Hobby— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the response more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid slightly awkward phrasing (e.g. “do follow”) and unnecessary repetition.

예시: Yes. I keep a gratitude journal in my free time. For example, every night I write three things I’m grateful for, which helps me manage stress and understand my feelings better.

제안: Avoid fillers and uncertainty. Start with a clear statement and then give a specific supporting fact. Use linking words (e.g. “however,” “actually,” “for example”) and reduce hesitation words like “uh” or “umm.”

예시: I don’t remember much, but my mother says I loved dancing and singing as a child. For example, I used to take part in several school competitions when I was young.

제안: Be more concise and avoid awkward phrasing. Provide a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific details about how you pursue the hobby now, using linking words to connect ideas.

예시: Yes, I have continued dancing and singing since childhood. Nowadays, I practice weekly with a local group and record myself at home to improve my technique and express my emotions through performance.

제안: Make the answer clearer and more natural. Begin with a direct statement, then explain briefly how your hobbies differ from your family’s, using a linking word like “however” or “but.” Avoid redundancy (e.g. “different than the unique person”).

예시: No, my interests are different from my family’s. While my family members prefer quieter pastimes like reading, I enjoy dancing and singing, so I often practice on my own or with friends.

× Yes, I do follow gratitude journaling in my free time and I feel that it helped me calm down my emotions and understand myself very well.

✓ Yes, I keep a gratitude journal in my free time and I feel that it helps me calm my emotions and understand myself better.

Original uses 'do follow gratitude journaling' which is unnatural; 'keep a gratitude journal' or 'practice gratitude journaling' is correct. Also tense mismatch: 'helped' (past) conflicts with present habit; use present 'helps'. 'Calm down my emotions' is awkward; use 'calm my emotions'. Use 'better' instead of 'very well' for natural phrasing.

× Umm, I don't know because when I was a child, I don't clearly remember that time, but uh, my mother told me that, uh, I loved dancing and singing because I had participated in many competitions when I was in my school.

✓ Umm, I don't know because when I was a child, I don't clearly remember that time, but my mother told me that I loved dancing and singing because I participated in many competitions when I was at school.

Use simple past 'participated' rather than past perfect 'had participated' because events are being narrated in sequence and there is no earlier past to refer to. Remove filler words and repeated 'uh'. Use 'at school' for natural phrasing. Keep 'loved' in past to match childhood context.

× Yes, there is one hobby that I had acquired since my childhood. I love dancing and singing.

✓ Yes, there is one hobby that I acquired in my childhood: I love dancing and singing.

'There is one hobby that I had acquired since my childhood' mixes 'there is' (present) with past perfect 'had acquired' and 'since' which implies continuity. Use simple past 'acquired' with 'in my childhood' or present perfect 'I have had since my childhood'. Also rephrase for clarity and naturalness.

× By the time now as I'm a teenager, I do follow that hobby.

✓ Now that I'm a teenager, I continue that hobby.

'By the time now as I'm a teenager' is ungrammatical and wordy. Use 'Now that I'm a teenager' to indicate current time. 'Do follow that hobby' is awkward; 'continue that hobby' or 'still follow that hobby' is more natural.

× In my meantime, I love to express myself through moments and just sing some music.

✓ In my free time, I love to express myself through dance and just sing songs.

'In my meantime' is incorrect; use 'in my free time'. 'Express myself through moments' is unclear; likely 'express myself through dance'. 'Sing some music' is unidiomatic; use 'sing songs'. Adjust words for natural collocations.

× No, I believe I'm quite different than the unique person in my family.

✓ No, I believe I'm quite different from other people in my family.

'Different than the unique person in my family' is incorrect and confusing. Use 'different from' (preferred preposition) and 'other people in my family' to convey contrast. 'Unique person' is unnecessary and odd here.

× In my family no one particularly follow doing dancing or singing, but I love to dance and sing, which is quite different from my family.

✓ In my family, no one particularly follows dancing or singing, but I love to dance and sing, which is quite different from the rest of my family.

Subject 'no one' is singular, so the verb should be 'follows' not 'follow'. 'Follow doing dancing' is ungrammatical; use 'follows dancing or singing' or 'pursues dancing or singing'. 'Different from the rest of my family' is a clearer phrase.