Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and unfinished phrases. Also use more precise vocabulary (e.g., "I enjoy reading novels and non-fiction"), and finish sentences fully.

예시: I enjoy reading in my free time. For example, I often read contemporary novels and biographies, which help me relax and also expand my knowledge about other people’s lives. As a result, I often feel calmer and more informed after reading.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence, complete your explanation and use linking words to show contrast (e.g., "however"). Avoid filler sounds (umm) and finish thoughts. Give a specific reason why you stopped drawing (lack of time, interest, practice).

예시: As a child, I loved drawing anime characters because I watched many animes and found the designs inspiring. However, I don't draw much now because I have less free time and my interests have shifted to other activities like coding.

제안: Give a confident topic sentence and provide clear, specific supporting details with linking words (e.g., "since then", "for example"). Reduce hesitations and complete sentences. Explain what you do now with coding and give one example of a project or skill.

예시: Yes, I have been interested in coding since childhood. Since then, I have learned HTML, CSS and some JavaScript, and I still build simple websites as a hobby. For example, I recently created a personal portfolio site to showcase my projects.

제안: Answer directly and give specific comparison using linking words (e.g., "Yes, we both enjoy..."). Avoid fillers and incomplete sentences. Explain how your reading tastes are similar or different and give one example of a recent book or shared activity.

예시: Yes, my sister and I both enjoy reading. For instance, we often exchange novels and discuss characters, although she prefers non-fiction while I usually read fiction. This shared interest brings us closer and gives us topics to talk about.

× Yes I do.

✓ Yes, I do.

Missing comma after introductory response. This is punctuation rather than tense but keep present tense. Add a comma to improve natural spoken writing and clarity.

× Sometimes when I read I feel relaxed and calm so I keep on chasing this feeling.

✓ Sometimes when I read, I feel relaxed and calm, so I keep chasing this feeling.

'Keep on chasing' is acceptable colloquially, but 'keep chasing' is more natural and concise. Also add commas after dependent clauses for clarity.

× I love it and moreover I broaden my knowledge as well when reading like for example I get to know more information about other people's life, other.

✓ I love it, and moreover I broaden my knowledge when reading; for example, I learn more about other people's lives.

Run-on sentence and awkward phrasing. Replace 'get to know more information about' with 'learn more about' and use plural 'lives'. Remove redundant words ('as well', 'like'). Add punctuation to separate ideas.

× When I was a child I loved to draw anime characters because I watch a lot of animes and cartoons and I got inspired by umm those characters umm.

✓ When I was a child I loved to draw anime characters because I watched a lot of anime and cartoons and I was inspired by those characters.

Tense inconsistency: talking about past habits should use past tense 'watched' and 'was inspired'. 'Anime' is uncountable so not 'animes'.

× But drawing has become umm, something that I don't really enjoy now because I don't have.

✓ But drawing has become something I don't really enjoy now because I don't have time.

Sentence is incomplete ('I don't have' needs an object). Add likely object 'time' to complete meaning. Keep present perfect 'has become' and present 'don't enjoy' consistent.

× MMM, maybe coding if you still count.

✓ Maybe coding, if you still count it.

Add object 'it' after 'count' for grammatical completeness and natural phrasing. Maintain present meaning.

× So ever since I was a child, I love computer.

✓ So ever since I was a child, I have loved computers.

When describing a state from past to present, use present perfect 'have loved'. Also use plural 'computers' or 'computing' and add article if singular ('the computer').

× I love the idea of creating like a software like website, umm, to build as a service.

✓ I love the idea of creating software or websites, for example building a service.

Awkward phrasing and repetition of 'like'. Use clearer nouns 'software or websites' and rephrase 'to build as a service' to 'building a service'.

× And these days I still have umm, you know, I still spend some time umm having doing.

✓ And these days I still spend some time coding.

Original is fragmented and unfinished. Replace with concise, complete sentence stating the activity 'coding'.

× Umm, maybe, umm, reading books.

✓ Maybe reading books.

Reduce hesitation fillers and commas; produce concise answer fragment. 'Reading books' is fine as a hobby.

× My sister and I, we have a lot of uh, we've done a lot of things together.

✓ My sister and I have done a lot of things together.

Redundant subject 'we' after 'My sister and I' creates duplication. Remove extra pronoun and filler words.

× My sister loves reading book because she, she love expanding.

✓ My sister loves reading books because she loves expanding her knowledge.

'Reading book' should be plural 'reading books'. 'She love' should be 'she loves' (third person singular). Also complete the idea: 'expanding her knowledge' clarifies meaning.