Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, pronunciation and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms and articles, and limit to 3–4 concise sentences. Use linking words (for example, "but" or "however") and specific details (where you traveled, who with, what was strange). Also avoid repetition and filler words.

例: To be honest, I usually cannot remember my dreams. However, one dream I remember clearly involved traveling to an unfamiliar island with a close friend. The scenery was strange because the buildings floated above the water, which surprised us both. It felt exciting and a little surreal.

提案: Work on sentence structure and clarity. Give a direct topic sentence, then explain with one or two clear reasons and avoid unrelated or unclear details (like lottery without context). Use correct tense and pronouns, and signpost with linking words like "because" or "so".

例: Yes, I often tell my mother or close friends about my dreams if I remember them. I find other people's dreams interesting because they can reveal their worries or desires. For example, once a friend dreamed about numbers and joked that it might be a lucky lottery number, which made our conversation fun.

提案: Be more concise and use correct grammar. Begin with a clear opinion, then support it with a specific reason and example. Use linking words such as "because" or "for example" to connect ideas. Avoid repetition and phrasing errors.

例: I think dreams can reflect what we spend a lot of time thinking about. For example, students often dream about exams because they are anxious and focused on studying. So dreams may reveal our current concerns or priorities.

提案: Clarify your meaning and improve sentence flow. Start with a direct answer, then explain what you mean by 'dream' (ambition vs. nighttime dream) and give a specific example and plan. Use correct verb forms and avoid redundant phrases.

例: Definitely. I want to achieve my dreams, and I don't mean just nighttime dreams but my ambitions in life. For example, I dream of becoming a researcher, so I plan to study hard, gain research experience, and apply for graduate programs to reach that goal.

× To be honest I not I cannot remember the game, but for the dream that I can remember it's about umm. Travel I dream about.

✓ To be honest, I cannot remember the dream, but the one I can remember is about travel.

The original sentence mixes negation and incorrect nouns ('game' instead of 'dream') and has awkward structure. Use correct present tense 'cannot remember' and a clear clause 'the one I can remember is about travel.' Add commas for clarity.

× I go to something that I don't know before and travel with my friend.

✓ I go to places I had never been to before and travel with my friend.

The verb 'go' + time references requires clearer tense; 'had never been to before' expresses prior unfamiliarity. Use plural 'places' for general trips. Maintain consistent past or present context; here past experience fits 'had never been to.'

× It's so weird.

✓ It was so strange.

Tense consistency: earlier sentences describe a past dream, so use past 'was.' Also 'strange' is more natural than 'weird' in this context; both are acceptable but maintain tone.

× Yes, if I can remember the dream I will told my mother or my lumet and sometime I very interest in other team like maybe their dream about the number and I I will.

✓ Yes, if I can remember the dream I will tell my mother or my relative, and sometimes I am very interested in other people's dreams, like if their dream is about numbers.

Multiple issues: 'will told' mixes future and past; use 'will tell.' 'Lumet' is unclear—'relative' or 'family member' fits. 'Sometime' -> 'sometimes.' Use 'interested in' with adjective 'interested' plus 'in.' 'Other team' should be 'other people's dreams.' Maintain correct subject-verb forms and prepositions.

× I don't need entry this because I will buy the lottery, so that really the interest that's for me.

✓ I don't need to enter this because I will buy a lottery ticket, so that is really what interests me.

'Need entry' is incorrect; use 'need to enter.' 'Buy the lottery' should be 'buy a lottery ticket.' 'That really the interest that's for me' is ungrammatical; rephrase to 'that is really what interests me.' Maintain modal structure and noun phrases.

× For me, I think when people dream, it may because they spend time to to that like if you dream about the study, it's maybe because.

✓ For me, I think when people dream, it may be because they spend a lot of time doing that; for example, if you dream about studying, it may be because you spent a lot of time studying.

Errors: 'may because' requires 'may be because.' 'Spend time to to that' should be 'spend a lot of time doing that.' 'Dream about the study' -> 'dream about studying.' Keep tense consistent and use gerund 'doing' after 'spend time'.

× They spend time with their studies during the exam or during the midterm, right?

✓ They spend a lot of time studying during exams or midterms, right?

Use 'studying' instead of 'with their studies.' Plurals 'exams' and 'midterms' are more natural. Add 'a lot of' if intended emphasis. Maintain present tense generalization.

× Definitely, if I can do that, I think it's really happy for me because I think dream is not the definite by you sleep and you dream, but dream is maybe the thing that you want to get it, the thing that you want to be like maybe.

✓ Definitely. If I can do that, I would be very happy because I think a dream is not just something that happens when you sleep; a dream can be something you want to achieve, the thing you want to become.

Use conditional 'would be' for hypothetical happiness. 'It's really happy for me' is incorrect; use 'I would be very happy.' Clarify definition: 'a dream is not just something that happens when you sleep' and avoid redundant phrasing. Remove unnecessary pronouns and correct article usage 'a dream.'

× It's about I dream about, I want to be the researcher and I want to make come to in the future.

✓ For example, I dream of becoming a researcher and I want to achieve that in the future.

Use 'dream of becoming' for aspirations. 'Make come to' is ungrammatical; use 'achieve that' or 'make it happen.' Keep future intent with 'in the future.' Ensure verb forms and prepositions are correct.