Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and repetitions, and give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, “for example” or “also”). Watch pronunciation and unclear fragments (e.g., “Sectarian”, “Scroll down my feet”) and replace them with clear phrases.

예시: Yes, I do. I especially enjoy photographing landscapes and sunsets because of their dramatic colours. For example, during a semester abroad I took many landscape photos of mountain sunsets and close-ups of local flowers, and I often browse those pictures to remember the trip.

제안: Make a direct comparison with a clear topic sentence and supporting reasons. Reduce fillers (umm, I, I) and use appropriate vocabulary (skyscrapers, scenery). Use linking words like “however” or “on the other hand” when contrasting.

예시: I like both urban and rural views because each offers something different. For instance, urban areas provide striking shots of skyscrapers and vibrant street scenes, whereas rural areas offer peaceful countryside scenery and natural textures.

제안: Be confident and concise: state your preference clearly, give specific reasons, and avoid unfinished sentences. Replace vague phrases with concrete descriptions (e.g., “power lines” not “wires”), and explain the effect on photos. Use linking words like “because” and “therefore.”

예시: I prefer taking pictures in the United States more than in Pakistan because power lines and street clutter often spoil sunset shots there. Because there is also more air pollution in my city, sunsets look hazy, so I get clearer, more colourful skies when I travel abroad.

× You're, you're absolutely.

✓ You are absolutely right.

The original 'You're, you're absolutely.' is ungrammatical and uses a contracted pronoun without a complement. Replace contraction with full form and add an adjective ('right') to complete the clause. Suggest speaking: 'You are absolutely right.' to be clear and grammatical.

× I loved, I loved taking pictures of different views, particularly different landscapes, umm, sunsets and different kind of flowers.

✓ I loved taking pictures of different views, particularly landscapes, sunsets, and different kinds of flowers.

Redundant repetition 'I loved, I loved' is stylistic but not needed; 'different kind of flowers' should be pluralized to 'different kinds of flowers' to match plural noun. Use past tense 'loved' is acceptable if describing a past period; keep punctuation and parallel list structure.

× I remembered it.

✓ I remember it.

Context indicates ongoing memory about an experience; present simple 'I remember it' is more natural. 'I remembered it' implies a past action of recalling. Choose tense to match intended meaning.

× I've been on a semester exchange program where I did like lot of photography and I still have all those pictures where I sometime Scroll down my feet and.

✓ I've been on a semester exchange program where I did a lot of photography, and I still have all those pictures that I sometimes scroll through on my phone.

Multiple issues: 'did like lot of photography' requires article: 'did a lot of photography' or 'took a lot of photographs' (quantifier error and verb choice). 'where I sometime Scroll down my feet and' is ungrammatical: 'sometimes scroll through' (verb + -ing form) and specify device 'on my phone'. Capitalization 'Scroll' corrected. Use present perfect 'I've been' is OK; keep consistent present/simple for 'I still have'.

× I, I guess I like both of them, umm because every, every place has its own uniqueness.

✓ I guess I like both, because every place has its own uniqueness.

Redundant pronoun 'them' is unnecessary after 'like both' when context is clear; remove extra commas and repetitions. 'Uniqueness' is countable/uncountable depending on use; here 'its own uniqueness' is acceptable. Simplify to natural spoken phrasing.

× For example, if you're visiting an urban area, you would like manage to take different shoots of scratch scrappers

✓ For example, if you're visiting an urban area, you could manage to take different shots of skyscrapers.

Several errors: 'would like manage' is ungrammatical; use 'could manage' or 'can manage'. 'Shoots' (noun) should be 'shots' for photographs. 'scratch scrappers' is misspelling of 'skyscrapers'. Preposition use 'of skyscrapers' is correct after 'shots'.

× And then if you are in a rural area, so it has its own like views.

✓ If you are in a rural area, it has its own views.

Redundant conjunctions 'And then' and 'so' together make the sentence clumsy; remove one. 'Like' is filler; omit for clarity. Keep simple: 'If you are in a rural area, it has its own views.'

× I don't know if it's feel a bit controversial, but I love taking pictures in United States more as compared compared to in Pakistan because I feel like whenever we I want to take a picture of sunset, there would be like so many wires or electricity poles everywhere.

✓ I don't know if this sounds a bit controversial, but I prefer taking pictures in the United States compared to Pakistan because whenever I want to take a picture of a sunset there are often so many wires and electricity poles everywhere.

Many structural problems: 'it's feel' should be 'this sounds' or 'it feels'; 'love taking pictures in United States more as compared compared to in Pakistan' is awkward and duplicated 'compared'; use 'prefer taking pictures in the United States compared to Pakistan.' Remove extra pronoun 'we' before 'I want'. Use 'there are often' rather than 'there would be like'. Use article 'a sunset'. Replace 'so many wires or electricity poles' with 'so many wires and electricity poles'.

× And I feel like there is a lot of pollution here so you cannot get as.

✓ And I feel like there is a lot of pollution here, so you cannot get the same clear views.

Sentence fragment 'so you cannot get as.' incomplete. Add object 'the same clear views' to complete comparison. 'A lot of pollution here' is fine; include comma before conjunction. This fixes prepositional/comparative incompleteness.