Watch— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and fix articles and verb forms (e.g. “a watch”, “I don’t always look at it”).

例: Yes, I usually wear a watch. However, I don’t always check it because I carry my phone everywhere, and my phone is more convenient for checking the time. Sometimes I wear a watch for style, especially when I’m dressed up.

提案: Clarify meaning and use correct expressions. Give a clear topic sentence, explain the cultural reason with appropriate vocabulary (e.g. ‘considered bad luck’, ‘symbolises the end of a relationship’), and use linking words like ‘because’ or ‘so’.

例: No, I haven’t. In my family and culture, giving a watch as a gift is considered bad luck because the word for ‘send a watch’ sounds like ending a relationship, so people avoid it.

提案: Use clearer vocabulary and grammar. Start with a direct reason, then give one or two specific consequences or opinions using linking words like ‘because’, ‘for example’, or ‘however’. Avoid vague phrases and pronunciation-like fillers.

例: Many people wear expensive watches to display wealth and status because a luxury watch is a visible sign of success. However, some people think it attracts unwanted attention, for example from thieves, so wearing such watches can be risky.

提案: Give a concise opinion first, then support it with specific reasons and a linking word. Fix small grammar issues (e.g. plural ‘watches’). You can add a contrasting point to show balance.

例: I don’t think it’s important for me because my phone replaces a watch and is more convenient for checking the time. However, I can see why some people prefer watches for fashion or when they don’t want to use their phone.

× Yeah, I usually wear watch, which I sometimes look at to tell the time.

✓ Yeah, I usually wear a watch, which I sometimes look at to tell the time.

The noun 'watch' needs an article 'a' because it is a singular, countable noun. Use 'a watch' for one item. Suggestion: use 'a' with singular countable nouns when first mentioned.

× Admittedly, I wear, I don't always look at it since I carry my phone everywhere and I think mobile phone is more convenient.

✓ Admittedly, I do wear it, but I don't always look at it since I carry my phone everywhere and I think my mobile phone is more convenient.

The sentence needs auxiliary 'do' for emphasis in present simple: 'I do wear it.' Also add 'it' after 'wear' to refer to the watch and the possessive 'my' before 'mobile phone'. Suggestion: use 'do' for emphasis and include necessary pronouns.

× Yeah, so we don't send a watch in China because it seems a short lifespan.

✓ Yeah, so we don't give a watch in China because it seems like bad luck or suggests a short lifespan.

Verb 'seem' in this context needs 'like' or a clearer structure. Also 'send a watch' is unnatural; 'give a watch' is correct for gifts. The original also mixed idea of 'bad luck' and 'short lifespan'; rephrasing clarifies meaning. Suggestion: use 'give' for gifting and 'seems like' before a noun phrase.

× My family is charged the Chinese station because they think of send a watch can be a bad luck.

✓ My family follows Chinese tradition because they think giving a watch can bring bad luck.

The phrase 'is charged the Chinese station' is incorrect and unclear. Use 'follows Chinese tradition' or 'observe a Chinese custom.' 'Think of send a watch' should be 'think giving a watch' or 'believe that giving a watch'. Suggestion: use correct verbs for customs ('follow/observe') and use gerund or 'that' clause after 'think/believe'.

× Some people wear a high price watches in order to show their wealth and catch somebody's eyes, but in fact I think no one care.

✓ Some people wear high-priced watches in order to show their wealth and catch someone's eye, but in fact I think no one cares.

Several issues: 'a high price watches' mixes singular article with plural noun; use 'high-priced watches' or 'a high-priced watch'. 'Somebody's eyes' should be 'someone's eye' or 'people's attention'. 'No one care' needs third person singular 'cares'. Suggestion: ensure agreement between article and noun number, use hyphenated adjective 'high-priced', and use correct verb form.

× And maybe thieves where attention needs yeah.

✓ And maybe thieves would pay attention to that.

Original uses wrong word 'where' and awkward 'attention needs'. The intended meaning is 'thieves would pay attention to that.' Use modal 'would' or 'might' plus 'pay attention to'. Suggestion: use 'pay attention to' to indicate attraction of attention.

× From my perspective, it's not very important for me because I think I have a mobile phone to look at the time, so it can replace the watches and it's more convenient and I will carry my phone anywhere.

✓ From my perspective, it's not very important for me because I have a mobile phone to check the time, so it can replace watches and it's more convenient and I will carry my phone everywhere.

'Replace the watches' incorrectly uses plural with 'the'; use 'replace watches' or 'replace a watch'. 'Look at the time' is acceptable but 'check the time' is more natural. 'Anywhere' should be 'everywhere' for carrying a phone. Suggestion: remove unnecessary 'the' with plural nouns and choose natural verbs like 'check' and adverbs like 'everywhere'.