Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: もっと明確で流暢な主題文と、具体的で整理された補足説明を使うこと。無駄な間（uh, umm）を減らし、年齢や頻度、場所の描写を正確に述べると印象が良くなります。また文は3〜4文に収め、語順や冠詞に注意してください。例えば「when I was about six」や「every day」「in the park's large field」といった自然な表現を使いましょう。

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child. When I was about six, my brother and I played soccer there almost every day with our friends. The park had a large grassy field where we spent hours running and playing, which created many happy memories.

제안: 質問に直接答える主題文をまず述べ、その後で理由や頻度を簡潔に説明しましょう。不要な繰り返し（I, I'm）や意味のあいまいな語（work around there and see）を避けてください。週末に家族と一緒に訪れるなど具体的な活動を述べると良いです。文は短く明確に。

예시: Yes, I still like going to parks, although I don't have as much free time now because I'm in my forties. There is a large park near my house, and my family and I often visit it on weekends to walk, relax and let the children play.

제안: 質問の意図（市内にもっと公園が欲しいか）に直接答えましょう。現状の問題点や理由（例えば人口密度、緑地の不足、レクリエーション需要）を具体的に述べ、論理的なつなぎ語を使ってください。現在の回答は話題が逸れており意味が不明瞭なので、簡潔で一貫した文を2〜3文で作ってください。

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. Many neighborhoods are crowded and lack green spaces, so additional parks would provide places for exercise and family outings. Moreover, parks along the waterfront would improve the city's atmosphere and attract visitors.

제안: 具体的な公園名と訪れたい理由をはっきり述べましょう。比較をする場合は比較対象を明確に（例：Japanese parks vs Central Park）し、なぜ「well planned」だと感じるのか具体例（大きな芝生、湖、遊歩道など）を挙げるとよいです。最後の文は完結させ、理由を2つほどに絞ると効果的です。

예시: Yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York City. I have heard it is very well planned, with large lawns, walking paths and lakes, which offer a variety of activities. I would love to explore its landscapes and enjoy a relaxing day there.

× Yes, uh, when I was a child, I like, uh, playing in the parks very much.

✓ Yes, when I was a child, I liked playing in parks very much.

The speaker is referring to a past habitual action, so the past tense 'liked' should be used instead of 'like'. Also omit filler words and use plural 'parks' for general meaning. Grammar problem type ID:6

× For instance, when I was about, uh, six or four, six or five, I and my brother played soccer with my friends every almost every day and in their vast field of the park.

✓ For instance, when I was about four, five, or six, my brother and I played soccer with my friends almost every day in the park's large field.

The sentence has word order and redundancy issues and awkward number listing. Use correct pronoun order 'my brother and I'. Remove duplicate 'every almost every day' and choose 'almost every day'. Use 'park's large field' for possession. This falls under sentence structure and subject-pronoun order which relate to subject-verb agreement/structure. Grammar problem type ID:27

× Because I'm, I'm in my 40s, umm, I don't have much time to play in the park, but of course there is a very vast part near my house.

✓ Because I'm in my 40s, I don't have much time to play in the park, but there is a very large park near my house.

'Vast part' is incorrect collocation; 'large park' or 'a vast park' is appropriate. Remove filler repetition. Tense is present and appropriate; correction focuses on word choice and article use. Grammar problem type ID:6

× So and on weekends I and my family members work around there and see.

✓ So on weekends my family and I go there for walks and relax.

Pronoun order should be 'my family and I'. 'Work around there and see' is unclear; replace with a natural activity such as 'go there for walks and relax' to convey visiting the park. This is primarily a pronoun order and sentence structure issue. Grammar problem type ID:12

× I love you and call to work and there are so many are vast and beautiful parks in this world because it's because there are so many parks alongside there the harbour so.

✓ I love parks and think there are many large and beautiful parks around the world, especially those along harbors.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and contains irrelevant 'I love you and call to work'. Simplify to express the intended idea: 'I love parks' and mention parks along harbors. Fix double words and word order. This is sentence structure error. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Umm, I want to go to the Central Park in the New York City in the future.

✓ I want to go to Central Park in New York City in the future.

Article use: omit 'the' before 'Central Park' and before 'New York City' use no 'the'. Tense 'want to go ... in the future' is fine; this corrects article misuse. Grammar problem type ID:7

× Umm, because unlike the other parts in Japan, umm, the Central Park in in New York City is really, uh, well planned.

✓ Because unlike many parks in Japan, Central Park in New York City is very well planned.

Use 'many parks in Japan' rather than 'the other parts in Japan'. Remove duplicated 'in'. 'Very well planned' is natural. This addresses incorrect comparison object and word choice. Grammar problem type ID:19

× And it was.

✓ And it was beautiful.

The fragment 'And it was.' is incomplete; add an adjective like 'beautiful' or 'impressive' to complete the sentence and convey meaning. This is a sentence structure error. Grammar problem type ID:26