Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar; start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, fix vocabulary errors, and give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Aim for 2–4 sentences. For example, say you prefer experiencing scenes directly, then give a specific reason (e.g., it helps you remember feelings) and a brief example.

예시: I don't really like taking photos of views; I prefer to take them in with my eyes. For example, when I visit a mountain, I focus on the sounds and smells as well as the sight, which helps me remember the experience better. However, I sometimes take a quick photo to share with family.

제안: Provide a direct topic sentence stating your preference, then support it with specific reasons and a linking word. Reduce vague phrases and avoid repetition. Mention concrete features you like in urban areas (e.g., architecture, cafes) or rural ones (e.g., nature, quiet) to show lexical range.

예시: I prefer urban views because I enjoy architecture and lively street scenes. For instance, I like walking past historic buildings and small cafes, which give the city a lot of character. That said, I also appreciate rural scenery for its peace and greenery.

제안: Be careful with sensitive comparisons and vague judgments. Start with a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then explain specific reasons and give one or two concrete examples. Avoid absolute statements about your country; instead say what aspects you like abroad (e.g., different architecture, landscapes, cleanliness) and contrast politely.

예시: I tend to prefer views in other countries because they offer different styles of architecture and landscapes. For example, I admire New York's skyline and Australia's coastal scenery, which feel very different from what I usually see in India. Still, India has many beautiful places, but I enjoy the contrast when I travel abroad.

× Not because I'm not interested in taking pictures of different views, it's just that I want to absorb everything through my eyes rather than taking picture.

✓ Not because I'm not interested in taking pictures of different views; it's just that I want to absorb everything through my eyes rather than taking pictures.

The noun 'picture' must be plural to match 'taking' and parallel 'taking pictures' earlier; also punctuation: use a semicolon or separate sentences for two independent clauses. Suggestion: keep parallel structure ('taking pictures') and separate independent clauses properly.

× I know a picture can be a piece of memory for me to remember it all by, but I would still prefer it to watch it when money can dies.

✓ I know a picture can be a way to remember things, but I would still prefer to watch them with my own eyes rather than rely on photos.

Original has several issues: awkward phrasing 'piece of memory' and 'for me to remember it all by' (use 'a way to remember things'); 'prefer it to watch it' is ungrammatical—use 'prefer to watch them'; 'when money can dies' is nonsensical and ungrammatical. Suggest replacing with a clear contrast: 'prefer to watch them with my own eyes rather than rely on photos.' Maintain present tense and meaning.

× Personally, I am more of a urban area person, yeah.

✓ Personally, I am more of an urban-area person.

Use 'an' before a vowel sound: 'an urban-area person.' Also hyphenate 'urban-area' as a compound modifier before 'person' for clarity, and remove colloquial 'yeah' for formal speech. Suggest using 'an urban-area person' or 'more of a person who prefers urban areas.'

× As I live in India, I think I'd still prefer a view that is in another country.

✓ As I live in India, I think I would still prefer a view in another country.

Sentence is mostly correct but 'that is in another country' is wordy; use 'in another country.' Also expand contraction for clarity if needed. Tense and meaning are fine.

× Another country like Australia, maybe New York, US, or maybe some other beautiful country like Germany.

✓ For example, another country like Australia, or a city such as New York in the US, or another beautiful country like Germany.

List items need parallel structure and correct prepositions: 'New York, US' should be 'New York in the US' or 'New York, the US.' Use 'for example' to introduce examples. Ensure parallel phrasing when listing countries and cities.

× No doubt India is beautiful and has many beautiful places, but I think it's not as good.

✓ No doubt India is beautiful and has many wonderful places, but I think I prefer some places abroad.

'Not as good' is vague and compares without a clear object; better to state preference. Also avoid repeating 'beautiful' twice; use synonyms. Suggest explicitly stating preference rather than vague comparison.