Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be direct with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and grammar, and avoid repetition. Use one or two supporting details linked logically. For example, start with a simple statement about whether you liked parks, then give a concise reason and a brief example.

예시: Yes, I liked parks as a child, but we rarely went because the parks were far from our home. Therefore, we usually played in the street or the courtyard with neighborhood children, which was convenient and fun.

제안: Answer directly and clearly: say whether you still enjoy parks and give a specific reason. Avoid unclear phrases and repetition; use linking words (however, because) to connect ideas and mention concrete details (cleanliness, facilities, cost).

예시: I still enjoy visiting parks, but I prefer theme parks like Disneyland because they have many attractions and are well maintained. However, local parks are often free and convenient, but they can be crowded and not very clean.

제안: Be concise and avoid political generalizations that could be unclear. State your opinion first, then give one or two specific reasons. Use correct grammar (plural/singular, verb agreement) and linking words (because, so).

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they improve residents' quality of life. However, I worry that funding and maintenance can be a problem, so community initiatives or private partnerships might help.

제안: Begin with a clear statement of your future plan, then compare with a past experience using linking words (for example, because, so). Be specific about what you liked and what you want to experience next. Avoid repetitive phrases.

예시: I would like to visit Tokyo Disneyland in the future because I enjoyed Hong Kong Disneyland last year. It was beautifully maintained with many rides, and I hope to experience different attractions and cultural shows in Japan.

× I During my childhood we didn't go as much to parks because we have our parks are pretty far away from home so it takes time to go there.

✓ During my childhood we didn't go to parks much because our parks were pretty far from home, so it took time to get there.

Run-on and mixed tense: The sentence has extra 'I' and combines present tense 'have' with past 'didn't'. Use past tense consistently ('were', 'took') because speaker refers to childhood. Remove redundant words and reorder for clarity. Suggestion: start with 'During my childhood' then use past verbs and concise phrasing.

× So instead of going there, we play only outside of our house with some kids outside.

✓ So instead of going there, we played only outside our house with some local kids.

Tense inconsistency: speaker refers to past habit, so use past tense 'played' rather than present 'play'. Also remove redundant 'outside' and improve noun phrase to 'local kids'.

× The only part that I want to go is Disney park because there's so much rights there though the the but I know it's quite expensive though.

✓ The only park I want to go to is Disneyland because there are so many rides there, but I know it's quite expensive.

Article and noun errors: 'Disney park' should be 'Disneyland' or 'a Disney park' and 'so much rights' is incorrect; use plural 'many rides'. Also fix word order: 'want to go to' and replace repeated fillers. Use 'there are' for plural noun agreement.

× The parks here are cheap or free but it is not that good or it's not that clean and like 2 Disney parks.

✓ The parks here are cheap or free, but they are not very good or very clean, unlike the Disney parks.

Number agreement and pronoun reference: 'parks' is plural so use 'they are' not 'it is'. 'like 2 Disney parks' is informal and unclear; use 'unlike the Disney parks' to contrast. Also avoid '2' numerals in formal sentence; write 'two' if needed.

× I would like to, however the government here are not that good or corrupt so I don't think they can build a park where everyone can enjoy it cause the money are in the pockets in their pockets instead of the people.

✓ I would like to, but the government here is not very good and is corrupt, so I don't think they can build a park that everyone would enjoy because the money is in their pockets instead of with the people.

Subject-verb agreement: 'government' is a singular collective noun, so use 'is' not 'are'. Also 'money' is singular/uncountable so use 'is'. Improve connectors: use 'but' and 'because' for clarity. Use 'that everyone would enjoy' for conditional possibility.

× So last year I went to Disney Parks and it was so beautiful, it was so well maintained and there are so many rides and it is in Hong Kong.

✓ Last year I went to Hong Kong Disneyland and it was beautiful and well maintained; there were so many rides.

Tense and consistency: Narration about past events should use past tense ('were' for 'rides'). Use specific park name 'Hong Kong Disneyland' and avoid mixing present 'are/is' with past 'went' and 'was'. Combine clauses for fluency.

× So I want to go to Disney Parks in Japan. I think it is what it was in Japan.

✓ So I want to go to the Disney parks in Japan; I think they are even better there.

Unclear and redundant phrasing: 'I think it is what it was in Japan' is ungrammatical and vague. Use clear comparative statement 'I think they are even better there.' Match plurality 'parks' with 'they are'.