Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and avoid hesitations and repetitions. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Focus on coherent phrasing (e.g., 'I always take photos with my phone') and correct minor grammar (e.g., 'take photos with my phone' not 'take the picture with us').

예시: I enjoy taking photos of various views. For example, when I see a tranquil park or an impressive hotel, I always take out my iPhone to capture the scene because I like preserving calm or striking urban moments.

제안: Answer directly and avoid confusing phrasing. Start with a clear stance (e.g., 'I prefer urban views') and use linking words to list reasons. Eliminate filler words like 'uh' and redundant phrases ('more facilities that are different'). Provide specific examples of what you find interesting.

예시: I prefer views in urban areas because cities have lively streets, diverse restaurants and cafés, and striking architecture like skyscrapers and bridges. For instance, I enjoy photographing busy markets and modern buildings that show a city's character.

제안: Make your position clear and correct grammar. Start with a direct statement (e.g., 'I prefer views in other countries') and give a specific reason with a clear example. Avoid unclear phrases ('Wilson foreign countries', 'a confident') and fix tense and article errors. Use linking words like 'because' or 'for example' correctly.

예시: I prefer views in other countries because I find different cultures and architectures fascinating. For example, when I visited Vietnam, I was captivated by the blend of traditional Asian styles and French colonial buildings, which made great photos.

× I never forget to take up my iPhone and take the picture with us with my phone camera.

✓ I never forget to take out my iPhone and take pictures with my phone camera.

The phrase 'take up' is incorrect here; 'take out' is the correct phrasal verb for removing a phone from a pocket or bag. 'Take the picture' is awkward when referring to a habitual action; use the gerund/plural 'take pictures' to match 'one of my hobbies'. Also 'with us' is incorrect and unnecessary. Suggestion: use 'take out' and 'take pictures' for natural expression.

× I never forget to take up my iPhone and take the picture with us with my phone camera.

✓ I never forget to take out my iPhone and take pictures with my phone camera.

Using singular 'the picture' conflicts with the habitual context; plural 'pictures' fits when describing a recurring hobby. Remove 'with us' which is incorrect. Suggestion: use plural nouns for repeated actions.

× For example, when I see a tranquil park or a magnificent factory or business building, uh, uh, for example, hotel.

✓ For example, when I see a tranquil park or a magnificent factory, business building, or hotel, I take photos.

Original sentence is a fragment and repetitive ('for example' twice) and has disfluent fillers ('uh'). It lacks a main verb connected to the examples. Suggestion: combine the list of places and add a main clause (e.g., 'I take photos') to complete the sentence.

× I most definitely prefer views in urban areas or rural areas because to me urban areas are more interesting.

✓ I most definitely prefer views in urban areas rather than rural areas because, to me, urban areas are more interesting.

The original 'prefer views in urban areas or rural areas' is unclear; 'prefer A rather than B' fits present preference. Add commas around 'to me' as a parenthetical phrase. Suggestion: use 'prefer A rather than B' for clear comparison.

× There are more people hustling around, uh, more facilities that are different, restaurants and hotels, and the infrastructure is always more impressive in the cities.

✓ There are more people hustling around, more varied facilities such as restaurants and hotels, and the infrastructure is always more impressive in cities.

'More facilities that are different' is unidiomatic; use 'more varied facilities' or 'different kinds of facilities'. 'In the cities' is okay but 'in cities' is more natural when speaking generally. Suggestion: use 'such as' to introduce examples and 'varied' for variety.

× I prefer views than other countries over my own country, because I always think that Wilson foreign countries are very interesting.

✓ I prefer views in other countries to those in my own country because I always think that foreign countries are more interesting.

The structure 'prefer X than Y' is incorrect; use 'prefer X to Y'. 'Views than other countries over my own country' is wordy and ungrammatical. Remove unclear word 'Wilson'. Also 'views in other countries' must be compared to 'those in my own country' to avoid ambiguity. Suggestion: use 'prefer A to B' and replace vague nouns with clear references.

× When I was a kid, for example, and a while ago I went to Vietnam a confident the combination of Asian architecture and French architecture fascinating.

✓ When I was a kid, for example, and a while ago I went to Vietnam; I found the combination of Asian and French architecture fascinating.

The original mixes time references and has missing verbs and incorrect words ('a confident'). Use past tense 'found' to describe past impressions. Combine clauses properly with a semicolon or separate sentences. Simplify 'Asian architecture and French architecture' to 'Asian and French architecture'. Suggestion: ensure verbs are present for each clause and use correct past-tense verbs like 'found'.