Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more coherent: state one main idea, use correct tense and simple vocabulary, and give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (uh) and unclear phrases. Keep answers under five sentences and use linking words (for example, but, because).

例: Yes, I can remember some dreams. For example, I often dream that I become a doctor because I like helping people. However, I also worry about whether I will have enough skills and opportunities, so I study hard to improve myself.

提案: Clarify meaning and organize answer: start with a direct yes/no or brief statement, then explain reasons with specific examples. Use correct grammar for future plans ("when I grow up I want to...") and plural/singular forms (children, social worker).

例: Yes, I talk about my dreams with close friends and family. For instance, I tell them I want to become a social worker because I want to help elderly people and children. I discuss practical steps with them, such as studying social work at university.

提案: Make the opinion clear and support it with a reason and an example. Use linking words (because, therefore, for example) and remove repetition. Keep it concise and natural.

例: Yes, I think dreams can have special meanings because they reflect our concerns and goals. For example, if you often dream about studying, it may show that you care a lot about your education and future.

提案: Respond directly and give concrete steps you are taking. Use correct terms (GPA), verb forms (I am studying), and avoid hesitations. Give one or two specific actions showing progress toward the dream.

例: Yes, I want to make my dream come true. Currently I am studying sociology and social science, and I aim to get a high GPA so I can apply for a social work program. I also plan to volunteer at a care center to gain experience.

× Yes, I remembered the gym I had, uh, is uh, doctors when I always travel.

✓ Yes, I remember the dream I had about being a doctor when I travel.

The student used past tense 'remembered' incorrectly for a current recollection and misused 'gym' for 'dream' and word order. Use present simple 'remember' to state that you can recall a dream now. Also correct word choice and order: 'the dream I had about being a doctor when I travel.'

× I think your daughter can have very higher uh income and I can have a better life.

✓ I think my daughter can have a much higher income and I can have a better life.

'Very higher' is incorrect; use 'much higher' or 'much' + comparative. Also 'your daughter' likely should be 'my daughter' in context. Use 'much higher income' for grammatical comparative intensification.

× But when I'm grow up, I know my level can bear.

✓ But when I grow up, I know I can manage.

'I'm grow up' is incorrect form; use 'I grow up' or 'I grow up' in time clause, but native phrasing is 'when I grow up.' 'My level can bear' is ungrammatical; replace with 'I can manage' or 'I can afford it' depending on meaning.

× Era I, when I grow up, I, uh, choose a other James, which is about, uh, daughter is very hard and need food a lot, uh, time.

✓ When I grow up, I want to choose another job, which involves helping daughters who are very poor and need food and time.

'Era I' is unclear and removed. 'Choose a other James' appears to be 'choose another job.' Use 'want to choose' for future intention. Correct noun forms: 'daughters' plural, 'very poor' instead of 'very hard,' and fix 'need food a lot' to 'need food.'

× So nowadays I choosing, uh, social workers because I want to help the elderly or some children's.

✓ So nowadays I am choosing social work because I want to help the elderly or some children.

Use continuous present 'I am choosing' or better 'I am studying social work' to express current decision. 'Social workers' (plural) is a person; the field is 'social work.' 'Children's' with apostrophe is wrong; use plural 'children.'

× Yeah, it's because you put a lot of time in in it.

✓ Yeah, it's because you put a lot of time into it.

Use the preposition 'into' with 'put time into something.' Remove duplicate 'in.' This corrects prepositional collocation.

× You will think, uh, is it hard or it's very special mem memories for you?

✓ You will think, 'Is it hard?' or 'Is it a very special memory for you?'.

Original mixes direct questions into a single sentence and repeats 'mem memories.' Rephrase as reported thought with proper question forms: 'Is it hard?' or 'Is it a very special memory for you?'

× Yes, nowadays I choosing, uh, sociology and social science that mean I want to, uh, I need to get higher GP 8 and I can get umm and I can be your social workers.

✓ Yes, nowadays I am studying sociology and social science, which means I want to get a higher GPA and become a social worker.

Use present continuous 'I am studying.' 'That mean' should be 'which means.' 'GP 8' is unclear; likely 'GPA' and use 'higher GPA.' 'I can be your social workers' is incorrect: singular 'social worker' and remove 'your.'

× That is, that is very good, uh, option to me.

✓ That is a very good option for me.

Use the article 'a' before 'very good option' and the preposition 'for me' rather than 'to me' in this context.