Shopping— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar; start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and link supporting ideas smoothly. Correct subject-verb agreement and reduce redundant phrases (e.g., "hobby that I do not often take part in" → "a hobby I rarely do"). Use one or two specific examples and one linking phrase.

例: I don't shop very often; it's a hobby I rarely indulge in. However, I find shopping can be a good stress reliever after a busy week because buying something small can lift my mood. That said, I usually avoid it because it can be expensive and I try to save money.

提案: Organize the answer with a clear topic sentence and two concise supporting reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, remove fillers). Be specific about how price comparison helps (e.g., checking unit price, reading reviews). Avoid repeating words like "teaches you, teaches you".

例: Yes, I always compare prices because it helps me get better value for money. For example, I check unit prices and online reviews to ensure similar quality at a lower cost, and this habit also teaches young people how to budget responsibly.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and avoid hesitations and repetitions. Use linking words to structure reasons (e.g., "First," "Also"). Be more precise about what "value in the long run" means (durability, warranty, features). Keep to three to four short sentences.

例: No, I don't find shopping choices difficult because I usually choose the most affordable option. If I must decide between two items, I pick the one that is more cost-effective and durable. Also, I avoid rushing decisions so I can consider warranties and long-term value.

提案: Provide a clear opinion first, then two contrasting specific examples with linking words. Fix grammar and phrasing (e.g., "guarantee you with a longer insurance" → "often come with better warranties or features"). Conclude briefly. Avoid vague statements like "more quality."

例: Not always — it depends on the product. For example, with cars, pricier models often include better safety features and longer warranties, so higher cost can be justified. But for everyday items like kitchen utensils, cheaper brands may work just as well. Therefore, I look for quality and value rather than price alone.

× Well honestly, shopping for me is a hobby that I do not often take part in.

✓ Well, honestly, shopping is a hobby for me that I do not often take part in.

The original sentence has awkward word order; move 'for me' after 'hobby' for natural present-tense statement and clarity. Keep present simple because this is a general habit.

× Shopping can release dopamine which is a healthy chemical that will foster your happiness.

✓ Shopping can release dopamine, a chemical that promotes happiness.

'Healthy chemical' is unnatural; use 'a chemical that promotes happiness.' Also use present simple 'promotes' to state a general fact. Remove 'will' which is unnecessary and changes tone to future.

× And positive emotions.

✓ It can also create positive emotions.

Original is a fragment lacking a verb. Combine with previous sentence or turn into a complete sentence using present simple 'can create' to express a general effect.

× But in general I think that shopping are is quite an expensive habit from hobby for me, so I do not do it much.

✓ But in general I think that shopping is quite an expensive hobby for me, so I do not do it much.

Use singular verb 'is' to agree with singular noun 'shopping' considered as an activity. Remove redundant words 'are' and 'habit from' and replace with 'hobby' for correct noun choice and clear meaning.

× Well, I personally think that putting prices and evaluating them next to each other while shopping is a great habit because not only that it helps to save extra costs, cuts that you would not like to cover and give you the same quality of a product, but it also teach you, teaches you about how to save money efficiently and overall it is.

✓ I personally think that comparing prices while shopping is a great habit because not only does it help you save money and avoid unnecessary costs while getting similar product quality, but it also teaches you how to save money efficiently.

Use 'comparing prices' (present participle) as the natural phrase. Replace awkward 'not only that it helps to save extra costs, cuts that you would not like to cover and give you the same quality of a product' with concise clauses. Use auxiliary 'does' for 'not only' inversion and 'teaches' (third person singular) for subject-verb agreement.

× The good habit then can help children and teenagers to learn to be more financially, uh, responsible and help them to, uh, enhance their financial thing.

✓ This habit can help children and teenagers learn to be more financially responsible and improve their financial skills.

Remove filler words and fix structure: use 'learn to be' and 'improve their financial skills' instead of the vague 'enhance their financial thing.' Keep verbs parallel and concise.

× Honestly, making decisions when I go shopping is not a difficult part for me because I would just always go for the cheapest and most affordable option.

✓ Honestly, making decisions when I go shopping is not difficult for me because I usually choose the cheapest and most affordable option.

Avoid 'would just always' which mixes conditional with habitual meaning. Use present simple 'usually choose' to show habitual action and remove unnecessary 'part'.

× If I see something that I need and it is it has a reasonable price and I'm just gonna grab it and put it in my basket.

✓ If I see something I need at a reasonable price, I'm just going to grab it and put it in my basket.

Fix redundancy 'it is it has' and use 'going to' for intention; keep present/future meaning consistent. Use 'at a reasonable price' for correct prepositional phrase.

× If I actually have to decide between two and more products, then most of the time I would just go with the one that is most the most. Cost effective and the one that gives me the most value in the long run.

✓ If I have to decide between two or more products, most of the time I choose the one that is most cost-effective and gives me the most long-term value.

Fix 'two and more' to 'two or more' and remove repeated phrase 'most the most.' Use adjective 'cost-effective' and present simple 'choose' for habitual action. Combine fragments into one sentence for clarity.

× And I think that making choices when shopping should be should not be rushed.

✓ And I think that making choices when shopping should not be rushed.

Remove duplicated 'should be.' Use modal 'should not be rushed' to express recommendation.

× I think that this heavily depends on the situation.

✓ I think that this heavily depends on the situation.

Sentence is correct; keep present simple to express a general opinion. No change required.

× If you are purchasing a car for example, then obviously the more expensive one would guarantee you with a longer insurance and would overall enhance your experience while using the car.

✓ If you are purchasing a car, for example, then a more expensive one will often come with longer warranty coverage and will generally improve your experience using the car.

Replace 'the more expensive one would guarantee you with a longer insurance' which is awkward: use 'a more expensive one will often come with longer warranty coverage.' Use 'will' for likely result and correct noun 'warranty' or 'coverage' rather than 'insurance' in this context. Remove extra 'the' and fix word order.

× And if you're talking about cheaper products then they have a very obvious advantage that they are cheap and they save you money and they cut costs.

✓ Cheaper products have the obvious advantage of being inexpensive and saving you money.

Avoid repetitive 'they are cheap and they save you money and they cut costs.' Use noun phrase 'the advantage of being inexpensive' and concise structure.

× And not all expensive products are quality.

✓ Not all expensive products are high quality.

Use 'high quality' as correct adjective phrase; 'are quality' is incorrect. Keep present simple for general statement.

× They can be overpriced, like ridiculously overpriced sometimes.

✓ They can be overpriced, sometimes ridiculously so.

Streamline wording: place adverb 'sometimes' appropriately and use 'ridiculously so' for natural emphasis.

× And it's better for you to purchase for what is more quality.

✓ It's better to buy what is of higher quality.

Fix preposition and phrasing: 'purchase for' is incorrect here; use 'buy' and 'of higher quality' to express comparison. Use present simple for general advice.