Teachers— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the favorite teacher, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid fillers (uh, um) and grammatical errors (singular/plural agreement). Keep to under five sentences and use more natural phrasing.

예시: My favourite teacher is Mr. Barra, who taught me during my internship year. He stood out because he taught passionately and cared about students’ personal and professional development. For example, he gave me practical feedback during clinic hours that improved my skills and confidence.

제안: Give a clear, structured answer: a direct yes/no, then two concise reasons with linking words. Avoid vague phrases and repetitive words, and correct collocations (e.g., “pass on my knowledge” not “impress my feeling”). Use precise vocabulary and reduce hesitations.

예시: Yes, I would like to be a teacher in the future because I want to pass on the knowledge I have gained in food science. For example, during clinic hours I learned practical techniques that I could teach students so they can perform even better than me.

제안: Answer directly and finish the thought; state the main reason and add a specific brief example. Correct grammar (e.g., “I’m the daughter of an army man”) and avoid trailing off. Keep it to two or three sentences maximum.

예시: No, I don’t remember any particular teacher from my past because my family moved frequently when I was a child. For example, we rarely stayed in one town for more than a year, so I did not form long-term relationships with teachers.

제안: Start with a clear direct answer, then give a concise reason and a contrasting point if relevant. Fix grammar and word order: “I’m the daughter of an army officer” and “I didn’t stay at any primary school for more than a year.” Avoid repeating the same idea twice.

예시: No, I’m not still in touch with my primary school teachers because my family moved often when I was young. However, I do have a strong relationship with my current teachers, who I have known for several years.

제안: Provide a concise topic sentence and two specific, well-explained examples of help, using linking words (for example, firstly/secondly). Correct word choice (e.g., “encouraged me to take entrance exams” not “enforced”), and avoid hesitations. Keep under five sentences.

예시: My favourite teacher helped me choose a career in dietetics by recognising my strength in science and encouraging me to take medical entrance exams. Secondly, she gave me practical advice and feedback during clinic practice, which improved my clinical skills.

제안: Give a clear comparative answer and state the reason concisely. Correct grammar and phrasing (e.g., “I have a stronger connection with my high school teachers”). Avoid repetition and finish sentences fully. Use linking words like “because” and “however” to show contrast.

예시: I prefer my high school teachers because I stayed at my high school for longer and formed closer relationships with them. In contrast, I rarely remembered my primary school teachers since my family moved frequently when I was young.

× Although I do appreciate all the teacher, I have taken the education from them during my lifetime.

✓ Although I do appreciate all the teachers, I have received education from them during my lifetime.

The noun 'teacher' refers to multiple people, so the plural form 'teachers' is required (quantifier agreement). Also 'have taken the education' is unnatural; use 'have received education' or 'been educated' for correct collocation. Suggestion: Use correct plural forms with 'all' and choose natural verbs like 'received' or 'been educated'.

× But here I would specifically like to mention about 1 teacher who is Mr. Barra and who taught me during my internship year.

✓ But here I would specifically like to mention one teacher, Mr. Barra, who taught me during my internship year.

Incorrect use of 'about' after 'mention' and numeral '1' in informal context. Sentence structure improved by removing 'about', writing 'one teacher' and placing the name with commas. Suggestion: Use 'mention one teacher' and use commas to set off appositives.

× What I most like about his nature to uh teach a student from bottom of his heart, not only about academics but also.

✓ What I most like about him is his willingness to teach students from the bottom of his heart, not only about academics but also about life skills.

Several errors: 'about his nature to teach' is awkward; 'his' needed for pronoun reference; 'a student' should be plural 'students' for general statement; missing 'is' to form a clause; phrase 'from bottom of his heart' needs article 'the'; sentence incomplete at end. Also add parallel object after 'also'. Suggestion: Use 'What I most like about him is...' and ensure parallel structure and completeness.

× Definitely yes, I really want to be teacher in the coming time because during the decade of year I have uh, learnt so much regarding food and science that I really want to impress my feeling umm, to my students and really want to teach them so they can do something much better than me and they can also wear off the experience I have during my clinic hours.

✓ Definitely yes, I really want to be a teacher in the future because over the years I have learned so much about food and science that I want to share my knowledge with my students and teach them so they can do things better than I can and benefit from the experience I gained during my clinic hours.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'teacher'. 'In the coming time' is unnatural; use 'in the future'. 'During the decade of year' is incorrect; use 'over the years' or 'over the decade'. 'Learnt' acceptable but use 'learned' for consistency. 'Impress my feeling to' is incorrect collocation; use 'share my knowledge' or 'convey my feelings'. 'Wear off the experience' is wrong; use 'benefit from' or 'learn from the experience'. Also maintain parallel verbs and correct pronoun 'I can'. Suggestion: Use appropriate articles, natural time expressions, correct collocations like 'share my knowledge' and 'benefit from'.

× I have uh, learnt so much regarding food and science

✓ I have learned so much about food and science

'Learnt' is a past participle form acceptable in British English, but for consistency use 'learned' in this context. Also 'regarding' is formal; 'about' is more natural in speech. Suggestion: Use 'have learned' and 'about' for spoken responses.

