Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be clear and direct. Start with a topic sentence that answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unclear words and incorrect word choices (e.g., “patient,” “erroneous”). Use linking words like “because” or “so” to connect ideas. Keep to 2–4 short sentences.

예시: No, I didn’t often go to parks as a child because there wasn’t one near our neighborhood. As a result, I rarely experienced playgrounds or outdoor events, so I have few childhood park memories.

제안: Answer directly and expand with clear reasons using linking words. Combine related ideas and avoid vague phrases like “a lot of time” or “unnecessary.” Say whether you dislike parks generally or in certain conditions (e.g., weather, crowding). Keep sentences concise and natural.

예시: Not really. I usually avoid parks now because they get very hot in my city, and I prefer indoor activities where I can be comfortable and save time.

제안: State your position clearly, then give a specific reason and one example. Use linking words like “because” and “for example.” Be concise and avoid repeating phrases. Mention the benefits for children or the community to strengthen your answer.

예시: Yes, I would. I think more parks would benefit children because they offer safe places to play and socialise. For example, a small playground in each neighborhood would give kids a chance to exercise and make friends.

제안: Answer directly, then give specific examples and a brief reason. Correct vocabulary (e.g., “park” not “part”; “China Kingdom” likely “Chimelong” or “Shanghai Disney”) and avoid uncertain filler phrases. Keep to 2–3 clear sentences and use linking words like “for example” or “because.”

예시: Yes, I’d love to visit large theme parks in the future, for example Disneyland or the Marvel-themed attractions. I’m interested because they offer exciting rides and immersive shows I’ve never experienced.

× Growing up, the patient, the place, the area that we are living doesn't have a park nearby.

✓ Growing up, the place where we lived didn't have a park nearby.

Subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing: 'the patient, the place, the area that we are living' is incorrect and wordy. Use 'the place where we lived' to match past context; 'didn't' agrees with singular 'place' and past tense 'lived' matches 'growing up'. Suggestion: simplify noun phrase and ensure verb agrees with subject and tense.

× That is why going to park isn't something erroneous when I was young or something I do appreciate until now.

✓ That is why going to the park wasn't something common when I was young, and it's not something I appreciate now.

Sentence structure and word choice: 'going to park isn't something erroneous' is ungrammatical and 'when I was young' requires past tense. Replace 'erroneous' with 'common' and use 'wasn't' for past; 'do appreciate until now' should be 'it's not something I appreciate now' to express current feeling. Suggestion: match tense for time expressions and use appropriate vocabulary.

× No, I don't like going to parks now I find it hot.

✓ No, I don't like going to parks now; I find them hot.

Present tense subject-pronoun agreement and punctuation: 'it' incorrectly refers to 'parks' (plural), so use 'them'. Also add punctuation or a conjunction between clauses. Suggestion: ensure pronouns agree with noun number and separate independent clauses.

× I find it unnecessary or a lot of time.

✓ I find them unnecessary and a waste of time.

Structure and word choice: 'a lot of time' is colloquial and awkward here. Also 'it' should be 'them' to match plural 'parks'. Use 'a waste of time' to convey the intended meaning. Suggestion: choose idiomatic expressions and keep pronoun number consistent.

× Yes, I do like to see some parks in my city, more parks specific in order for kids growing up right now be able to experience the fun at park or inside in the park where I did not have the opportunity.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city, specifically so that children growing up now can experience the fun in parks that I did not have the opportunity to enjoy.

Modal and structure: 'do like to see' is awkward; 'would like' better expresses desire. 'Specific' misused; use 'specifically'. 'in order for kids... be able' is ungrammatical—use 'so that children... can'. Also maintain tense consistency: 'did not have the opportunity to enjoy' correctly refers to past. Suggestion: use appropriate modal for politeness, correct connectors ('so that'), and ensure verb forms after those connectors are correct.

× Honestly, the part that I want to go in the future will be theme parks like Disney and China Kingdom or any Marvel parks if it is possible.

✓ Honestly, the places I want to visit in the future are theme parks like Disney, China Kingdom, or any Marvel parks if possible.

Sentence structure and word choice: 'the part that I want to go' is incorrect—use 'the places I want to visit'. Use plural 'are' to agree with plural subject. 'If it is possible' is wordy; 'if possible' is preferred. Suggestion: use 'visit' for places and ensure subject-verb agreement and concise phrasing.

× I think they're still under Disney, but those parks are what I want.

✓ I think they're still owned by Disney, but those parks are what I want to visit.

Pronoun and verb choice: 'under Disney' is informal; 'owned by Disney' clarifies meaning. Add 'to visit' to complete the idea. Suggestion: use precise verbs for relationships (owned by) and include main verb to finish thought.