Walking— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the answer more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, fix grammar (prepositions, articles), and use linking words to add one specific detail. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "no pollution, no smoke").

예시: Yes, I walk a lot around my university. The campus is peaceful and green, so walking there helps me relax and enjoy fresh air, which I don't get at home.

제안: Directly answer the question with a clear past-tense topic sentence, correct grammar (use past tense consistently), and give one specific reason or short example. Avoid unclear phrases like "not a province girl" — say "I lived in the city."

예시: No, I didn't walk much as a child because I grew up in Manila, where streets were crowded and polluted. As a result, my parents preferred that I play indoors for safety and health reasons.

제안: Begin with a clear general statement, then give one specific supporting reason using linking words (e.g., "for example," "because"). Use natural phrasing like "clear their minds" and avoid awkward constructions.

예시: People like walking in parks because it helps them clear their minds. For example, the quiet, green surroundings make it easier to relax and reflect after a stressful day.

제안: Give a concise topic sentence naming the place, then provide one or two specific reasons. Correct grammar (singular/plural, verb forms) and avoid repeating phrases like "especially."

예시: I'd like to take a long walk in Shibuya, Japan. I want to experience the famous Shibuya Crossing and enjoy the lively atmosphere, interesting shops, and neat city design.

제안: Answer directly in past tense with one specific recent example and avoid repeating earlier points. Say when and where you walked and what you did (e.g., route, duration) to add detail.

예시: Recently I walked around my university campus; I jogged for about 30 minutes along the lake near my dormitory, which is inside the campus.

× Yes, I do walk a lot, especially when I am on my university because it gives peace knowing that there is no pollution, there is no smoke, it just I will see the green and the trees and smell nature.

✓ Yes, I walk a lot, especially when I am at my university, because it gives me peace knowing that there is less pollution and smoke; I can see the greenery and trees and smell nature.

The sentence uses unnecessary auxiliary 'do' with the simple present and has awkward phrasing for location and effects. Use simple present 'I walk' for routine actions. Use 'at my university' for being on the campus and 'gives me peace' to show the experiencer. Replace 'no pollution' with 'less pollution' for realism, and correct noun/adjective forms: 'the green' -> 'the greenery', 'smell nature' -> 'smell nature' (kept) and simplify clause structure. Suggestion: Use simple present for habitual actions, 'at' for location on campus, and concise parallel phrases.

× No because when I was a child I am not a province girl.

✓ No, because when I was a child I was not a provincial girl.

The sentence mixes past ('when I was a child') with present 'I am'. Maintain past tense consistency: use 'was'. Also use 'provincial' as the adjective meaning from the province rather than 'province'. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent within time references and use correct adjective forms.

× We live in the city which is into the Manila where all of the houses there is sub while there is a lot of pollution, smoke and bad environment unlike now that I'm in my university which gives me peace.

✓ We lived in the city, in Manila, where many houses are small and there was a lot of pollution and smoke, so the environment was unpleasant, unlike now when I'm at university, which gives me peace.

Tense inconsistency: student refers to past situation so use past tense ('lived', 'was'). Original has awkward relative clauses ('which is into the Manila') and ungrammatical subject-verb agreement ('houses there is sub'). Rephrase to clear clauses: 'in Manila', 'many houses are small', 'there was a lot of pollution', and contrast with present 'now when I'm at university'. Suggestion: Keep consistent past tense for childhood descriptions and simplify relative clauses.

× Because walking can clear our thoughts for having a bad day or weeks and gives us to reflect also to ourselves and to what are we thinking.

✓ Because walking can clear our thoughts when we have a bad day or bad weeks and helps us reflect on ourselves and on what we are thinking.

Use 'when we have' instead of 'for having' to express time; 'bad weeks' needs plural adjective agreement. 'Gives us to reflect' is incorrect; use 'helps us reflect' or 'allows us to reflect'. Word order 'what are we thinking' should be 'what we are thinking' in an indirect clause. Suggestion: Use verbs like 'help' or 'allow' with infinitive or direct object, and use indirect question word order.

× If I had the chance to take a long walk, I think it would be in Japan, especially in Shibuya because they are famous for having a long walk, especially their most known crosswalking, because they see a lot of establishment and how good the environment, especially the aesthetic. So if I will be given a chance, I think it is in another country.

✓ If I had the chance to take a long walk, I think it would be in Japan, especially Shibuya, because it is famous for its long crossings, like the famous scramble crossing; you can see many establishments and a pleasant, aesthetic environment. If I were given the chance, I would choose to walk in another country.

Mixed conditional and awkward pronouns: 'they are famous' should refer to Shibuya as 'it is famous'. 'Most known crosswalking' should be 'most famous scramble crossing' or 'scramble crossing'. 'They see a lot of establishment' should be 'you can see many establishments'. Final sentence mixes future and conditional: use 'If I were given the chance, I would...' to match the hypothetical conditional. Suggestion: Use consistent conditional forms (If I had... I would...), match singular/plural references, and use natural collocations ('scramble crossing', 'establishments').

× As what I have said earlier, my walking is based on my university because I live there.

✓ As I said earlier, my walking is based at my university because I live there.

'As what I have said earlier' is wordy and unidiomatic; use 'As I said earlier'. Use simple past or present depending on context; 'said' is fine. Use 'based at my university' for location. The present continuous/ present simple choice: 'I live there' is fine. Suggestion: Use concise reporting phrases ('As I said earlier') and correct preposition 'at' for location.

× My dormitory is located also inside of our university.

✓ My dormitory is also located on our university campus.

'Located inside of our university' is awkward; use 'on our university campus' or 'within our university'. 'Also' placement is smoother before 'located'. Suggestion: Use 'on campus' or 'within the university' for natural preposition use.

× So taking a walk as well as jogging is also based inside.

✓ So my walking and jogging also take place on campus.

Original is ungrammatical and unclear: 'is also based inside' lacks a clear subject and verb agreement. Use active structure: 'my walking and jogging take place on campus' or 'I also walk and jog on campus'. Suggestion: Use clear subjects and verbs and natural location phrasing ('on campus').