Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: begin with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (e.g., "I recently just" and repeating reasons), and finish the idea. Add one specific example to enrich the answer. Keep to 2–4 sentences and use linking words like "because" or "so" for coherence.

예시: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views. I recently bought a camera, so I can capture landscapes as keepsakes because looking back at those photos makes me happy. For example, I often photograph sunsets at the beach to remember the colors and atmosphere.

제안: Start with a clear direct answer, then give 1–2 specific reasons using linking words. Avoid redundant phrases like "calm tranquility" (choose one). Mention a concrete detail or comparison to strengthen your point.

예시: I prefer rural views because they feel more peaceful and natural. For instance, I like photographing beaches and wide open skies there, which often have softer light than crowded cityscapes, so the photos look calmer and more vivid.

제안: Give a direct answer, then support it with a specific example and reason. Avoid vague comparisons like "unlike any other views"—explain what is different. Use linking words (e.g., "because", "for example") and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: I prefer views in other countries because they offer different scenery and atmospheres. For example, when I visited Hong Kong, the skyline and harbor views were strikingly different from what I see in the Philippines, and they felt less crowded, so the experience was more relaxed.

× In fact, I recently just bought a camera to take pictures.

✓ In fact, I recently bought a camera to take pictures.

This sentence uses both 'recently' and 'just', which is redundant. Use one time adverb to be concise. Also 'bought' is simple past and correct for a recent completed action, so remove the extra adverb for clarity.

× I'd like to store them as a memory and I would like to keep looking at them because it makes me happy to see beautiful places, scenery and.

✓ I'd like to store them as memories and keep looking at them because it makes me happy to see beautiful places and scenery.

The sentence ends with a trailing 'and' and uses 'a memory' which is incorrect for plural photos; 'memories' is appropriate (singular/plural issue). Also combine repeated 'I would like' to avoid redundancy and complete the list by removing the dangling 'and'.

× I prefer views in the rural areas because I like taking photos of the beach and it usually gives me a sense of calm tranquility, and I also like the view of the skies in rural areas, especially because it's still bright there.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas because I like taking photos of the beach and it usually gives me a sense of calm and tranquility; I also like the view of the sky in rural areas, especially because it is still bright there.

Do not use the definite article 'the' before a general plural noun 'rural areas' when speaking generally. Use 'calm and tranquility' for parallel nouns and 'the skies' should be 'the sky' or 'the view of the sky' for natural singular mass noun. Replace contraction 'it's' with 'it is' for formality if desired; overall punctuation improved for clarity.

× I do prefer views in other countries rather than my own country because I went to Hong Kong once and the view there is very beautiful and unlike any other views that I have seen here in the Philippines and it is usually less crowded.

✓ I prefer views in other countries to those in my own country because I went to Hong Kong once; the view there was very beautiful and unlike any I have seen here in the Philippines, and it was usually less crowded.

When comparing preferences, use 'prefer A to B' rather than 'prefer A rather than B' (comparison error). Use 'those in my own country' to avoid repetition. Change tense to past 'was' to match 'I went' and use 'any' rather than 'any other views' for more natural expression. Also split into clearer clauses with proper punctuation.