Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the answer more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence naming the town and its location, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (articles, prepositions, plural/singular) and avoid redundancy.

예시: My hometown is Rescue, a small city in eastern Kazakhstan. It is surrounded by mountains and rivers, so it is much quieter than big cities like Asna or Amato and is a peaceful place for people and visitors to relax.

제안: Answer with a clear topic sentence stating what you like, then give two specific examples and link them logically. Use correct vocabulary (e.g. 'famous for', 'natural scenery', 'mountains and rivers', 'industry') and avoid fragmented sentences.

예시: I like the contrast in my hometown: it is famous for its beautiful natural scenery, with countless mountains and rivers. At the same time, it has strong industrial development, especially in metallurgy and energy, so I appreciate the balance between nature and industry.

제안: Begin with a direct answer about duration, then give one or two specific supporting details about memories or feelings using clear grammar and linking words. Fix tenses and phrasing (e.g. 'all my life', 'gives me many memories'). Keep it concise.

예시: I've lived in Oskimin all my life, so I know the city very well. Because of that, it gives me many fond memories with friends and family, and even if I move away for university, I will always feel that it is my home.

제안: Start with a clear stance (e.g. ‘It depends’), then explain with two specific points using linking words: one positive (job opportunities in industry) and one negative (limited healthcare). Correct grammar and use precise vocabulary (e.g. 'job opportunities', 'healthcare services').

예시: It depends. On the positive side, young people interested in engineering can find good job opportunities because the town is strong in metallurgy and energy. However, healthcare services are limited, which can be a drawback for some families.

× My hometown is Rescue which is located in the eastern part of the Kazakhstan also which is surrounded by mountains and rivers.

✓ My hometown is Rescue, which is located in the eastern part of Kazakhstan and is surrounded by mountains and rivers.

Do not use the definite article 'the' before country names like Kazakhstan. Also connect clauses with 'and' and use a comma before the relative clause 'which'. Replace the second 'which' with 'and is' for correct sentence structure and clarity.

× My city is not just a busy city like Asna and Amato, so it's a peaceful place for visitors, people to live here and just enjoy of their life.

✓ My city is not a busy place like Asna and Amato; instead, it's a peaceful place for visitors and for people to live and enjoy their lives.

Avoid awkward redundancy and incorrect preposition 'of' after 'enjoy'. Use 'instead' to contrast, add 'for' before both 'visitors' and 'people', and pluralize 'life' to 'lives'. Use a semicolon or period to separate contrasting ideas.

× I'd say that Uskimian is famous by their beautiful natural tannery which is shown by uncount mountains rivers.

✓ I'd say that Uskimian is famous for its beautiful natural scenery, which is shown by countless mountains and rivers.

Use 'famous for' not 'famous by', use possessive 'its' for the place, 'tannery' is wrong word here—use 'scenery', and 'uncount' is incorrect; use 'countless'. Also add missing conjunctions and articles for clarity.

× Also it's all famous pieces.

✓ Also, it has many famous landmarks.

Original phrase is unclear and uses incorrect words. Use 'has' plus a noun phrase such as 'many famous landmarks' to express the idea. Add a comma after 'Also'.

× Industrial development, especially in the sphere like metallurgy and energy.

✓ There is industrial development, especially in sectors such as metallurgy and energy.

This fragment lacks a clear verb and subject. Use 'There is' to introduce existence and 'sectors such as' for correct collocation.

× So the balance of nature and the industrial.

✓ So there is a balance between nature and industry.

Original is a fragment and uses noun forms awkwardly. Use 'there is' and 'between' with parallel nouns 'nature and industry' to form a complete sentence.

× I've lived here in Oskimin for entire my life so I know the city quite well.

✓ I've lived here in Oskimin for my entire life, so I know the city quite well.

Word order: 'my entire life' is the correct phrase. Keep present perfect 'I've lived' for an action continuing to present; add a comma before 'so'.

× As a result, this city give me account memories with my friends and family and even if one day I will move away because of the university, this city would give me the feeling of home and I would love.

✓ As a result, this city gives me many memorable moments with my friends and family, and even if one day I move away for university, the city will still give me a feeling of home, and I will miss it.

Use 'gives' to agree with singular subject 'this city'. Replace 'account memories' with 'many memorable moments'. Use simple future 'move' in the 'if' clause for a real future condition, and 'will still give' for future consequence. 'I would love' is vague; use 'I will miss it' to express emotion.

× Actually, it depends on the field and that new generation wants to improve.

✓ Actually, it depends on the field and what the new generation wants to improve.

Use 'what' to introduce the object of 'wants', and adjust word order: 'the new generation' is correct. The verb 'wants' agrees with 'generation'.

× If it's talk about the industrial perspective from this side, it would be great opportunities to develop because the Erskine famous for its industrial advancement in metallurgy and energy.

✓ If we talk about the industrial perspective of this area, there would be great opportunities for development because Erskine is famous for its industrial advances in metallurgy and energy.

Use 'If we talk about' or 'If it is about' for correct clause, 'there would be' to introduce opportunities, 'for development' is correct collocation, and include the verb 'is' after 'Erskine'. Also use 'advances' not 'advancement' for natural phrasing.

× However, we have a problem with healthcare.

✓ However, we have problems with healthcare.

'A problem' is grammatically acceptable, but 'problems with healthcare' better matches the plural nature of systemic issues. Also could specify 'with the healthcare system' for clarity.