Shopping— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Limit your answer to at most 3–4 short sentences and avoid repeating words like “clothes.”

例: Yes, I enjoy shopping. I usually shop for food and clothes, and I particularly like choosing outfits for special occasions such as birthday parties and nights out. For these events, I prefer stores with a wide selection and good quality.

提案: Good direct answer and reason. Improve coherence by using linking words and tighten phrasing. Avoid awkward constructions like “versus to the price.” Give one concrete example and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I always compare prices because I want to make sure I get value for money. For example, during sales I check reviews and fabric quality so I only buy items that look durable and worth the discounted price.

提案: The answer is unclear and off-topic. Provide a direct yes/no topic sentence and then give a brief explanation and an example. Keep it to 1–2 sentences and make sure it addresses decision-making difficulty.

例: Sometimes it is difficult for me to make choices because I worry about buying the wrong size or style. For instance, I often hesitate between two dresses and end up asking a friend for advice.

提案: Good opinion and example, but the answer is wordy and slightly repetitive. Start with a clear topic sentence, use a linking phrase for the reason, and provide one concise, specific example. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I don't think expensive products are always better because price often reflects branding rather than quality. For example, some affordable makeup brands perform just as well as high-end ones in terms of coverage and staying power.

× Yes, I do love to shop. I love shopping for food, for clothes, especially clothes for important events such as birthday parties, going out partying, clothes.

✓ Yes, I love to shop. I enjoy shopping for food and clothes, especially clothes for important events such as birthday parties or nights out.

The original uses 'do' unnecessarily with 'love' in a simple present affirmative sentence; 'do' is used for emphasis or negatives/questions. There is also repetition ('clothes' twice) and awkward phrasing ('going out partying, clothes'). Suggest replacing 'I do love' with 'I love' and combine items with conjunctions to improve fluency. Use 'nights out' or 'going out' instead of 'going out partying, clothes'.

× Yes, I do compare prices when I shop prior to buying a certain clothing because I want to ensure that I'm getting my money's worth.

✓ Yes, I compare prices when I shop prior to buying a particular item of clothing because I want to ensure that I'm getting my money's worth.

The phrase 'a certain clothing' is ungrammatical; 'clothing' is an uncountable noun and needs a countable phrase such as 'a particular item of clothing' or 'certain clothes'. Also 'do compare' is unnecessary in affirmative present simple; remove 'do' unless adding emphasis. 'Particular' is clearer than 'certain' here.

× Also, for example, during sales, I'd like to ensure that the quality of the clothes that I'm buying versus to the price is making it worth it.

✓ Also, for example, during sales I'd like to ensure that the quality of the clothes I'm buying, compared to the price, makes them worth it.

The original misuses 'versus to' and has incorrect subject-verb agreement ('is making it worth it'). Use 'compared to' instead of 'versus to'. Make the subject plural ('the clothes') and use 'makes them worth it' or 'is worth the price'. Remove unnecessary commas and simplify the clause for clarity.

× An adult.

✓ No, I am not; I am a teenager/adult. (Answer should be a complete sentence that matches the question's intent, e.g., 'No, it is not difficult for me to make choices when I shop.')

The response 'An adult.' is a fragment and does not answer the question 'Is it difficult for you to make choices when you shop?'. Provide a full sentence that directly answers the question. Depending on intended meaning, give 'No, it is not difficult for me to make choices when I shop.' or clarify what 'An adult' was intended to convey.

× I don't believe that expensive products are always better than cheaper ones because sometimes the reason why it just is considered better is because of the price of the product but not the quality of the product.

✓ I don't believe that expensive products are always better than cheaper ones because sometimes they are considered better only because of their price, not because of their quality.

The original is wordy and awkward ('the reason why it just is considered better'). Simplify and use appropriate pronouns ('they' for 'products') and parallel structure ('not because of their quality'). Keep present tense but make the sentence concise.

× And one example of these are makeup products. Sometimes cheaper makeup products are more worth it to buy rather than expensive.

✓ One example is makeup products. Sometimes cheaper makeup products are more worth buying than expensive ones.

Use 'one example is' rather than 'one example of these are' to match subject-verb agreement. 'More worth it to buy' is awkward; use 'more worth buying' or 'better to buy'. Also use 'expensive ones' to avoid repeating the noun and to have correct parallel structure.