Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples with brief details, and finish with a short reason. Avoid repetition (e.g., saying “I love taking pictures” multiple times) and filler words like “maybe” and “like.” Use linking words (for example, and, because) to make the answer coherent.

예시: Yes, I really enjoy taking pictures of everyday scenes. For example, I often photograph the sunset from my bedroom window because the colors change quickly and it looks dramatic. I also like capturing street scenes, such as bicycles and dogs, because they show everyday life and movement.

제안: Make your preference clearer and reduce redundancy. Begin with a direct statement of preference, then give one or two concrete reasons or examples, using linking words (however, although, because). Avoid repeating phrases like “I do” and overly long clauses.

예시: I prefer urban views because I grew up in the city and I enjoy the variety of architecture and street life. However, I also enjoy photographing rural areas when I visit them because the landscapes and quiet villages offer different, peaceful scenes.

제안: Be more direct and avoid hesitations. Start with a clear statement (e.g., I prefer views in other countries, although I haven’t traveled abroad). Explain why with specific details (what about foreign views appeals to you) and avoid fillers like “umm.” Use linking words such as although and because to connect ideas.

예시: Although I’ve never traveled abroad, I prefer views from other countries because films and documentaries often show unfamiliar landscapes and architecture that seem exotic and inspiring. Because I haven’t seen them in person, I find foreign scenery especially attractive and inspiring for future travel.

× I love taking pictures of different views I see around every day.

✓ I love taking pictures of the different views I see every day.

The original sentence misorders modifiers and omits the definite article before 'different views' when referring to specific views seen daily. Use the present participle 'taking' correctly but place 'every day' after 'see' and add 'the' to indicate those particular views. Suggestion: 'I love taking pictures of the different views I see every day.'

× Like bikes, maybe a beautiful sunset that I can see from my window in my room and a cute dog passing by.

✓ For example, bikes, a beautiful sunset I can see from my window, and a cute dog passing by.

The original is a sentence fragment beginning with 'Like' and has redundant phrasing ('window in my room'). Convert to a full list introduced by 'For example' and remove redundancy. Place items in parallel structure separated by commas.

× I think all that we see around the whole day are like different kind of views and I like to see them.

✓ I think everything we see throughout the day is a different kind of view, and I like to look at them.

'All that we see' treated as singular 'everything' requires singular verb 'is' (subject-verb agreement). Also 'different kind' should be 'a different kind' for singular; 'throughout the day' is more natural than 'around the whole day'. Use 'look at' instead of 'see' for variety. Suggestion improves agreement and idiomatic phrasing.

× Having been brought up in urban areas, I do prefer using urban areas more than I do and rural areas, but that's just because of my upbringing.

✓ Having been brought up in an urban area, I do prefer urban areas more than rural areas, but that's just because of my upbringing.

The phrase 'using urban areas' is incorrect—'prefer urban areas' is sufficient. Also 'brought up in urban areas' is generic; singular 'an urban area' is clearer when speaking of upbringing. Removed redundant 'I do' and corrected article usage.

× But whenever I do go to villages and small towns, I do love taking pictures there as well because I love the view.

✓ Whenever I go to villages or small towns, I love taking pictures there as well because I enjoy the views.

Avoid starting with 'But' after previous sentence; simplify auxiliary 'do' which is unnecessary. Use 'or' for alternatives and plural 'views' to match 'taking pictures'. Use 'enjoy' for variety.

× I personally have never traveled abroad but as a person who loves watching movies, English movies in general, I do prefer the views and other countries because I haven't really been to them and they seem very alluring umm through the screen.

✓ I have never traveled abroad personally, but as someone who loves watching English movies, I prefer the views of other countries because I have not been there and they seem very alluring through the screen.

Streamline tense consistency: use present perfect 'have never traveled' and 'have not been' consistently. 'I do prefer the views and other countries' is awkward; change to 'prefer the views of other countries'. Remove filler 'umm' and ensure preposition 'to' after 'been' is correct. This corrects tense usage and improves clarity.