Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: ปรับประโยคให้เป็นธรรมชาติและไวยากรณ์ถูกต้อง ลดความซ้ำซ้อน และเชื่อมประโยคด้วยคำเชื่อมอย่างเหมาะสม ควรเริ่มด้วยประโยคตอบตรงๆ แล้วตามด้วยรายละเอียดเฉพาะ เช่น บรรยายลักษณะสวน ความทรงจำ และผลต่อความรู้สึก ใช้คำที่ถูกต้อง (เช่น “shine” ไม่ถูกต้อง ควรเป็น “childhood” หรือ “a child”)

예시: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks when I was a child. I remember a large, green park near my home where people were friendly and it felt very relaxing. The peaceful atmosphere helped me relieve stress from studying.

제안: ทำให้ประโยคชัดเจนและลิงก์กันดีขึ้น แก้การใช้ tense และวลีที่ผิด เช่น “I used to” ไม่ตรงกับความหมาย ใช้ประโยคตอบตรงๆ แล้วอธิบายเหตุผลสั้นๆ พร้อมคำเชื่อมเช่น “but” หรือ “however” และรวมวลีให้เป็นประโยคสมบูรณ์

예시: Yes, I still like going to parks, but I don't have much time at the moment because of school exams. However, when I have more free time, I usually go to a park to relax and clear my mind.

제안: ปรับคำศัพท์ให้ถูกต้องและชัดเจน ระวังชื่อสถานที่ผิด (“Shimla” ไม่สอดคล้องกับ Shanghai) และโครงสร้างประโยคต้องสมบูรณ์ ใช้เหตุผลที่ชัดเจนว่าทำไมต้องการสวนเพิ่ม เช่น ประโยชน์ด้านสุขภาพและสภาพแวดล้อม ใช้คำเชื่อมเพื่อความลื่นไหล

예시: Yes, absolutely. I would like to see more parks in Shanghai because currently there are only a few green spaces. More parks would help people relax and reduce stress, and they would improve the city's air quality.

제안: รวมประโยคให้กระชับและลำดับเหตุผลให้ชัด ใช้คำที่ถูกต้อง (เช่น “leisure time” ไม่ใช่ “times”), หลีกเลี่ยงการพูดไม่จบ และใช้คำเชื่อมเช่น “because” หรือ “so” เพื่ออธิบายเหตุผลโดยสั้นๆ ให้รายละเอียดเฉพาะว่าชอบอะไรในสวนสาธารณะนั้น

예시: Yes, I would like to visit a park in Japan in the future. I saw pictures of a large, beautiful theme park on social media and it looked spacious and spectacular, so I would love to experience it in person.

× Yes, I like going to park as a shine.

✓ Yes, I liked going to the park when I was a child.

The speaker is referring to a past habit, so past tense 'liked' is needed. Also use the definite article 'the' with 'park' and a natural phrase 'when I was a child' instead of 'as a shine'. Suggestion: use simple past for past routines and common collocations ('the park', 'when I was a child').

× Back then what I remember it was a spacious park with a green green plants.

✓ Back then, I remember that it was a spacious park with green plants.

The sentence has unnecessary repetition and incorrect article use: 'a green green plants' mixes singular article 'a' with plural 'plants'. Use either 'a green plant' or 'green plants' without 'a'. Also remove redundant 'what' and place 'that' for reported memory. Suggestion: keep subject-verb structure 'I remember that it was...' and match articles to nouns' number.

× People there were friendly. And relaxed, which is good for me to blow up steam from study.

✓ People there were friendly and relaxed, which was good for me to blow off steam from studying.

Fragmentation: 'And relaxed' should join previous sentence. 'Blow up steam' is incorrect idiom; correct is 'blow off steam'. Also use 'from study' -> 'from studying' (gerund) to indicate activity. Use past 'was' to match 'were'. Suggestion: combine clauses, use correct idioms and gerunds for activities.

× Yes, I still like going to parks now, but I used to because nowadays I don't have much time due to exam at school.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks, but I don't go as often now because I don't have much time due to exams at school.

Mixing 'still like' with 'used to' creates tense confusion. 'Used to' implies past habit; here the student means they still like parks but go less often. Also 'exam' should be plural 'exams' and 'nowadays' better placed with present tense. Suggestion: keep present simple for continuing preferences and use 'go less often' or 'don't go as often' for reduced frequency.

× If I have time, if I have more spare time, I hope I can. Going to park and relax.

✓ If I have more spare time, I hope I can go to the park and relax.

Sentence fragment 'Going to park and relax' needs a subject and verb. 'Go to the park' requires the definite article 'the'. Combine conditional and main clause into one sentence. Suggestion: use full clauses and correct article use.

× Yes absolutely. I genuinely like to see more parks in Shanghai since it was a few park at here and I want Shimla to become more greenery city which make people relax and.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I would like to see more parks in Shanghai since there are only a few parks here, and I want Shanghai to become a greener city that helps people relax and not feel too stressed.

Multiple issues: 'it was a few park at here' is ungrammatical — use 'there are only a few parks here'. 'Shimla' seems wrong; likely 'Shanghai'. 'More greenery city' should be 'a greener city' (comparative adjective). 'Which make people relax and.' is an incomplete clause; complete it 'that helps people relax and not feel too stressed.' Suggestion: use 'there is/are' for existence, correct city name, comparatives with '-er', and complete relative clauses.

× In the future, when I have more leisure times, I want to go to the park in Japan, the theme park.

✓ In the future, when I have more leisure time, I want to go to theme parks in Japan.

'Leisure times' should be uncountable 'leisure time'. 'The park in Japan, the theme park' is unclear; better to use plural 'theme parks in Japan' or specify a named park. Suggestion: use uncountable nouns where appropriate and be consistent in referring to parks.

× Because I saw it from social media, it was a beautiful, spacious and spectacular park I have seen in my life which make me want to go there and.

✓ I saw it on social media; it looked like the most beautiful, spacious, and spectacular park I have ever seen, which makes me want to go there.

Beginning a sentence with 'Because' can create a fragment; combine clauses properly. Use 'saw it on social media' (preposition 'on'), 'the most ... I have ever seen' for superlative, and present 'makes' to express ongoing desire. Complete final clause without trailing 'and.' Suggestion: join clauses, use correct prepositions, and ensure verb tense consistency.