Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers (e.g., "umm"). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., "all things that I go through the dream" → "everything that happened in the dream").

例: Yes. I used to remember dreams more often when I was younger, but I still often recall them vividly now. For example, when I wake up I can usually remember everything that happened in the dream, including places and people.

提案: Give a direct answer, then explain with a specific reason and an example. Remove hesitations and fix grammar: say "I don't often share my dreams because I don't think they matter" and then add a clear contrasting example using a linking phrase like "however" or "but".

例: I don't usually share my dreams because I feel they aren't important. However, I have told people about a few dreams that later seemed to come true, so I mentioned those specific dreams to friends as an interesting story.

提案: Answer directly and give a concise reason using linking words. Avoid repetitions and filler sounds. Use clearer phrasing (e.g., "I think they're just the brain processing information during sleep").

例: No, I don't think dreams have special meanings; I believe they're just the brain processing memories and emotions during sleep. Therefore, I don't usually interpret them as important messages.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons. Remove repetition and complete the last thought ("if something doesn't happen"). Use linking words like "however" to contrast feelings.

例: Yes, I would be happier if my dreams came true, because they reflect my goals and hopes. However, I'm not upset if they don't, since I prefer to focus on the present and avoid disappointing myself if something doesn't happen.

× When I was younger I used to remember the dreams better, but right now I often remember my dreams vividly and umm when I wake up I remember all things that I go through the dream.

✓ When I was younger I used to remember dreams better, but now I often remember my dreams vividly and when I wake up I remember everything that happened in the dream.

Mixed tense and unnatural phrasing: 'right now' with 'used to' is acceptable but 'right now I often remember' is better as 'now I often remember' for register consistency. 'all things that I go through the dream' is ungrammatical and uses present tense 'go through' instead of past; it should be 'everything that happened in the dream.' Also drop the article before 'dreams' in 'remember the dreams' to read naturally as 'remember dreams' or 'remember my dreams.' Suggestions: use consistent present/past tense and idiomatic collocations like 'happened in the dream' and 'everything' instead of 'all things.'

× I don't often share my dreams with others because I don't think that there really matters.

✓ I don't often share my dreams with others because I don't think they really matter.

'there really matters' is ungrammatical: 'there' plus 'matters' is incorrect here. The correct subject is 'they' referring to 'dreams' and the verb should be 'matter' to agree with plural subject. Also remove the redundant 'that.' Suggestion: use 'they really matter' for clarity and correct agreement.

× But on the other hand, some of my dreams, uh, came true. So, uh, it's, that is and that way I told others.

✓ But on the other hand, some of my dreams came true, so I told others about them.

Awkward and ungrammatical phrasing: 'it's, that is and that way I told others' is unclear. Use simple past 'came true' is correct, then link with 'so' and state 'I told others about them.' This corrects sentence structure errors and clarifies the object of 'told.'

× No. I don't think that they have special meanings and I think they're just, uh, brains thinking during, uh, our sleep.

✓ No. I don't think they have special meanings; I think they're just our brains thinking during sleep.

Pronoun and article placement: 'they' is fine but 'brains' needs a determiner: 'our brains.' 'during our sleep' is wordy; 'during sleep' or 'while we sleep' is more natural. Also combine clauses with a semicolon or conjunction for clarity. Suggestion: include appropriate possessive pronoun 'our' before 'brains'.

× So I don't think that they really toll tells us important things.

✓ So I don't think they really tell us important things.

Redundant and incorrect verb forms: 'toll tells' is nonsensical; likely intended 'tell.' Remove extra words and ensure plural verb 'tell' matches plural subject 'they.' Suggestion: use 'tell us' for clear meaning.

× I think I think I will be happier if my dreams come true, but if they don't I don't really get upset because I prefer to live in present and I don't want to disappoint myself if something doesn't get.

✓ I think I would be happier if my dreams came true, but if they don't I don't really get upset because I prefer to live in the present and I don't want to disappoint myself if something doesn't happen.

Conditional and tense mistakes: 'I will be happier if my dreams come true' can be acceptable, but in reflective statements 'I would be happier if my dreams came true' is more natural for hypothetical. 'live in present' needs the article 'the present.' 'if something doesn't get' is incomplete; use 'if something doesn't happen.' Also remove the repeated 'I think.' Suggestions: use appropriate conditional form (would + past) for unreal or hypothetical situations and complete verb phrases.