Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence. Avoid redundant phrases like “used to” repeated and vague terms such as “savor each moment.” Add one or two specific details (a memory or an activity) and use a linking word to connect ideas. Keep the answer to under five sentences.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often visited a small riverside park with my cousin, where we flew kites and fed the ducks, which made the afternoons feel carefree. Because we had few responsibilities then, those visits were my favorite weekend activity.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence, then give specific supporting details. Replace vague phrases like “we need to wind up” with clearer reasons (e.g., to relax after commuting). Use a linking word (so/however) to connect cause and effect. Keep it within four sentences.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks. Because daily commuting is stressful, I often walk in a nearby park to relax, and I sometimes bring my cat in a carrier. As a result, these walks help me unwind and boost my energy for the rest of the day.

제안: Give a clearer, structured response: state your position, give one specific reason with an example, and avoid unsupported claims (e.g., “cannot afford to go to parks”). Use a linking word to show consequence and suggest a concrete action for the government or community.

예시: Yes, I would. Parks improve residents’ health and provide low-cost recreation, especially for families who work long hours. Therefore, the city should convert unused lots into small green spaces so people can relax nearby without traveling far.

제안: Keep the answer direct and add a specific detail about what you want to see or do there (an attraction or event). Use a linking word to connect the park’s features with your plan, and mention timing if appropriate.

예시: Yes, I’d like to visit Result Park because it has historic gardens and a new interactive science exhibit. I plan to go next summer with my family so we can explore the exhibits and attend the weekend outdoor concerts.

× Yes, I like going to parks.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks.

The examiner asked about childhood preference using past context; the verb should be in the past tense to match 'as a child'. Use 'liked' to show that the preference was in the past rather than present. Suggestion: Use past tense when referring to habits or preferences in childhood, e.g., 'I liked going to parks when I was a child.'

× When I was a child, I used to go with my cousin way back in the early 90s.

✓ When I was a child, I used to go with my cousin way back in the early 90s.

No grammatical correction needed; sentence correctly uses 'used to' to describe a past habitual action. Keep as is.

× We used to savor each moment together when we were still free to go and roam around the town and explore parks.

✓ We used to savor each moment together when we were free to roam around the town and explore parks.

Redundant phrasing 'still free to go and roam' is awkward. Simplify by removing 'to go and' since 'roam' already implies movement. Suggestion: keep sentences concise and avoid unnecessary verbs that repeat the same idea.

× Overall, the experience was enjoyable.

✓ Overall, the experience was enjoyable.

No correction needed; past tense 'was' correctly matches the childhood reference.

× Yes, I do still like going to parks.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks.

'Do' is unnecessary for positive statements in present simple unless used for emphasis. Removing 'do' makes the sentence more natural. Suggestion: Use 'do' only for emphasis (I do still like...).

× Nowadays, the traffic congestion makes us all feel very tired.

✓ Nowadays, traffic congestion makes people feel tired.

'The traffic congestion' is acceptable but 'makes us all feel very tired' is informal and wordy. Changing to 'makes people feel tired' is more general and natural. Suggestion: Use 'people' to generalize and avoid unnecessary modifiers like 'very' unless needed for emphasis.

× We need to wind up.

✓ We need to wind down.

'Wind up' usually means to finish or conclude; 'wind down' means to relax. Context is about feeling tired and wanting to relax, so use 'wind down'. Suggestion: Choose phrasal verbs that match intended meaning.

× So in my free time, I tend to explore and walk around the park with my cat.

✓ So in my free time, I tend to explore and walk around the park with my cat.

No grammatical correction needed; pronoun use is correct. Sentence is fine.

× Overall, the experience was relaxing and invigorating.

✓ Overall, the experience is relaxing and invigorating.

Context asks about current liking of parks. If referring to present experience when visiting parks now, use present simple 'is'. If speaking about a specific past visit, 'was' is fine. Suggestion: Match tense to intended time: use 'is' for general present statements and 'was' for specific past events.

× Absolutely, parks are essential needs in everyday life.

✓ Absolutely, parks are essential in everyday life.

'Essential needs' is redundant; 'essential' already indicates necessity. Use 'essential' without 'needs'. Suggestion: Avoid combining 'essential' with 'needs'; choose one (essential or necessary).

× Most people cannot afford to go to parks nowadays due to certain job obligations.

✓ Most people cannot afford to go to parks nowadays because of job obligations.

'Due to certain job obligations' is wordy; 'because of job obligations' is clearer. Pronoun use is fine but simplify phrasing for clarity. Suggestion: Prefer plain connectors like 'because of' for causal statements.

× That's why they tend to go to malls.

✓ That's why they tend to go to malls.

No grammatical correction needed; present tense 'tend' appropriately expresses current habitual behavior.

× Overall, the government needs to build parks.

✓ Overall, the government needs to build more parks.

Add 'more' to clarify quantity; 'needs to build parks' is grammatical but adding 'more' matches the question about wanting additional parks. Suggestion: Use modals like 'need to' plus clarifying quantifiers when discussing policy recommendations.

× I would love to go to the Result park.

✓ I would love to go to the Result Park.

'Would love to' correctly expresses future desire. Capitalize proper noun 'Result Park'. Suggestion: Capitalize names of places.

× It is historic and provides ample opportunities for exploration.

✓ It is historic and provides ample opportunities for exploration.

Sentence is grammatical and clear; no change needed. 'Historic' correctly describes significance and 'ample opportunities' is appropriate.

× Since there are new innovations and attractions inside the park, I would love to see it with my family and friends in the future.

✓ Since there are new attractions in the park, I would love to visit it with my family and friends in the future.

'Innovations' is odd in this context; 'attractions' suffices. Use 'visit' instead of 'see' for better collocation with 'park'. Suggestion: Use natural collocations: 'visit a park', 'attractions in the park'.