Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid small grammar errors and redundancy. Use correct article/noun agreement and compress similar ideas into one concise sentence. Add one specific detail to make it more informative.

예시: My hometown is Davao City, one of the largest cities in the Philippines and well known for its safety and orderly streets.

제안: Good structure with supporting detail and an example. Improve coherence by using linking words and avoid starting sentences with coordinating conjunctions. Slightly vary vocabulary and be concise.

예시: I like Davao’s peaceful atmosphere; for instance, I can walk alone at night without worrying about my safety, and despite being a large city, it is surrounded by numerous parks and green spaces.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence then add one or two concise supporting details. Avoid repeating ideas ('I have lived here all my life' and 'I was born and raised' are redundant). Use varied phrasing instead of repeating 'really'.

예시: I have lived in Davao City my whole life—over 40 years—so I know the neighborhoods well and often visit the local parks and markets.

제안: Avoid repetition and long run-on sentences. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific reasons with linking words. Correct small grammar mistakes (e.g., 'plenty of part-time jobs', 'good public transport').

예시: Yes, definitely. Firstly, being a major city, Davao offers strong career prospects and plenty of part-time jobs; secondly, it has many cafes, sports centers and reliable public transport where young people can socialize and pursue hobbies.

× It is one of the largest city in the Philippines.

✓ It is one of the largest cities in the Philippines.

'One of the' must be followed by a plural noun. 'City' should be pluralized to 'cities' to agree with 'one of the'. Suggestion: Use plural nouns after 'one of the' (e.g., 'one of the biggest cities').

× It is known for its peace and order.

✓ It is known for its peace and orderliness.

The phrase 'peace and order' is acceptable, but 'order' alone can be ambiguous; 'orderliness' is a more natural abstract noun matching 'peace'. Suggestion: Use parallel abstract nouns for clarity: 'peace and orderliness' or keep 'peace and order' if idiomatic in context.

× What I like about my hometown is the peace and tranquility.

✓ What I like about my hometown is its peace and tranquility.

Adding the possessive 'its' makes the sentence clearer and ties the qualities directly to the hometown. Suggestion: Use possessive determiners when describing attributes of a noun.

× For example, I can walk alone at night without worrying about my safety.

✓ For example, I can walk alone at night without worrying about my safety.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Included here to indicate checked sentence. Suggestion: Sentence is fine; maintain clear subject and verb.

× And also, although it's a big city, it is surrounded with a lot of parks and nature.

✓ And also, although it's a big city, it is surrounded by a lot of parks and natural areas.

Use 'surrounded by' not 'surrounded with'. Also 'nature' is vague; 'natural areas' or 'green spaces' is more natural. Suggestion: Use 'surrounded by' for surrounding agents and choose a countable/plural noun like 'natural areas' or 'parks'.

× I have lived here all my life.

✓ I have lived here all my life.

Sentence is correct for present perfect continuous meaning; no change needed. Included to confirm tense usage. Suggestion: Keep present perfect for life-long residence; optional alternative: 'I've lived here all my life.'

× I was born and raised in this city and I've been here for more than 40 years.

✓ I was born and raised in this city, and I've lived here for more than 40 years.

Mixing 'I've been here' is acceptable, but 'I've lived here' is more precise for residency duration following 'born and raised'. Use a comma before 'and' joining independent clauses. Suggestion: Use consistent verbs when describing past events and ongoing states; add comma for clarity.

× I really know the neighborhood as well, and I really enjoy visiting parks and markets nearby.

✓ I know the neighborhood well, and I enjoy visiting the nearby parks and markets.

Reduce redundancy by removing repeated 'really' and improve word order: 'know the neighborhood well' and 'nearby parks and markets' are more natural. Suggestion: Avoid repetition and place adverbs in conventional positions ('know... well', 'nearby parks').

× Absolutely, because our hometown is an excellent place for young people because it's in the city and it offers a lot of career opportunities and also it has a lot of facilities such as cafes, sports centers where young people can socialize and pursue their hobbies.

✓ Absolutely. Our hometown is an excellent place for young people because it's in the city, offers many career opportunities, and has facilities such as cafes and sports centers where young people can socialize and pursue their hobbies.

Avoid repeating 'because' and reduce redundancy ('and also it has a lot of'). Use commas to separate items and parallel structure: 'offers' and 'has'. Suggestion: Use concise sentences, parallel verbs in lists, and avoid repeated conjunctions.

× In addition, there are good public transport and plenty part time job opportunities.

✓ In addition, there is good public transport and plenty of part-time job opportunities.

'Public transport' is usually uncountable and takes singular verb 'is'. 'Plenty part time job' needs 'of' and hyphenation 'part-time'. Suggestion: Use 'is' with uncountable nouns, include 'of' after 'plenty', and hyphenate compound adjectives like 'part-time'.