Travelling— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and avoid fillers (uh, umm). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Replace vague phrases like "in this way" with precise descriptions.

예시: Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel by bus or car because it relaxes me after using my phone. For example, I enjoy watching changing landscapes and reading interesting signboards along the road, which helps me feel refreshed.

제안: Avoid repetition and unfinished sentences. Give one clear reason first, then add a specific example or purpose. Use linking words like "because" and "so" correctly and finish thoughts fully.

예시: Yes, I often take photos outside the car window because I want to capture beautiful moments to look back on later. For instance, I photographed a dramatic sunset on a recent trip and later shared it with friends on social media.

제안: Provide a complete, coherent response: a clear topic sentence followed by two specific supporting details connected with linking words. Remove fragmented repeats and finish lists fully.

예시: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy hiking and exploring remote trails. Moreover, the fresh air and dense forests make the experience peaceful, and I find the scenery more interesting than the sea.

× Yes, I look out the window at the scenery while traveling by bus or car because it gives me a sense of relief, uh, whenever I get tired by using my phone and scrolling.

✓ Yes, I look out the window at the scenery while traveling by bus or car because it gives me a sense of relief whenever I get tired of using my phone and scrolling.

The original sentence used the phrase 'tired by using my phone' which is unnatural in present-tense context; the correct verb-preposition combination is 'tired of' to indicate annoyance or weariness. Remove filler words like 'uh' for clarity. Use present simple 'look' and 'gives' consistently for habitual actions.

× So I look out the window and enjoy the view and umm, also look at some signs, sign boards in this way.

✓ So I look out the window, enjoy the view, and also look at signboards along the way.

The original sentence has redundant conjunctions and fillers ('umm') and an awkward phrase 'sign boards in this way.' Combine coordinated verbs with commas and use the idiomatic expression 'along the way.' Remove fillers for fluency.

× Yes, I take photos of the scenery outside the car window because I like to capture the moments which look great and I want to.

✓ Yes, I take photos of the scenery outside the car window because I like to capture moments that look great and keep them.

The phrase 'capture the moments which look great and I want to' is incomplete and repetitive. Use 'that' for defining clauses and complete the idea in present tense: 'capture moments that look great and keep them.' Maintain present simple for habitual actions.

× I want to keep them stored in my phone for viewing later on or to share on social media.

✓ I want to store them on my phone to view later or to share on social media.

The original sentence is wordy and uses an awkward passive phrase 'keep them stored in my phone.' Use the more natural active verb 'store' and keep parallel infinitives 'to view' and 'to share.' Place preposition 'on' with 'phone.'

× So it gives me a sense of it gives.

✓ So it gives me a sense of satisfaction.

The original sentence repeats 'it gives' and ends incomplete. Replace the repetition with a specific noun like 'satisfaction' or 'comfort' to complete the thought and avoid redundancy.

× I prefer the mountains because I can go and hike and explore different places and get lost in mountains.

✓ I prefer the mountains because I can go hiking, explore different places, and get lost in the mountains.

Use the gerund 'go hiking' instead of 'go and hike' for natural English. Add the article 'the' before 'mountains' when referring to mountains in general in this context. Parallel structure improves fluency.

× I also like. I also like travelling through mountains and enjoying the trees, the fresh air and.

✓ I also like traveling through the mountains and enjoying the trees and the fresh air.

The original contains a sentence fragment 'I also like.' and an unfinished list ending with 'and.' Combine into one complete sentence, remove repetition, add 'the' before 'mountains' and complete the list with 'the fresh air.' Use consistent spelling 'traveling' (or 'travelling') depending on variety.