Art— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two clear supporting details using correct tense and linking words. Avoid redundancy and long compound sentences. Also correct verb forms and word choice (e.g. "I had a dream", "didn't pay enough", "I chose to major in accounting").

例: Yes, I do. I loved drawing as a child and once dreamed of becoming a painter. However, because painting seemed unlikely to provide a stable income, I chose to major in accounting instead.

提案: Improve sentence structure and fluency. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then use linking words like "however" or "but" and correct pronouns and prepositions. Make reasons specific and concise. Correct phrases: "if invited", "go by myself", "I find it boring", "I am not very interested in galleries alone."

例: It depends. If a friend invites me, I'm happy to go because I enjoy shared conversations about the art. However, I usually don't go to galleries alone because I find it less engaging without someone to discuss the works with.

提案: Use correct grammar and be specific. Start with a clear statement, then give concrete interests and examples. Avoid repeating words like "really". Use correct nouns: "Italian and Parisian art history" or "Italian and French art history."

例: Yes, I do. I'm particularly interested in Italian and French art history because both regions have rich traditions, such as Renaissance painting in Italy and Impressionism in Paris, and I would like to study those movements in more depth.

提案: Make the answer complete and grammatical. Provide a clear topic sentence, a reason, and a concise example. Correct tense and phrasing: "my mom wanted me to focus on something," "she sent me to art school," and finish the example clearly. Avoid vague endings.

例: Yes, I did. My mother wanted me to focus on a hobby, so she sent me to an art school to learn painting. That training improved my concentration and helped me develop patience when working on detailed tasks.

× To be honest, yes, because when I was a child, I have a dream to become a painter in the future.

✓ To be honest, yes, because when I was a child, I had a dream of becoming a painter.

The sentence uses present perfect 'have' with a past time reference 'when I was a child'; past simple 'had' is correct. Also 'a dream to become' is awkward; use 'a dream of becoming' for correct verb form (gerund) after 'dream of'. Suggestion: Use past simple for past time references and use 'dream of' + gerund.

× But a painter didn't have enough reward to maintain life, so I choose major accounting.

✓ But being a painter did not provide enough income to make a living, so I chose to major in accounting.

Several errors: 'a painter didn't have' treats 'painter' as a specific person; use a gerund phrase 'being a painter' or plural 'painters do not have'. 'Reward' is incorrect collocation; 'income' or 'money' fits. 'Maintain life' should be 'make a living'. Tense: main clause refers to past decision so use past simple 'chose'. Also use 'major in accounting' not 'choose major accounting'. Suggestion: Use correct collocations (make a living, income) and past tense for past events.

× Actually it depends. If someone invites me to the gallery, I am willing to go with with he or she.

✓ Actually, it depends. If someone invites me to the gallery, I am willing to go with him or her.

Pronoun case is wrong: 'he or she' is subject form; after a preposition 'with' use object form 'him or her'. Also duplicated 'with with' and missing comma after 'Actually'. Suggestion: Use object pronouns after prepositions and proofread for duplicated words.

× But if asked me go to there by myself I will feel boring because I don't have the interest on it.

✓ But if I go there by myself, I will feel bored because I am not interested in it.

Several structure issues: 'if asked me go to there' is ungrammatical; correct conditional is 'if I go there by myself'. 'Feel boring' is wrong: people feel bored. 'Don't have the interest on it' should be 'am not interested in it'. Suggestion: Use correct conditional structure, proper adjective 'bored', and correct preposition 'interested in'.

× Actually, I really want to know more about art because I really interested in the history of Italian and Paris, which is really full of traditional culture of art and also I want to learn more about it.

✓ Actually, I really want to know more about art because I am really interested in the histories of Italy and Paris, which are full of traditional artistic culture, and I also want to learn more about them.

Missing auxiliary 'am' for 'interested' (should be 'am interested'). 'History of Italian and Paris' mixes adjective/noun wrongly: use 'histories of Italy and Paris' or 'the history of Italy and Paris'. 'Which is' should agree in number with plural subject, so 'which are'. 'Traditional culture of art' is awkward; 'traditional artistic culture' or 'artistic traditions' is better. Pronoun agreement: 'them' for plural. Suggestion: Ensure subject-verb agreement, include necessary auxiliaries, use correct noun forms and plural agreement.

× Did you learn drawing when you were a kid?

✓ Did you learn to draw when you were a kid?

After 'learn' the infinitive with 'to' or the gerund can be used with different meanings; common and natural phrasing is 'learn to draw'. 'Learn drawing' is less idiomatic. Suggestion: Use 'learn to' + base verb for acquiring skills.

× Absolutely yes, because when I was a child my mom asked me that I need to concentrate in one thing, so she send me to the art school to learn how to paint which helped me to concentrate in many items for example when I deal with.

✓ Absolutely yes, because when I was a child my mom told me that I needed to concentrate on one thing, so she sent me to art school to learn how to paint, which helped me to concentrate on many tasks, for example when I am dealing with work.

Multiple errors fixed: 'asked me that I need' is wrong: use 'told me that I needed' (reported speech and past tense). 'Concentrate in one thing' should be 'concentrate on one thing'. 'She send' must be past 'she sent'. 'Art school' does not need 'the' unless specific. 'Which helped me to concentrate in many items' -> 'concentrate on many tasks'. Final fragment 'for example when I deal with' was incomplete; completed as 'for example when I am dealing with work' to make sense. Modal verb tag: original used incorrect tense/modal mix. Suggestion: Use correct past tense in reported speech, proper preposition 'concentrate on', and complete sentence endings.