' is colloquial and ungrammatical; replace with 'to be.' Suggestion: use common reflexive expressions ('cheer myself up'), simplify redundancies ('to listen... to be more positive'), and avoid filler words like 'like.'

× Umm, So yeah, it helps uplift up my mood a little bit.

✓ So yeah, it helps lift my mood a little bit.

'Umm' and 'So yeah' are fillers; remove or keep one for spoken style. 'Helps uplift up' is redundant—'lift' or 'uplift' alone is correct, and 'uplift up' repeats the preposition 'up.' Suggestion: use a single verb ('lift' or 'uplift') and avoid redundant particles ('up').