Shopping— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and fix grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two concise supporting points with linking words. Remove filler words like "umm" and avoid unclear phrases (e.g., "Only one hand shopping can be at turn"). Aim for natural, fluent sentences and keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy shopping because it helps me relax and lift my mood. For example, shopping with friends is a fun, social activity, whereas crowded malls make me uncomfortable. Therefore, I often shop online since it is more convenient and saves time.

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Give a clear topic sentence saying you compare prices, then explain reasons with specific details and linking words (e.g., "because", "so"). Correct grammar: use "last longer" and avoid awkward phrasing like "I usually, uh, I am.".

例: Yes, I usually compare prices because I want good value for money. For instance, I check reviews and materials so I can buy clothes that will last longer, rather than paying more for poor-quality items.

提案: Eliminate hesitations and tighten structure. Begin with a direct answer (Yes/No + brief reason), then add a supporting example with a linking word. Fix grammar: say "I usually feel unsure" and "help me choose the item that suits me best."

例: Yes, I often feel unsure when choosing clothes, so I go shopping with friends for advice. For example, they help me try on several options and pick the outfit that flatters me most.

提案: Make the opinion clear and add a specific example or reason. Avoid repetition and complete the final thought. Use linking words like "because" and "for example" and correct phrases such as "may not last long."

例: No, I don't think expensive products are always better because price doesn't guarantee quality. For example, I once bought an expensive jacket that ripped after a season, whereas a cheaper brand I bought later lasted much longer.

× Only one hand shopping can be at turn, umm uh, relaxing activity, especially if I go with my friends.

✓ On the other hand, shopping can be a relaxing activity, especially if I go with my friends.

The original sentence has incorrect word order and wrong phrases ('Only one hand', 'can be at turn') causing a sentence structure error (use ID 26). Correct form is 'On the other hand, shopping can be a relaxing activity'. Suggestion: use the common contrast phrase 'On the other hand' and the correct noun phrase 'shopping' as subject with the verb 'can be' followed by the article 'a' and the adjective 'relaxing' plus noun 'activity'.

× Instead of it, I often prefer online shopping, which is more convenient and saves my time.

✓ Instead, I often prefer online shopping, which is more convenient and saves me time.

The phrase 'Instead of it' is an incorrect prepositional phrase here (use ID 11). Use 'Instead' or 'Instead of that' to contrast. Also 'saves my time' is unnatural; say 'saves me time'. Suggestion: use 'Instead' to start the contrast and the correct object pronoun 'me' with 'saves'.

× I usually, uh, I am.

✓ I usually do.

The original fragment 'I usually, uh, I am.' is ungrammatical and lacks a complete verb or meaning (use ID 26). In context the student is answering 'Do you compare prices?' so the correct short answer is 'I usually do.' Suggestion: use 'do' as a pro-verb to avoid repetition and complete the sentence.

× I usually try to be practical when I buy something, uh, because it is important to me to buy clothes that would last longer and umm, uh, rather than buying something expensive and umm, and have poor quality.

✓ I usually try to be practical when I buy something because it is important to me to buy clothes that will last longer rather than buying something expensive that has poor quality.

Several issues: use of 'would' is inappropriate for this general present/future meaning (use ID 6 for present tense or ID 7 for future; here treat as present-general/future: change to 'will'); 'and have poor quality' is a clause structure error—should be 'that has poor quality' or better 'that are poor quality' (use ID 26 and ID 13). Suggestion: use 'will last longer' to express durability and change the relative clause to 'that has poor quality' or 'that are poor quality' to be grammatical.

× Honestly, it is I usually feel unsure when I buy something.

✓ Honestly, I usually feel unsure when I buy something.

The original places 'it is' unnecessarily, creating an incorrect sentence structure (use ID 26). Remove the extraneous 'it is' so the subject 'I' directly pairs with the verb 'usually feel'.

× they help me to choose the right, uh, thing that suits on me the best.

✓ they help me choose the right thing that suits me best.

The phrase 'suits on me' uses an incorrect preposition 'on'—'suit' takes an indirect object without a preposition (use ID 11). Also 'help me to choose' is acceptable but 'help me choose' is more natural. 'the best' after 'suits me' should be 'best'. Suggestion: remove 'on' and streamline to 'suits me best'.

× because expensive thing, expensive things can be, can have poor quality and would not last longer.

✓ because expensive things can have poor quality and may not last long.

The original mixes singular and plural ('expensive thing, expensive things can be'), causing number inconsistency (use ID 1). Also 'would not last longer' is incorrect for general statement about products; use 'may not last long' (use ID 7/6). Suggestion: use plural 'expensive things' and 'may not last long' for a general possibility. Remove redundant repetition and choose the appropriate modal 'may' for possibility.

× So it is important to care about quality and choose items that would last longer even if they are.

✓ So it is important to care about quality and choose items that will last longer even if they are cheaper.

The clause 'even if they are' is incomplete and creates a sentence structure error (use ID 26). It seems the intended idea is 'even if they are cheaper.' Also 'would last longer' should be 'will last longer' or 'last longer' for general statements. Suggestion: complete the comparison ('even if they are cheaper') and use 'will' or simple present for general truths.