× I really want to impress my feeling umm, to my students

✓ I really want to convey my feelings to my students

'Impress ... to' is not the correct collocation. Use verbs like 'convey', 'share', or 'express' with preposition 'to' for the recipient. Also 'feeling' should be plural 'feelings' in this context. Suggestion: Use 'convey my feelings to' or 'share my knowledge with'.

× they can also wear off the experience I have during my clinic hours.

✓ they can also benefit from the experience I have gained during my clinic hours.

'They' refers to students but 'wear off' is wrong verb choice; 'benefit from' is appropriate. Also use 'gained' to indicate past acquisition of experience. Pronoun use is okay but verb and tense need correction. Suggestion: Use 'benefit from the experience I gained'.

× Unfortunately not I am a girl of an army man and that during my childhood days, my father was posted in many states of our nation and we kept moving from one state to another.

✓ Unfortunately not. I am the daughter of an army man and during my childhood my father was posted in many states, so we kept moving from one state to another.

Missing punctuation and incorrect phrase 'a girl of an army man' which is non-native; use 'the daughter of an army man' or 'the daughter of an army officer'. 'That' is unnecessary. Also 'childhood days' redundant; use 'during my childhood'. Suggestion: Use 'the daughter of an army officer' and correct sentence breaks.

× We hardly stayed for more than a year at in particular state.

✓ We hardly stayed for more than a year in any particular state.

Word order and choice wrong: 'at in particular state' should be 'in any particular state'. 'Hardly' placement is fine but 'for more than a year' pairs with 'hardly' to mean they rarely stayed that long. Suggestion: Use 'in any particular state'.

× So I didn't develop that kind of connection with my teachers, but I.

✓ So I didn't develop that kind of connection with my teachers.

Sentence fragment ending with 'but I.' is incomplete; remove trailing fragment. Pronoun usage was fine but sentence must be complete. Suggestion: Complete the sentence or remove unfinished clause.

× I couldn't establish that kind of connection with my primary school teachers because I didn't stay in particular to school for more than one year.

✓ I couldn't establish that kind of connection with my primary school teachers because I didn't stay at any particular school for more than one year.

Incorrect word order 'stay in particular to school'; correct preposition is 'at', and 'any particular school' expresses the intended meaning. Pronoun usage fine. Suggestion: Use 'stay at any particular school'.

× Being a daughter of an Army person, I have to move from state to state after a certain time, but I have a unique connection with my present teachers who are teaching me.

✓ As the daughter of an army officer, I had to move from state to state every few years, but I have a special connection with my current teachers.

Tense mismatch: talking about childhood should use past 'had to move'. 'Army person' is non-native; use 'army officer'. 'After a certain time' is vague; 'every few years' is clearer. 'Present teachers who are teaching me' is redundant; use 'current teachers'. Suggestion: Use accurate nouns and consistent past tense for past events.

× There are several ways. Then I found my teacher was really very helpful for me.

✓ There are several ways my teacher helped me. I found my teacher to be very helpful.

The original has disjointed sentences and incorrect connectors: 'Then' is unnecessary. Combine idea into coherent sentences and correct verb patterns ('helpful to me' or 'helpful' with 'found'). Suggestion: Use cohesive sentences that state the ways followed by examples.

× First and foremost, I talk about for choosing my career in dietetics.

✓ First and foremost, I would talk about how she helped me choose my career in dietetics.

Incorrect verb tense and structure: 'I talk about for choosing' is ungrammatical. Also pronoun reference to teacher needed. Use 'would talk about how she helped me choose'. Suggestion: Use clear subject-verb structure and connect teacher's action to outcome.

× My teacher found me, I was very good at science and encouraged me to participate, uh, in entrance test regarding medical education.

✓ My teacher noticed that I was very good at science and encouraged me to participate in entrance tests for medical education.

'Found me' is wrong verb; use 'noticed' or 'realized'. 'Entrance test regarding' is awkward; use 'entrance tests for'. Also pluralize 'tests' if general. Suggestion: Use 'noticed' and 'entrance tests for medical education'.

× Secondly, they enforced me to participate.

✓ Secondly, they encouraged me to participate.

'Enforced me to participate' suggests coercion and is incorrect collocation. 'Encouraged me to participate' is appropriate. Also pronoun 'they' may refer to teachers collectively; keep consistent. Suggestion: Use 'encouraged' rather than 'enforced'.

× I couldn't establish a different connection with my primary school teachers, and I hardly remember them because, being a daughter of an Army person, I stayed in primary school hardly more than one year.

✓ I couldn't establish a close connection with my primary school teachers and I hardly remember them because, as the daughter of an army officer, I stayed in primary school for hardly more than one year.

Awkward phrasing 'different connection' should be 'close connection'. Repetition of 'hardly' is stylistically poor; adjust preposition order 'stayed in primary school for hardly more than one year'. Use 'as the daughter of an army officer'. Suggestion: Use clearer adjectives and fix preposition placement.

× But I have a very special connection with my high school teacher, and when I enrolled myself in a high school teacher, I was there for more.

✓ But I have a very special connection with my high school teachers, and when I enrolled in high school, I stayed there for a longer time.

Confusing phrases: 'enrolled myself in a high school teacher' incorrect; should be 'enrolled in high school'. 'I was there for more' is incomplete; specify 'for a longer time'. Also 'teacher' should be plural if referencing multiple teachers. Suggestion: Use correct verbs for enrollment and complete the time phrase.