Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 回答は内容が整っており個人的な情報（住んでいる場所、自然、犬の散歩）を含めていますが、以下を改善してください：1) 「uh」などのフィラーを減らし流暢さを高める。2) 文を短く整理し、主題文→補足の構造を明確にする（Basic Structure）。3) 語彙や表現をもう少し具体化する（例：types of activities you did in the park）。4) 文数を5文以内に抑え、冗長を避ける。

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I grew up in Miyazaki, which has a lot of natural areas, and I often played in a large park near my house. My favorite activities were running around the playground and feeding ducks at the pond. I still enjoy visiting parks now, especially when I walk my dog every day.

제안: 内容は明確ですが流暢さや構造に改善の余地があります：1) フィラーを減らして自然な流れを作る。2) 主題文で直接答え、その後で具体的な理由や詳細（trees, pond, activities）を接続詞でつなぐ。3) 繰り返しや冗長表現を避け短くまとめる。

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. There is a large park just across the road from my home with many trees and a pond where people can fish. I often go there to relax and take my dog for a walk because the green space is very peaceful.

제안: 良いポイント（子供がいて混雑が問題）を挙げていますが改善点：1) 文法（“there's a more needs”→“there is more need” または “we need more”）を正す。2) 不要なフィラーを省く。3) 具体的提案（どんな設備や広さが必要か）を加えて説得力を高める。4) 文を2〜4文に収める。

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. I have a four-year-old son and the nearby parks get very crowded on weekends, so it would be helpful to have more and larger parks with playgrounds and open spaces for families. This would make outings safer and more enjoyable.

제안: 答えは意図が伝わりますが構成と表現の改善が必要：1) 直接質問に答える主題文（Yes, I would like to visit specific parks）を先に述べる。2) 目的（留学）と具体的な公園名（Central Parkなど）を挙げることで詳細性を増す。3) フィラーと反復を避け、文を完結にする。

예시: Yes, I would love to visit some famous parks in New York, especially Central Park. I am studying English to prepare for studying abroad there, and I hope to explore its large lawns, walking trails, and cultural events when I arrive.

× Miyazaki, which, uh, has lots of natures around my house

✓ Miyazaki, which has lots of nature around my house

The noun 'nature' is uncountable in this context and should not be pluralized as 'natures'. Use 'nature' or 'natural areas'. Suggestion: say 'lots of nature' or 'many natural areas' depending on meaning.

× there's also a very big park, uh, close to my house

✓ there's also a very big park close to my house

Remove unnecessary filler commas. The article 'a' is correct; only punctuation and filler removed. Suggestion: speak without extra pauses: 'there's also a very big park close to my house.'

× I also have a dog and I, uh, walk with him everyday

✓ I also have a dog and I walk him every day

Use of 'walk with him' is acceptable but 'walk him' is more natural for walking a dog. Also 'everyday' is an adjective meaning ordinary; the adverb is 'every day'. Suggestion: use 'every day' and prefer 'walk him' or 'walk my dog'.

× I have, there's a big park, uh, with lots of trees and forests also, and there's also a pond where you can fish

✓ I live near a big park with lots of trees and some forest, and there's also a pond where you can fish

Original mixes two clause starts 'I have, there's' causing awkward structure. Combine into one clear sentence and use 'forest' (uncountable) or 'forests' if multiple areas; 'some forest' is natural. Suggestion: say 'I live near a big park with lots of trees and some forest, and there's a pond where you can fish.'

× it's a very big pleasure for me

✓ it's a great pleasure for me

'Big' is not idiomatic with 'pleasure'. Use adjectives like 'great' or 'real' before 'pleasure'. Suggestion: say 'it's a great pleasure for me' or 'I really enjoy it.'

× So I think there's a more needs for a bigger park where uh, Chao Chen

✓ So I think there is more need for a bigger park

'More needs' is incorrect; use uncountable 'need' or 'a greater need'. Also trailing 'where uh, Chao Chen' is incomplete and unclear; remove. Suggestion: 'So I think there is more need for a bigger park' or 'There is a greater need for a bigger park.'

× I will really want to go to the bigger big parks in New York, which is very famous

✓ I really want to go to the bigger parks in New York, which are very famous

'Will really want' is awkward for future desire; simple present 'I really want' or 'I would really like' is better. Also avoid 'bigger big' (redundant). 'Parks' is plural so 'which are' not 'which is'. Suggestion: 'I would really like to visit the big parks in New York, which are very famous.'

× And yeah, and that that would be very.

✓ And yeah, that would be wonderful

Original is incomplete and repeats 'that'. Replace with a complete adjective phrase like 'wonderful' or 'exciting'. Suggestion: 'That would be great' or 'That would be wonderful.'