Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the response more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, combine related hobbies, fix small grammar errors, and use linking words to connect reasons. Avoid repetition of "enjoy" and correct "an another" to "another."

예시: I enjoy a few creative hobbies, such as crafting, painting and baking, and I also like working out. I do the exercises because they help me burn off energy and improve my overall health, so I find them both practical and enjoyable.

제안: Keep the answer direct and avoid repeating "I remember." Use a topic sentence then give one specific example with a linking phrase to make it concise and vivid.

예시: Yes, I did. As a child I loved drawing and colouring; for example, I often spent afternoons filling pages with detailed scenes using coloured pencils and markers, which helped me develop patience and creativity.

제안: Good direct answer and clear reason. To be stronger, make it more concise, add a linking word, and give a brief specific example of what you create to show the hobby's continuity.

예시: Yes — colouring has been a lifelong hobby. Even now, I find it relaxing to sit with my pencils and sketchbooks; for instance, I often colour intricate floral patterns that I then display or give as gifts.

제안: Answer is clear but a bit wordy and has small repetition. Start with a concise topic sentence, then contrast using a linking word (e.g., "however"), and give one specific example of a family hobby and one of your activities.

예시: No, we differ. For example, my brothers enjoy outdoor activities like fishing, whereas I prefer creative pursuits such as detailed crafting and making decorative items, which suits my personality better.

× Working out is an another hobby I enjoy.

✓ Working out is another hobby I enjoy.

The article 'an' is incorrect before 'another' because 'another' already includes the indefinite article meaning 'one more'. Using 'an another' is redundant and ungrammatical. Remove 'an' to form 'another'. Suggestion: Use 'another' alone when meaning 'one more' (e.g., 'Working out is another hobby I enjoy.').

× I enjoy it because it helps me to use up my energy and also benefits my health so it's something I really enjoy doing.

✓ I enjoy it because it helps me use up my energy and also benefits my health, so it's something I really enjoy doing.

The infinitive 'helps me to use up' is acceptable but more natural is 'helps me use up'; dropping 'to' after 'help' is common in English. Also the sentence needs a comma before 'so' to link the two independent clauses. Suggestion: Remove 'to' after 'helps me' and add a comma before 'so' for clarity and natural flow.

× I remember spending most of my afternoons sitting with all of my colours and markers and colouring in the most beautifully detailed pictures.

✓ I remember spending most of my afternoons sitting with all my colours and markers and colouring in beautifully detailed pictures.

The phrase 'the most beautifully detailed pictures' implies a superlative and is unnecessary; 'beautifully detailed pictures' is more natural. Also 'all of my colours' is correct but 'all my colours' is more idiomatic. Suggestion: Remove 'the most' to avoid incorrect or awkward quantifier/superlative use.

× ...I've always enjoyed crafting and paying attention to detail and creating beautiful pieces in whatever I'm doing.

✓ ...I've always enjoyed crafting, paying attention to detail, and creating beautiful pieces in whatever I'm doing.

The original sentence is grammatically acceptable but needs parallel structure and comma separation for clarity: use commas to separate the list 'crafting, paying..., and creating...'. Suggestion: Ensure parallel gerunds and use commas for readability.

× ...whereas I am more of a creative soul in the family and I've always enjoyed crafting and paying attention to detail and creating beautiful pieces in whatever I'm doing.

✓ ...whereas I am more of a creative soul in the family, and I've always enjoyed crafting, paying attention to detail, and creating beautiful pieces in whatever I do.

Change 'in whatever I'm doing' to 'in whatever I do' for a more natural, timeless statement matching present habitual meaning. Also add commas to separate clauses and items in the list. Suggestion: Use 'whatever I do' for habitual actions and ensure parallel structure.