Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh), use correct tense and simple grammar, and give one or two specific details about the dream. Keep the answer within 2–4 sentences and use linking words like because or when to connect ideas.

例: Yes. I can remember some dreams from my childhood. For example, I often dreamed of living in a comfortable house because my family was wealthy in the dream, and everything felt peaceful and safe.

提案: Answer the exact question first (whether you share dreams or are interested in others' dreams). Then add clear supporting detail about your current dream of starting a logistics business. Use linking words (so, because) and correct tense and word order.

例: Yes, I sometimes share my dreams with close friends and family because they give me feedback. For instance, I often tell them about my plan to start a logistics company because my father works in logistics and I want to learn from him.

提案: Give a direct opinion and explain briefly with one or two reasons or an example. Avoid confusing negatives and unclear phrasing. Use linking words like because or however to make the idea logical.

例: I think some dreams can have meaning because they might reflect our worries or wishes. However, many dreams are just the brain processing daily events, so not every dream has a deep significance.

提案: Start with a clear yes/no and then explain the specific steps you will take. Use correct verb forms (I want to work hard, I will learn) and avoid repetition and fillers. Give one or two concrete actions and a time or method if possible.

例: Yes, I want to make my dream come true. I plan to work hard and learn my father's logistics practices, and I will save money and study business management to prepare for opening my company.

× Yes, I remember I, uh, my dream is, uh, I had plots because my, when I was children.

✓ Yes, I remember. When I was a child, I had recurring dreams about plots.

The original sentence has unclear structure and mixed tenses. It uses 'when I was children' which is incorrect (singular/plural and article). Also 'my dream is, I had plots' mixes present and past. Correct by separating into two clear clauses, use singular 'child', and match past tense for remembered dreams.

× I have a dream plot because it's, uh, good feature, uh, and more comfortable is the feature.

✓ I had this dream because it showed good qualities and a comfortable lifestyle.

The phrase 'good feature' and 'more comfortable is the feature' are unidiomatic. Use nouns like 'qualities' and 'lifestyle' and ensure the tense matches 'had'. Also maintain natural English word order rather than literal translations.

× And my family has earn a lot of money.

✓ And my family has earned a lot of money.

The verb phrase uses 'has' (present perfect auxiliary) but 'earn' (base form) instead of the past participle 'earned'. Use 'has earned' for present perfect to show a completed action with present relevance.

× It's a job.

✓ It is a job I want to have.

'It's a job' is vague and doesn't connect to previous idea. Clarify the intended meaning by completing the clause to express desire or relation to the family earning money.

× My dreams now it's a business, uh, businessman because I, I will open the business company in logistic,

✓ My current dream is to be a businessman because I will start a logistics company.

The original mixes tenses and incorrect noun forms: 'dreams now it's a business' should be singular 'dream' and 'is to be a businessman'. 'Business company in logistic' is awkward; use 'logistics company'. Consistent present tense for the dream and future for the planned action improves clarity.

× My father's, uh, jobs logistic, uh, then I opened the logistic company.

✓ My father works in logistics, so I will open a logistics company.

'My father's jobs logistic' is incorrect grammar and word order. Use 'my father works in logistics' (verb + prepositional noun). Also adjust tense: likely future 'I will open' rather than past 'opened', matching prior statement about plans.

× And I think the main reason it's just dreams cannot feel or feelings or thoughts.

✓ I think dreams do not necessarily reflect real feelings or thoughts.

The original is ungrammatical and unclear. Use a clear subject-verb structure 'dreams do not necessarily reflect' and choose appropriate nouns 'feelings or thoughts'. This corrects word order and meaning.

× I want, uh, spend time working a lot of spend time working, uh, hard working and especially, uh, I will learn, uh, father's practice.

✓ I want to spend a lot of time working hard, and I will especially learn from my father's experience.

The original repeats phrases and misuses forms: 'I want, spend' needs 'to' infinitive 'to spend'. 'Hard working' should be 'working hard'. 'Learn father's practice' is unnatural; use 'learn from my father's experience' or 'learn my father's trade'. Maintain future intention with 'will'.