Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and improve sentence variety. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words to keep it natural. Avoid repeating "I remember" and try to use past tense consistently.

예시: Yes — I loved going to the park near my house. It had a large cherry blossom tree, a jungle gym and swings, and I often went there with my nanny and friends after school.

제안: Clarify and correct minor errors, and use linking words to connect ideas. Give a concise reason and one example; avoid repetition such as "it's too hot" twice. Also correct place names if necessary.

예시: Yes, I do when I can. I would like to visit Poxmall to spend time in nature, but at the moment the weather is so hot that I usually avoid staying outdoors.

제안: Fix vocabulary mistakes ("perks"→"parks") and improve sentence cohesion. Begin with a direct answer, then give specific examples linked with connectors. Merge short fragments into complete sentences.

예시: Not really — Tokyo already has many parks despite being very urban. For example, Shinjuku has a huge park, and there is also a spacious park near my home by Tokyo Tower.

제안: Be more concise and avoid repetition ("because" repeated). Start with a topic sentence, then give one clear reason and a short personal comment. Use linking words like "since" or "because" once.

예시: I would like to visit Yoyogi Park near Harajuku because it has a large dog-run area. Since I can't have a dog now, I hope to pet many dogs when I visit.

× I remember specifically there was a park right near my house which had a cherry blossom tree and they had a jungle gym and swings and I remember I always went there with my nanny and my friends.

✓ I remember specifically there was a park right near my house which had a cherry blossom tree and a jungle gym and swings, and I always went there with my nanny and my friends.

The original uses 'they had a jungle gym' which incorrectly shifts the subject to 'they'. The correct construction maintains 'which had' to describe the park's features or uses 'it had'. Also remove the redundant 'I remember' for concision. Suggestion: keep the subject consistent by using 'it had' or repeat 'which had' and connect clauses with commas or conjunctions.

× I do when I have the time.

✓ I do when I have the time.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct present tense. It states a habitual present action and matches the question about current preference.

× I wish I took the time to go to Poxmall because it allows me to interact more with nature, but right now the weather is extremely hot so it's too hot for me to stay in the park.

✓ I wish I took the time to go to Poxmall because it allows me to interact more with nature, but right now the weather is extremely hot so it's too hot for me to stay in the park.

The sentence uses a correct past-subjunctive 'I wish I took the time' to express regret; the rest correctly switches to present reference about weather. No change needed.

× I think we already have enough perks in Tokyo, although it's quite an urban area, they're definitely green spaces.

✓ I think we already have enough parks in Tokyo; although it's quite an urban area, there are definitely green spaces.

'Perks' is a wrong word; context requires 'parks' (vocabulary, not in list, but pronoun 'they' refers awkwardly). Also 'they're definitely green spaces' is a pronoun issue because 'they' has unclear antecedent. Better to use 'there are' to state existence. Suggestion: replace 'perks' with 'parks' and use 'there are' to introduce green spaces.

× For example, in Shinjuku there's a huge park. Actually near my house, which is nearby Tokyo Tower. There's a really large spacious park.

✓ For example, in Shinjuku there's a huge park. Actually, near my house, which is near Tokyo Tower, there's a really large, spacious park.

The original has a sentence fragment 'Actually near my house, which is nearby Tokyo Tower.' This lacks the main verb. Combine clauses and fix redundancy ('nearby' + 'near'). Also add commas for clarity and use one adjective order 'large, spacious' or choose one. Suggestion: ensure clauses have verbs and avoid redundant words.

× I want to go to Yoyogi Park which is near Harajuku and Yoyogi Hachiman because I hear that there are a lot of dogs because there's a dog park and a dog run and I really want to have a dog but I can't.

✓ I want to go to Yoyogi Park, which is near Harajuku and Yoyogi Hachiman, because I hear that there are a lot of dogs: there's a dog park and a dog run, and I really want to have a dog but I can't.

The original runs several clauses together without proper commas and uses 'because' twice creating awkwardness. Preposition use 'near Harajuku and Yoyogi Hachiman' is acceptable but needs commas to separate the relative clause. Suggestion: add commas around the nonrestrictive clause and break long sentence with punctuation for clarity.

× So hopefully I can pet many dogs if I ever visit there.

✓ So hopefully I will be able to pet many dogs if I ever visit there.

'I can pet many dogs' is not wrong but 'hopefully I will be able to' better expresses future possibility or hope. Using 'can' is present ability; use future modal phrase to match 'if I ever visit' which refers to a future event. Suggestion: use 'will be able to' or 'can' with clearer time reference.