Gifts— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and fix word choice and verb forms (e.g., “baked goods,” “gives me a sense of achievement”).

例: Yes, I enjoy giving gifts. My hobby is baking, so I often give homemade cakes and cookies to friends and colleagues, which makes me feel proud and connected to them.

提案: Provide a clear timeframe and specific occasions. Use linking words (for example, “usually” or “often”) and correct nouns (e.g., “baked goods,” “occasion”). Reduce hesitations and avoid unclear phrases like “secondary my love.”

例: I usually give gifts on birthdays and during holidays. For example, I often bake cookies for my family at Christmas and make small cake boxes for friends’ birthdays to show my appreciation.

提案: Answer directly and give a clear structure: state the main consideration, then give a specific example. Use correct vocabulary (e.g., “interests,” name the game correctly—‘Animal Crossing’) and avoid repetition and filler words.

例: I consider the recipient’s interests first. For instance, one friend loves the Nintendo game Animal Crossing, so I bought themed merchandise and a game accessory that match their hobby.

提案: Be concise and correct awkward phrases. State the fact, then give a specific example and reaction. Replace unclear phrases like “should wash their expression” with clearer descriptions of recipients’ reactions.

例: Yes, I often give handmade gifts. For example, I once made a batch of decorated cupcakes for a friend’s promotion, and they were really surprised and happy when I handed them the box.

提案: State your opinion clearly and give reasons using linking words. Fix grammar: say “I don’t think expensive gifts are better” and “I prefer handwritten letters” and explain why with a specific reason.

例: I don’t think expensive gifts express feelings better. Rather, I prefer handwritten letters because they show time and thought, which feels more personal and meaningful to me.

× I love giving gifts for my loved ones because my hobby is baking, so I love to share my bakery with my colleagues and friends families.

✓ I love giving gifts to my loved ones because my hobby is baking, so I like to share my baked goods with my colleagues and friends' families.

Use 'give to' rather than 'give for' when indicating the recipient. 'Share' usually collocates with 'baked goods' or 'baked treats' rather than 'bakery'. Use possessive 'friends' families' to show the families belong to friends. Also change 'love to' to 'like to' for naturalness.

× It gives me sense of achievement.

✓ It gives me a sense of achievement.

The noun phrase requires the indefinite article 'a' before 'sense'. Without the article the phrase is ungrammatical.

× Uh umm there are two days that I give gift to others and one thing is that I bake some bakery.

✓ Uh, there are two occasions when I give gifts to others, and one is that I bake some treats.

'There are' is acceptable but the sentence needs plural 'gifts' and a more natural noun for baked items like 'treats'. 'Days' is better expressed as 'occasions'. Also restructure for clarity.

× There's no reason I bake, I just want to share my bake umm some cookies with loved ones and also secondary my love.

✓ There's no particular reason I bake; I just want to share cookies with my loved ones and also show my affection.

Use 'There's no particular reason' for clarity. 'Share my bake' is unidiomatic; use 'share cookies'. 'Loved ones' needs 'my'. 'Also secondary my love' is incorrect — use 'also show my affection'.

× I usually consider about their interest or some interest.

✓ I usually consider their interests or what they like.

Do not use 'consider about'; the verb 'consider' takes a direct object. Use plural 'interests' for multiple people and 'what they like' is a natural alternative.

× For example, my friends are really crazy these days, really crazy into Nintendo game which is called animals.

✓ For example, my friends are really into a Nintendo game called Animal Crossing these days.

Use 'into' with hobbies: 'crazy into' is informal; 'really into' is enough. Specify correct game title 'Animal Crossing' and place modifiers in natural order.

× The rest of animals. So I I would buy some.

✓ They enjoy the rest of the activities in the game, so I would buy some related items for them.

Original fragments are incomplete and unclear. Combine into a full sentence: explain what 'the rest of animals' refers to and state the intended action. Use 'would buy some related items' to be grammatical.

× As I mentioned earlier, I love baking so I enjoy sharing my bakery treats with my loved ones and should wash their expression.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, I love baking so I enjoy sharing my baked treats with my loved ones and seeing their expressions.

Use 'baked treats' not 'bakery treats'. 'Should wash their expression' is incorrect; likely meant 'see their expressions' — use 'seeing their expressions' to indicate the result.

× I don't think so. Umm, for me, I don't think very expensive gifts because gifts, but I prefer to receive, uh, handwrite letter.

✓ I don't think so. For me, very expensive gifts do not mean more; I prefer to receive a handwritten letter.

Original has fragmented and repeated parts. Use 'do not mean more' or 'do not express feelings better'. 'Handwrite letter' should be 'a handwritten letter'.

× It is more emotionally connected with my loved ones, so.

✓ It is more emotionally meaningful to me and connects me with my loved ones.

'Emotionally connected' is awkward; use 'emotionally meaningful' and express the connection clearly. End the sentence fully rather than leaving 'so.'