Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitations, correct tense and article errors, and add one specific memory to make the answer vivid. Use linking words like 'and' or 'so' sparingly and purposefully.

예시: Yes. I enjoyed going to parks as a child because my parents often took me there to play games and spend time together. For example, I remember racing my friends around the playground every Saturday morning, which showed how active I was and how much I loved running.

제안: Improve clarity and coherence: give a direct topic sentence, fix grammar (articles, word order), avoid repetition, and explain briefly why parks are relaxing with one or two specific details. Use a linking word like 'because' to connect reason and result.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and breathe fresh air. For instance, sitting under a big tree and listening to birds calms me down after a stressful workday.

제안: Make the response more natural and correct grammar: begin with a clear statement, avoid awkward phrases ('every wash everybody'), use concise reasons and a specific consequence. Use linking words like 'so' or 'therefore' correctly.

예시: Yes, I would. More parks would give families places to gather and enjoy outdoor activities, so people would be less likely to stay indoors watching TV. For example, parents could take their children to playgrounds or have picnics on weekends.

제안: Be specific and concise: state the park you want to visit clearly, correct redundancy ('where there are where') and pluralization errors, and give one specific reason why that park interests you. Keep to 2–3 sentences max and use linking words like 'because' or 'for example'.

예시: I would love to visit Titan National Park in the future because it preserves many wild animals in their natural habitat. For example, I'm excited to see diverse species such as deer and various birds and to observe their behavior in the wild.

× Uh, yes. Uh, when I was child, my parents would take me to a park, uh, for playing games or to do other activities and spending time together.

✓ Uh, yes. When I was a child, my parents would take me to a park to play games, do other activities, and spend time together.

Missing article 'a' before 'child' and awkward verb forms/phrasing. Use 'a child' (singular count noun requires an article). Use infinitive 'to play' and base form 'do' to parallel the list; change 'spending' to 'spend' to keep parallel structure. Remove filler words for clarity.

× And, uh, my parents used to say that, uh, I was a very active child and I used to run.

✓ My parents used to say that I was a very active child and that I used to run a lot.

Add 'that' for clarity and add an adverb 'a lot' or similar to complete the thought. The original is grammatically acceptable but sounds incomplete; this correction maintains past habitual meaning using 'used to'.

× Uh, yes, I enjoy going to parks because, uh, when I, when I go to park, I can feel relaxed and I can feel the fresh air and I also can experience the beautiful, uh, and peaceful in my room and.

✓ Uh, yes, I enjoy going to parks because when I go to a park I can feel relaxed, breathe fresh air, and enjoy the beauty and peacefulness away from my room.

Missing article 'a' before 'park' and awkward noun/adjective usage. Use 'a park' for a singular countable noun. Replace 'feel the fresh air' with 'breathe fresh air' and 'experience the beautiful and peaceful in my room' with 'enjoy the beauty and peacefulness away from my room' for grammaticality and clarity. Remove redundant fillers.

× Absolutely yes, because if there are a lot of parks in my city then every wash everybody, our families would love to go there and spend time with each other rather than being in a home and watching and watch TV or cook foods. So.

✓ Absolutely. If there were a lot of parks in my city, everyone — including our families — would love to go there and spend time together rather than staying at home watching TV or cooking food.

Multiple issues: 'every wash everybody' is nonsensical and must be replaced with 'everyone'; conditional requires 'if there were' for hypothetical (subjunctive) or 'if there are' for real possibility. Use consistent verbs 'staying', 'watching', 'cooking' in gerund forms for parallelism. Use 'food' not 'foods' unless referring to types of food. Improve punctuation and remove filler 'So'.

× There are a lot of beautiful parks which I would like to explore in the future, but right now I'm so I'm very excited to visit the Titan National Parks where there are where a lot of wild animals are preserved in their natural habitat.

✓ There are a lot of beautiful parks I would like to explore in the future, but right now I'm very excited to visit the Titan National Park, where many wild animals are preserved in their natural habitat.

Redundant phrases 'which I' can be simplified; remove duplicate 'where'. Use singular 'Titan National Park' if referring to one park (or keep plural if it's a group). Replace 'a lot of' with 'many' for formality. 'Preserved in their natural habitat' is correct after these fixes.

× And I would love to see that varieties of animals and their diversity.

✓ I would love to see the variety of animals and their diversity.

'That varieties' is incorrect; use 'the variety' or 'those varieties'. 'Variety' is a noun requiring an article; 'their diversity' is acceptable but redundant—consider 'the diversity of species' for clarity.