Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you liked parks, then add one or two specific supporting details (a memory or activity), using linking words to connect ideas. Avoid repetition and filler phrases like "you" generalizations and "no matter what."

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played on the swings and explored the flower beds with my friends, which made me feel free and happy, so those visits are some of my fondest childhood memories.

제안: Good clear answer with specific activities. Improve by correcting small errors and using clearer linking words and tense consistency. Replace unclear phrase "play free speech" with the correct activity and keep sentences concise (max 4–5 sentences).

예시: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks. I especially like strolling among the trees and lying on the grass because it feels peaceful and carefree; sometimes I also play frisbee with friends, which makes the visits more fun.

제안: Eliminate fillers ("umm") and be specific about reasons. Start with a direct statement then give two concrete reasons, linked logically. Use varied vocabulary (relax, de-stress, reflect) and avoid repetition.

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in the city because they offer quiet places to relax and de-stress. For example, when I have a problem I can walk among trees to clear my mind and think more calmly.

제안: Be specific about which parks or types of parks you want to visit and why. Avoid repeating the word "parks" and use precise details (name of a park, features you want to see). Keep answers concise and include linking words to improve flow.

예시: Yes, I would like to visit the new riverside park that opened recently because it has a long waterfront path and botanical gardens; I think walking there would be very relaxing and scenic.

× Yes, absolutely. As a child you have to enjoy yourself as a child and all you think or wanna feel is to enjoy and you no matter what you have as a child you need to enjoy no matter what and be happy.

✓ Yes, absolutely. As a child you should enjoy yourself, and all you think or want to feel is enjoyment; no matter what you have as a child, you need to enjoy it and be happy.

'wanna' is informal and nonstandard; use 'want to' (issue: verb form and register). The sentence also repeats phrases and uses awkward structure. Replace 'have to' with 'should' for appropriate modal meaning (present advice). Add 'it' after 'enjoy' to complete the verb object and join clauses with punctuation for clarity. Use 'enjoyment' as a noun to match 'feel'. Suggested fixes: replace 'wanna' with 'want to', change 'have to' to 'should', insert 'it' after 'enjoy', and simplify repeated phrases.

× Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I especially like strolling among the trees and lying on the grass because it feels peaceful and carefree. And sometimes I would play free speech with friends, which makes the visit more fun.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I especially like strolling among the trees and lying on the grass because it feels peaceful and carefree. Sometimes I play improvisational games with friends, which makes the visit more fun.

'would play' suggests conditional or habitual past; use simple present 'play' for current habitual action (present tense issue). 'Free speech' is incorrect word choice for casual games; 'improvisational games' or 'free play' is clearer. Use present tense consistent with 'I still enjoy'.

× Yes. I would like to see parks in my city because, umm, for example, when you have a problem, umm, there's a park you where you can unwind and to think, think and walk around and to enjoy or to like, Yeah.

✓ Yes. I would like to see more parks in my city because, for example, when someone has a problem there's a park where they can unwind, think, walk around, and enjoy themselves.

Pronoun use is inconsistent and awkward: 'you where you' is wrong. Use an indefinite pronoun 'someone' or neutral 'they' for general statements (incorrect use of pronouns). Also remove unnecessary 'to' before verbs after 'can' and streamline repetition. Use 'more parks' to match the question about quantity.

× Of course I love parks and parks. The park is where you can unwind and to enjoy and to walk around among the trees. And yeah, I want to go parks in the future.

✓ Of course I love parks. A park is a place where you can unwind, enjoy yourself, and walk among the trees. Yes, I want to visit parks in the future.

Repetition 'parks and parks' is redundant; remove duplication. 'The park is where you can' is general, so 'a park is a place where' is more natural (article use tied to generalization). Remove unnecessary 'to' after verbs when using 'can' (present tense issue and article error). 'I want to go parks' is incorrect: use 'visit parks' or 'go to parks' (incorrect verb-object structure).