Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and fluent: avoid repetition and filler words, use a clear topic sentence followed by 1–2 specific details with linking words. Improve grammar (e.g., 'gives me inner peace' and 'helps me focus on my work').

예시: I enjoy writing poems, especially about love and loneliness. For example, I often write short free-verse pieces that help me find inner peace and concentrate better on my work.

제안: Remove hesitations and tighten structure: start with a direct topic sentence, then add a specific example and a linking phrase. Use past tense consistently (e.g., 'I attended many cultural dance programs at school').

예시: Yes. When I was a child I loved dancing. For instance, I attended many cultural dance programs at school, which helped me gain confidence and enjoy performing.

제안: Eliminate fillers and correct grammar: use present perfect for continuing actions ('I have sung since childhood'), give one specific activity and use linking words to connect ideas. Avoid awkward phrases like 'has maintained it yet.'

예시: Yes, I have sung since childhood. For example, I often sing at family gatherings and sing karaoke regularly, so singing remains an important part of my life.

제안: Be clearer and more grammatical: start with a direct statement, then contrast using linking words (e.g., 'However' or 'while'). Use correct plural/singular forms and give a brief reason or example to enrich the answer.

예시: Not really. I prefer creative hobbies like dancing, writing poems and singing, while my sisters enjoy cooking and painting. For example, I usually write poems in my free time, but they spend weekends trying new recipes.

× I am really interested in writing poems.

✓ I am really interested in writing poems.

No change needed. 'Interested in' correctly uses the present participle 'writing' after a preposition; sentence is grammatically correct.

× I really have a hobby of writing poems.

✓ I enjoy writing poems as a hobby.

The original is awkward and literal. Rephrase to 'enjoy writing poems as a hobby' for natural English and correct sentence structure.

× I love to write poems about uh, love stories and sadness and about loneliness also it really give me self peace and self time to be involved in work.

✓ I love to write poems about love stories, sadness, and loneliness; it really gives me peace and personal time to focus on my work.

Several issues: run-on sentence and punctuation missing. 'Give' should be 'gives' to agree with singular subject 'it' (subject-verb agreement, ID 27) and 'self peace' is unnatural; use 'peace' or 'personal peace'. Separate ideas with a semicolon or period and use commas in a list. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity.

× Uh, remembering my childhood, I was really, uh, fascinated in doing, uh, in dancing.

✓ Remembering my childhood, I was really fascinated by dancing.

Use 'fascinated by' instead of 'fascinated in doing', and remove unnecessary 'in' and fillers. The past tense 'was' is appropriate.

× I really love to dance and I also attend so many, uh, cultural dance programs which happened in my schools.

✓ I really loved to dance, and I attended many cultural dance programs that took place at my schools.

Tense consistency: when referring to childhood, use past tense 'loved' and 'attended'. 'Which happened in my schools' is unidiomatic; use 'that took place at my schools' or 'at my school'. Remove filler 'uh'.

× I was really interested in dancing that time.

✓ I was really interested in dancing at that time.

Add the preposition 'at' for the time expression 'at that time'. Past tense 'was' is correct.

× Uh, I would say that I have maintained a habit of uh, singing since my childhood to till now.

✓ I would say that I have maintained the habit of singing from my childhood until now.

Use 'the habit of singing' and 'from... until now' for correct time expression. Remove filler 'uh' and duplicate 'to till'.

× I was interested in singing and I was also doing so many karaoke things and I'm still doing that.

✓ I was interested in singing and I did many karaoke performances, and I'm still doing them.

'Doing so many karaoke things' is informal and unclear; use 'did many karaoke performances'. Maintain tense consistency and plural pronoun 'them' to refer to performances.

× So I have never forget about singing and has maintained it yet.

✓ So I have never forgotten singing and have maintained it.

Use present perfect 'have never forgotten' with past participle 'forgotten'. 'Has maintained it yet' is incorrect: use 'have maintained it' for subject 'I' and avoid 'yet' here or place appropriately ('I have not forgotten singing yet' if meaning differs).

× I am totally different from my family member.

✓ I am totally different from my family members.

Use plural 'members' because 'family' usually implies more than one person; 'member' singular is incorrect in this context.

× I would say I am involved or I am interested in dancing and writing poems and singing type of things.

✓ I would say I am involved in and interested in dancing, writing poems, and singing.

Clean up phrasing: use parallel structure 'involved in and interested in' and list items with commas. Remove 'type of things' which is vague.

× But my family members including my sisters is interested in cooking or drawing and paintings but I am not like them.

✓ But my family members, including my sisters, are interested in cooking, drawing, and painting, but I am not like them.

Use plural verb 'are' to agree with plural subject 'family members'. Use commas around 'including my sisters'. Use parallel noun forms 'drawing and painting' (not 'paintings') and commas in a list.