Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, accurate and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the hometown, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and grammatical errors (use 'I come from' or 'I'm from', 'made up of', 'merchants'). Use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: I'm from a city in eastern Nigeria called [City Name]. It combines riverine areas and urban neighborhoods, so many people are fishermen, farmers or small-scale merchants. Because of this mix, the community is known for its hospitality and strong trading traditions.

제안: Begin with a clear topic sentence stating what you like, then add two specific reasons with linking words (for example, 'first' and 'second'). Remove filler words like 'umm' and avoid repeating phrases. Clarify terms (e.g. 'good roads' instead of 'Goods Rd.').

예시: I like the friendly atmosphere and strong family ties in my hometown. First, good road networks make it easy for farmers to transport their goods to the city. Second, people are very welcoming, which makes newcomers feel at home.

제안: Give a direct, concise answer about the duration, then add one or two clear supporting details. Correct grammar (use 'lived' vs 'studied', 'higher institutions'). Avoid unclear phrases and redundancy.

예시: I've lived there since I was a child and I also attended university in the same area. The town has several schools and colleges, so it was convenient for my education and allowed me to keep close friendships.

제안: Start with a clear statement, then provide specific reasons with linking words (e.g. 'first', 'also'). Reduce repetition and improve grammar (e.g. 'well-mannered', 'respectful'). Give concrete examples of opportunities for young people (education, community programs) if possible.

예시: Yes, it's a good place for young people. Firstly, strong cultural values and family guidance help young people develop respect and good manners. Also, local schools and youth programs support personal growth, so many young people leave well prepared for work or further study.

× I came from the eastern part of Nigeria.

✓ I come from the eastern part of Nigeria.

The student is answering a present-fact question about hometown; using past tense 'came' incorrectly implies a completed action. Use simple present 'come' to state where you are from. Suggestion: Use simple present to describe permanent facts (I come from...).

× It is a city that is made-up of boats, urban and rural community and we are well known for our hospitality.

✓ It is a city made up of boats and a mix of urban and rural communities, and we are well known for our hospitality.

Errors: unnecessary hyphen in 'made-up', wrong coordination and singular/plural mismatch ('community' should be 'communities'), and missing articles/conjunctions. Suggestion: Use 'made up of' without hyphen, maintain parallel structure and correct plural forms. Grammar problem type ID:13.

× We have a very large number of people living in there and mostly they are farmers and merchandise they trade.

✓ We have a very large population living there; most of them are farmers and traders who sell goods.

Problems: 'living in there' incorrect preposition and word order; 'merchandise they trade' is ungrammatical and uses wrong noun form. Use 'population' or 'people living there', 'most of them', and 'traders who sell goods'. Grammar problem type ID:1.

× I love umm, the friendly atmosphere and good family ties that we have and most people are able to transport their goods to the urban environment because of the Goods Rd. network we have.

✓ I love the friendly atmosphere and strong family ties we have, and most people can transport their goods to urban areas because of the Good Roads network.

Issues: filler 'umm' should be omitted; 'good family ties' can be 'strong'; 'are able to' is wordy—use 'can'; 'urban environment' better as 'urban areas'; 'Goods Rd.' unclear—use 'Good Roads'. Also pronoun consistency improved. Grammar problem type ID:12.

× And secondly, people, people in my home country are welcoming they have.

✓ Secondly, people in my home country are welcoming.

The sentence is repetitive and ends with an incomplete clause 'they have.' Remove redundancy and the unfinished phrase to form a complete sentence. Grammar problem type ID:26.

× I've lived in my home country since I was a child and I lived I scored there when for my higher insta institution as well in my home country because we have more than schools and higher educational facilities as well.

✓ I've lived in my home country since I was a child, and I studied there for higher education because we have many schools and higher educational facilities.

Problems: repetition 'I lived I scored'; 'scored' is wrong verb; 'insta institution' unclear—use 'higher education' or 'tertiary institutions'; 'more than schools' should be 'many schools'. Use present perfect 'I've lived' correctly with 'since'. Grammar problem type ID:5.

× They love my home country because it's a very conducive environment for me. Friendly all my friends also.

✓ I love my home country because it is a very conducive environment for me. My friends are friendly too.

'They love' is inconsistent with speaker perspective; likely speaker means 'I love'. 'Friendly all my friends also' is ungrammatical—reorder to 'My friends are friendly too.' Grammar problem type ID:12.

× Yes, it's a good place for young people because we are cultured, we are well mannered.

✓ Yes, it's a good place for young people because we are cultured and well-mannered.

Combine clauses and hyphenate 'well-mannered'. Maintain parallel structure with 'cultured and well-mannered.' Grammar problem type ID:27.

× People are being trained in a way that when they grow up, they become somebody they are respectful.

✓ People are raised and taught so that when they grow up they become respectable members of society.

'Being trained' is awkward here; 'become somebody they are respectful' is ungrammatical. Use 'raised and taught' and 'become respectable members of society.' Grammar problem type ID:8.

× We may we we respect our culture so much that when you see someone who was trained in my home country will always, they're always exempted from the crowd because they're well groomed.

✓ We respect our culture so much that someone educated in my home country will always stand out from the crowd because they are well groomed.

Remove repeated words 'we may we we'; fix conditional structure and pronoun agreement: 'someone... will always stand out' and use singular 'someone' with singular 'they' (acceptable) or 'he or she'. 'Exempted from the crowd' is awkward—use 'stand out'. Grammar problem type ID:12.