Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Avoid redundancy (e.g., repeating feelings) and keep within 3–4 sentences. Use linking words like “for example” or “because” to connect ideas smoothly.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were a fun place to play and relax. For example, I remember one afternoon my father picked me up from daycare and we rode bikes, bought ice cream, and played until sunset. That simple routine made parks special to me.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence, then give a specific recent example. Improve grammar (use past tense correctly) and natural phrasing (e.g., “spend time with loved ones” not “nearest and dearest”). Use one linking phrase to show cause and effect (e.g., “because” or “which”).

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they let me relax and spend quality time with loved ones. For example, last week my husband and I walked around the lake and had a picnic, which helped me feel refreshed and less stressed.

제안: Give a concise topic sentence and two specific reasons with varied vocabulary. Avoid repeating similar phrases (“relax” and “unwind” are close); instead offer distinct benefits (health, community, environment). Use linking words like “because” and “for example.”

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they improve people's physical and mental health and create communal spaces for neighbours to meet. For example, a new park could host exercise classes and weekend markets that bring people together.

제안: Begin with a clear statement naming the park, then give two specific reasons why you want to visit. Correct common grammar errors (e.g., “Central Park” not “New York Central Park”, “refreshing”, “I will spend”). Keep sentences natural and avoid awkward phrasing like “one of my dreams only.”

예시: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because I have seen it in films and admired its vast green spaces. I imagine walking along its many paths and enjoying the ponds and gardens, which would be a very refreshing experience.

× We bought some ice cream, I was riding my bike, and we just had the best time ever.

✓ We bought some ice cream, I rode my bike, and we just had the best time ever.

The sentence mixes past continuous 'was riding' with simple past actions in a list. Use simple past 'rode' to maintain consistent tense for completed actions. Suggestion: use the same past tense for parallel actions.

× As you go there, you at the same time communicate with your nearest and dearest and spend time in nature, which makes you feel relaxed and away from your problems.

✓ When you go there, you communicate with your nearest and dearest and spend time in nature, which makes you feel relaxed and helps you get away from your problems.

The original uses an awkward 'As you go there' phrase and an unclear 'away from your problems'. Replace 'As' with 'When' for general truths. Add 'helps you get' to clarify the result. Maintain present simple for habitual actions.

× last week I went there with my husband and we spend a lot of time there and I was really happy and welcome.

✓ Last week I went there with my husband and we spent a lot of time there, and I felt really happy and welcome.

Mixed past tense forms: 'went' is past simple but 'spend' is present; use 'spent'. Also use 'felt' instead of 'was' with adjectives 'happy and welcome'. Ensure past tense consistency for the narrated event.

× Yes, I would definitely like to see more parks since they allow people to relax after work, they provide opportunities to unwind after their stress during their daily life, and also it's a great opportunity to have more nature inside of a big city.

✓ Yes, I would definitely like to see more parks since they allow people to relax after work, provide opportunities to unwind from daily stress, and are a great way to bring more nature into a big city.

Pronoun and phrasing issues: repeated 'they' and awkward 'their stress during their daily life'. Simplify by removing redundancy and using 'from daily stress'. Use plural agreement and clearer phrasing 'bring more nature into' instead of 'have more nature inside of'.

× Yes, one of my dreams only is to go to New York Central Park.

✓ Yes, one of my dreams is to go to New York's Central Park.

'Only' is misplaced and unnecessary. Use possessive form 'New York's Central Park' and remove 'only' or place it correctly if intended. The corrected sentence uses proper quantifier expression 'one of my dreams'.

× Since I was a child, I've been watching movies and I've been seeing this vast forest inside of the city.

✓ Since I was a child, I have watched movies and seen this vast park inside the city.

The original uses present perfect continuous 'have been watching' and 'have been seeing' awkwardly for a long-term experience. Use present perfect simple 'have watched' and 'have seen' to express repeated experience up to now. Also 'forest' is odd for Central Park; 'park' is clearer, and 'inside of the city' should be 'inside the city'.

× It looks so freshing and I think that I will be spending great time to there since they have all the paths to walk around.

✓ It looks so refreshing and I think that I will spend a great time there because it has many paths to walk along.

Several issues: 'freshing' is not a correct adjective; use 'refreshing'. Use simple future 'will spend' rather than 'will be spending' for this prediction. 'to there' is wrong; use 'there'. 'They have' should refer to the park ('it has'), and 'paths to walk around' is better as 'paths to walk along'.