Shoes— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and avoid repetition and filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details (frequency and preferred types). Correct small errors (e.g., "any girl in the world" not "board") and keep answers under five sentences. Use linking words like “usually” and “also” to connect ideas.

예시: Yes, I love buying shoes. Usually I buy a new pair about every three months because I enjoy updating my wardrobe. I mostly buy sandals for casual wear and sometimes sneakers for exercise.

제안: Good response with clear reasons. Reduce redundancy by combining similar points and avoid repeating the same idea. Use a linking word to structure reasons (e.g., “because” then “so”). Keep it to two or three sentences and include a brief specific example (site or brand) if possible.

예시: Yes, I prefer to buy shoes online because there is a much wider variety and I can compare styles and prices quickly. For example, I often use an online retailer to find both casual sandals and running shoes that local shops don’t stock.

제안: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence about variation, then give two concise numeric estimates using linking words (e.g., “for example” or “whereas”). Remove hesitations and be consistent with currency format. Try to summarize total yearly spending if possible.

예시: My spending varies depending on the type of shoes. For example, I might spend about $1,000–1,500 a year on dress or designer shoes, whereas I usually spend $500–600 annually on work and gym shoes.

제안: Good structure and relevant reasoning. Make the answer more fluent by removing fillers and tightening phrasing. Use linking words like “if” and “while” to contrast preferences, and give one brief specific example of an event for each choice.

예시: It depends on the occasion. If I’m attending a formal event, I prefer fashionable shoes such as dress heels, while for work or exercise I choose comfortable sneakers or running shoes.

× I think any girl in the board loves to buy shoes and I usually buy every three months a new pair of shoes.

✓ I think any girl on the board loves to buy shoes, and I usually buy a new pair of shoes every three months.

The preposition 'in' is incorrect with 'the board'; 'on the board' or better 'on the team/board' is typical depending on context. Also, word order for frequency and object is incorrect: English places the time/frequency phrase after the object or at sentence end, so 'buy a new pair of shoes every three months' is correct. Suggestion: choose the correct preposition for the intended meaning (e.g., 'on the board' or 'in the office') and place time expressions after the object.

× I like to I like to buy sandals, umm and sometime also sneakers.

✓ I like to buy sandals, umm and sometimes also sneakers.

The error includes repetition and the adverb 'sometimes' should be used rather than 'sometime'. 'Sometime' (one word) means 'at an unspecified time' while 'sometimes' (with s) means 'occasionally' which fits here. Also remove the duplicate phrase 'I like to'. Suggestion: use 'sometimes' for habitual occasional actions and avoid repeated fragments.

× I actually prefer to buy shoes online because there is more variety available and I don't have to physically go to multiple stores to check.

✓ I actually prefer to buy shoes online because there is more variety available and I don't have to physically go to multiple stores to check them.

The sentence omits an object for 'check'. Adding 'them' (a pronoun referring to shoes/options) is necessary. This is more an omission leading to prepositional/verb complementation issue. Suggestion: include the object or pronoun after verbs like 'check' when needed.

× I prefer to buy online than in person.

✓ I prefer to buy online rather than in person.

Comparison between alternatives uses 'rather than' or 'prefer X to Y'. 'Prefer to buy online than in person' is ungrammatical. Use 'prefer buying online to buying in person' or 'prefer to buy online rather than in person.' Suggestion: use 'rather than' after 'prefer' when contrasting infinitive phrases.

× Umm, it actually varies depending on if I'm buying fancy shoes or if I'm buying shoes just for my work or my gym, uh, or from my gym.

✓ Umm, it actually varies depending on whether I'm buying fancy shoes or shoes just for work or the gym.

Use 'whether' instead of 'if' for two alternatives in formal speech. 'My work' and 'my gym' are redundant; 'work' and 'the gym' are more natural. Also remove 'or from my gym' which is confusing. Suggestion: use 'whether' for choices and simplify noun phrases (e.g., 'work' not 'my work').

× Umm, if I'm buying fancy shoes, I would say in a year I would spend about 1000 to $1500.

✓ Umm, if I'm buying fancy shoes, I would say in a year I spend about $1,000 to $1,500.

Mixing conditional 'if' with 'would' twice is awkward. For habitual estimates use present simple 'I spend' or 'I would spend' consistently in conditional context. Also format numbers with $ before both and thousands comma. Suggestion: say 'I spend about $1,000 to $1,500 a year' or 'I would spend about $1,000 to $1,500 a year' depending on nuance.

× If I'm buying just shoes for my work or gym, then I'll spend like 500 to $600.00 per year.

✓ If I'm buying just shoes for work or the gym, then I'll spend about $500 to $600 per year.

Consistency with currency symbol and formatting: put $ before both amounts and use 'about' rather than 'like' in more formal speech. Also 'my work' is better as 'work' and include 'the' for 'the gym.' Suggestion: write '$500 to $600' and use 'about' for approximate amounts.

× I believe it totally depends on the event.

✓ I believe it totally depends on the event.

Sentence is acceptable but 'totally' is informal; 'largely' or 'mainly' could be used for formality. No grammatical change required. Suggestion: replace 'totally' with 'largely' for more formal style if desired.

× If I'm going somewhere which is a place that require formal, uh, formal wear, I would like to wear fashionable sandals or shoes.

✓ If I'm going somewhere that requires formal attire, I would like to wear fashionable sandals or shoes.

Multiple issues: use 'that requires' (subject-verb agreement and correct relative clause) and 'formal attire' is the correct collocation, not 'require formal'. 'Requires' is needed because 'a place' (singular) requires -> but better to omit 'a place'. Suggestion: use 'somewhere that requires formal attire' and ensure subject-verb agreement: 'requires'.

× If I am just going to my work or in a more athletic setting than ever, prefer to wear, umm, sneakers or runners.

✓ If I am just going to work or to a more athletic setting, I prefer to wear, umm, sneakers or running shoes.

Original lacks a subject before 'prefer' and has awkward phrase 'than ever'. Need 'I prefer' for subject-verb clarity. Use 'running shoes' instead of 'runners' for clarity; include 'to' before 'a more athletic setting'. Suggestion: always include the subject before the verb and structure the prepositional phrase correctly: 'going to work' or 'to a more athletic setting'.