Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise and directly answer the question with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid redundancy and long lists without linking words. Also correct minor grammar (e.g. "dreams being getting" → "dreams of getting").

例: Yes, I can. As a child I dreamed of attending the Philippine Science High School and later studying at the University of the Philippines to become a pediatric doctor. These goals shaped my school choices and motivated me to focus on science and math.

提案: Start with a direct answer (yes/no) and then give one clear reason and a brief example. Reduce filler words ("umm") and improve cohesion by using linking phrases like "because" or "however."

例: Yes, I often share and discuss dreams with my friends because many of them are creative—some want to make music or write books. However, I usually focus on academic goals since I am stronger in math and science.

提案: Give a concise direct opinion and support it with a specific reason or short example. Avoid repetition ("guide to where you're going towards to"). Use linking words like "because" or "for example."

例: Yes, I do, because clear dreams help you choose the right classes and activities. For example, wanting to become a doctor led me to focus on science subjects in school.

提案: Answer directly and personally, then add a specific action you are taking. Avoid generic statements about "every single person." Use linking words like "so" or "therefore" to show cause and effect succinctly.

例: Yes, I do. Therefore I study hard and participate in science competitions to strengthen my application for medical school and move closer to becoming a pediatric doctor.

× I remember my dreams being getting into a good science high school, which is the Philippine Science High School, then studying College in the University of the Philippines, then fulfilling my dream of becoming a pediatric doctor.

✓ I remember my dreams of getting into a good science high school, which is the Philippine Science High School, then studying in the University of the Philippines, and then fulfilling my dream of becoming a pediatric doctor.

The phrase 'being getting into' incorrectly combines a gerund 'being' with another gerund 'getting'; use 'dreams of getting' (noun + of + gerund) to express desire. Also, 'studying College' is incorrect collocation; use 'studying in the University' or 'studying at the University' to indicate place of study. Use 'and then' to link parallel actions. Suggestion: use 'dreams of getting into' and 'studying at/in the University'. Grammar problem type ID:8

× I'm very interested in them because I was never good at this kind of things.

✓ I'm very interested in them because I was never good at these kinds of things.

The phrase 'this kind of things' mixes singular demonstrative 'this' with plural 'things'. Use 'these kinds of things' or 'this kind of thing' for correct agreement between demonstrative and number. Suggestion: choose singular 'this kind of thing' or plural 'these kinds of things' depending on meaning. Grammar problem type ID:14

× I was more on the umm, mathematical side or science side, the academic side.

✓ I was more on the mathematical or scientific, academic side.

The phrase 'science side' is awkward; use adjective 'scientific' to modify 'side'. Also streamline the list by placing adjectives before 'side'. Suggestion: use 'mathematical or scientific, academic side' or 'the academic, mathematical and scientific side'. Grammar problem type ID:6

× I think establishing your dreams from a very young age is very important so you know the path that you are going to take.

✓ I think establishing your dreams at a very young age is very important so you know the path that you are going to take.

Use the preposition 'at' with ages/events: 'at a very young age' is the correct idiom. 'From a very young age' is also possible but changes nuance; here 'at' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'at a very young age' or 'from a very young age' consistently. Grammar problem type ID:11

× They are your guide to where you're going towards to.

✓ They are your guide to where you're going.

The phrase 'going towards to' redundantly combines 'towards' and 'to'. Use either 'going to' or 'going towards', or better: 'where you're going'. Suggestion: remove redundant prepositions to avoid repetition. Grammar problem type ID:11

× So it's very critical to have goals set.

✓ So it's very important to have goals set.

'Critical' is acceptable but slightly strong; however the main issue is wording: 'have goals set' is passive and slightly awkward. Use 'have goals' or 'set goals' — e.g., 'to set goals' or 'to have goals set for yourself'. Suggestion: 'to set goals' is clearer and more natural. Grammar problem type ID:4

× I believe that every single person wants their dream to come true.

✓ I believe that every single person wants his or her dream to come true.

Use of singular 'every single person' with plural possessive 'their' is a pronoun agreement issue. While singular 'they' is increasingly acceptable, according to the provided grammar list we should correct pronoun to match singular antecedent: 'his or her'. Suggestion: use 'every person wants his or her dream to come true' or rephrase 'everyone wants their dreams to come true' if plural 'their' is intended. Grammar problem type ID:10

× So I will work hard and study hard for me to achieve mine.

✓ So I will work hard and study hard to achieve mine.

The phrase 'for me to achieve mine' is wordy and awkward. Use an infinitive of purpose 'to achieve mine' after 'study hard' to express intent. Suggestion: remove 'for me' to make the sentence concise and natural. Grammar problem type ID:4