Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Votre réponse est claire et naturelle, mais vous pouvez améliorer la précision lexicale, la concision et corriger quelques erreurs mineures. Par exemple, évitez les répétitions («I enjoy») en utilisant des synonymes, corrigez la formulation «my phones with small camera» en «my phone with a small camera», et raccourcissez légèrement pour rester dans la limite de cinq phrases. Ajoutez un lien logique bref pour fluidifier la phrase finale.

예시: Yes, I like photographing different views. As photography is a hobby of mine, I often capture landscapes and cityscapes when I travel. It helps me record memorable moments, so I usually carry my phone with a compact camera. For instance, I photographed a sunset at a coastal village last month, which reminded me of that trip.

제안: La réponse est pertinente mais contient des erreurs grammaticales et une fin incomplète («in the.»). Améliorez la cohésion en utilisant des mots de liaison comme «because» et «therefore», donnez des détails plus précis (quel type de wildlife, nommez un lieu) et corrigez la phrase finale pour qu'elle soit complète et concise. Évitez les répétitions et limitez-vous à cinq phrases au maximum.

예시: I prefer rural views because living in Guangzhou makes the countryside feel more novel and peaceful. There I can see birds and small mammals, as well as rivers and green mountains that are rare in the city. Therefore, I often go hiking in places like Conghua to escape the city’s noise and recharge.

제안: Bonne idée et contenu personnel, mais corrigez des erreurs mineures («well preserved» → «well-preserved», «country history» → «country’s history») et réduisez la longueur en évitant la redondance. Utilisez un lien logique comme «for example» (déjà présent) puis une brève conclusion. Ajoutez un détail concret (une caractéristique architecturale) pour enrichir la réponse.

예시: I prefer views in my own country because they feel more culturally meaningful to me. For example, I visited the well-preserved temples in Xi’an, whose intricate carvings and towering wooden beams showcase ancient architecture. Exploring them gave me a stronger connection to my country’s history.

× I usually carry my phones with small camera to capture important things.

✓ I usually carry my phone with a small camera to capture important things.

The noun 'phone' should be singular when referring to the personal device the speaker carries; 'phones' (plural) is incorrect unless they carry multiple devices. Also 'small camera' needs an article 'a' because it is a singular, countable noun. Suggestion: use 'my phone' and 'a small camera' to match standard noun number and article usage.

× I prefer views in rural areas because I live in Guangzhou, so countryside feels more unfamiliar and attractive to me.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas because I live in Guangzhou, so the countryside feels more unfamiliar and attractive to me.

The noun 'countryside' is a specific noun here and requires the definite article 'the'. Without 'the' the sentence sounds unnatural. Suggestion: insert 'the' before 'countryside' when referring to rural areas in general contrast to the city.

× There I can see wildlife, rivers and mountains which I rarely see in the city.

✓ There I can see wildlife, rivers, and mountains that I rarely see in the city.

The relative clause should use 'that' (or 'which' with a preceding comma) to define the items; adding a comma before 'and' in the list improves clarity. Suggestion: use 'that' for defining relative clauses or add a comma before 'which' if using non-defining clause.

× So I enjoy going hiking in rural areas to escape from the hustle and bustle in the.

✓ So I enjoy going hiking in rural areas to escape from the hustle and bustle in the city.

The sentence ends with an incomplete prepositional phrase 'in the.' It needs the object 'city' to complete the phrase. Suggestion: add 'city' to complete the contrast with rural areas.

× For example, I visited some well preserved temples in Xi'an which are culturally significant and have beautiful architecture, and exploring them gave me a stronger connection to my country history.

✓ For example, I visited some well-preserved temples in Xi'an which are culturally significant and have beautiful architecture, and exploring them gave me a stronger connection to my country's history.

The compound adjective 'well-preserved' needs a hyphen. 'Country history' requires the possessive form 'my country's history' to show the history belongs to the country. Suggestion: hyphenate 'well-preserved' and use the possessive form for clarity.