Travelling— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundancy, fix tense and word choice errors, and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. For example, replace “observe different landscapes and sceneries” with “watch the changing scenery,” and change “free from after busy” to “free from my busy day.”

예시: Yes, I usually look out of the window to watch the changing scenery. For example, I like seeing fields and villages pass by, which helps me relax after a busy day.

제안: Improve fluency and clarity: avoid filler words (uh), correct word choice (e.g., “babysit them” is incorrect), complete the idea, and keep to 2–4 sentences. Use a linking word to explain why you take photos and give a specific example.

예시: Yes, definitely. When I see a beautiful mountain or coastline, I take photos with my phone so I can remember the view later. For example, I photographed a sunset over the sea last month and often look at the picture to relive that moment.

제안: Be more precise and reduce repetition and fillers. Give a clear main sentence and one specific reason with a linking word. Replace vague phrases like “take my mind off” with “take my mind off problems” and remove repeated fragments.

예시: I prefer the sea because it helps me take my mind off problems and feel calm. For instance, listening to the waves during a seaside walk makes me feel peaceful and recharged.

× Yes, most of the time I prefer looking through the window and observe different landscapes and sceneries.

✓ Yes, most of the time I prefer looking through the window and observing different landscapes and scenery.

After 'prefer' when two verbs are linked by 'and' and the first is in the -ing form, the second should also be in the -ing form for parallel structure. Also 'scenery' is an uncountable noun and usually not pluralized in this context. Improve by keeping parallel -ing verbs and using the uncountable form: 'looking... and observing different landscapes and scenery.'

× I enjoy it and it makes my mind relaxed and free from after busy.

✓ I enjoy it and it makes my mind relaxed and frees me from feeling busy afterwards.

The original has incorrect pronoun reference ('my mind' vs intended 'me'), incorrect word order ('free from after busy'), and wrong adjective/adverb use. 'Frees me from feeling busy afterwards' correctly uses a verb phrase and places adverb 'afterwards' after the clause. Also use 'me' rather than 'my mind' for natural expression.

× When I see a beautiful mountain or a seaside, I always take a photo and store that uh, beautiful landscape in my gallery.

✓ When I see a beautiful mountain or the seaside, I always take a photo and store that beautiful landscape in my gallery.

Article use: 'a seaside' is less natural; 'the seaside' or 'the sea' is preferred when referring to a general coastal area you can see. Remove filler 'uh' in corrected sentence. The demonstrative 'that' with 'beautiful landscape' is acceptable; keep consistent article usage.

× I usually use my phone and after some time I can babysit them and uh, remember how I.

✓ I usually use my phone and after some time I can revisit them and remember how I felt.

'Babysit them' is incorrect collocation for reviewing photos. Use 'revisit them' or 'look back at them.' The fragment 'remember how I' is incomplete; add 'felt' to complete the thought. Remove filler 'uh' and ensure verb complements are present.

× It helps me take my mind off and it's like a meditation when I see a when I'm looking at the sea and uh, enjoy that calmness and beautiful views.

✓ It helps me take my mind off things, and it's like meditation when I look at the sea and enjoy its calmness and beautiful views.

Tense and phrasing: use a consistent present simple ('look' rather than 'I'm looking') for habitual actions. 'Take my mind off' needs an object ('things'). Remove filler 'uh' and correct 'a meditation' to 'meditation' for idiomatic usage. Use 'its calmness' to clearly refer to the sea.