Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 句子表达有逻辑但存在多处词汇和语法错误（如 loyal/loyalty/ lawyer 混淆、时态不一致、冗长重复）。回答应更直接，开头用主题句说明曾经的梦想，随后用1-2句具体原因，最多5句。注意使用正确词汇（lawyer 而非 loyal），并保持时态一致。尝试使用连接词如 because / so / therefore 提高连贯性。

例: When I was a child, I dreamed of becoming a lawyer because I wanted to help people solve legal problems. I thought the profession was interesting and important, so I studied hard and learned about law through books and internships.

提案: 回答过于直接且有重复，听起来不够自然（例如 I'm never interested in other dreams 含义绝对化且不够礼貌）。应先用一句主题句回答问题，然后用1-2句给出原因或例外，并使用连接词使句子更流畅。同时避免矛盾结尾（I just want to be a lawyer. Yes.）。

例: I usually don't share my dreams because I consider them personal and private. However, I sometimes tell close friends about my career goals if I need advice or support.

提案: 观点明确但表达有语法错误和措辞不当（a model that lead→that leads; navigation 前不需冠词；direction I efforts 不通）。应用简洁句子解释比喻，并举具体例子说明为什么重要。使用衔接词如 for example / therefore 增强逻辑。

例: Yes, I think dreams can have special meanings because they often guide our choices and goals. For example, my childhood dream of becoming a lawyer shaped the subjects I chose at school and motivated me to volunteer in legal clinics.

提案: 回答含混且语法错误（I want→I wanted; it is doesn't matter→it doesn't matter; you will moving on→you will move on）。表达上显得矛盾且缺少具体说明。建议先明确现在的态度，再解释原因或举例并用连接词如 although / however / because 提高条理性。

例: I used to feel strongly that I should make my dreams come true, but now I think it's more important that they guide my choices rather than becoming fixed goals. For instance, my dream of being a lawyer motivated me to study law even though I am open to related careers now.

× I used to dream to be a lawyer so that I can help more people and I think being loyal is very interesting and brilliant.

✓ I used to dream of being a lawyer so that I could help more people, and I thought being a lawyer was very interesting and rewarding.

原句中“dream to be”用法不正确，习惯说法是“dream of doing”或“dream of being”；また，“can”与过去时间状语“used to”不一致，需用过去式“could”；“being loyal”明显用词错误，应为“being a lawyer”（可能是发音/拼写错误），并且“brilliant”语义上不太自然，改为“rewarding（有成就感）”更贴切。建议：用“dream of doing/being”表达梦想，保持时态一致，核对词汇拼写与语义。

× So I want to be a loyal in the future when I was a child.

✓ So I wanted to be a lawyer when I was a child.

原句存在多处问题：时态混用（后半句“when I was a child”表过去，应把主句也用过去时）；“want to be”与过去背景不一致且“a loyal”用词错误，应为“a lawyer”。另外“不需要‘in the future’与‘when I was a child’同时出现”。建议：明确时间指向，若谈童年愿望用过去时并去掉矛盾短语。

× No, I have never shared my dreams with others because I think it is my privacy and I don't need to tell others and I'm never interested in other dreams.

✓ No, I have never shared my dreams with others because I think they are my private matters and I don't need to tell others; I'm also never interested in other people's dreams.

原句中代词不一致：先用复数“my dreams”却用单数“it”；应使用复数或复指结构如“they are my private matters”。另外“other dreams”应该明确为“other people's dreams”。建议：代词要与所指名词在人称与数上保持一致，注意所有格表达。

× I just want to be a lawyer. Yes.

✓ I just want to be a lawyer.

此句本身时态可以，但原对话尾加“Yes.”显得多余且口语中不必要。建议：在正式回答中省略多余的确认词或用完整句子表达。

× Yes, because a dream is like a model that lead our direction.

✓ Yes, because a dream is like a model that leads our direction.

动词“lead”在这里需要第三人称单数形式“leads”来与先行词“a dream”主语一致。建议：注意主语是单数时谓语用第三人称单数形式。

× It's just like a navigation.

✓ It's just like a navigation system.

名词“navigation”通常表示“导航、航行”的抽象概念，不适合单独指事物，常用“navigation system”或“a navigator”。建议：选择合适的名词搭配以表达“导航装置/系统”。

× So it is very important and it has a special meanings for me because it provides direction I efforts.

✓ So it is very important and it has special meaning for me because it provides direction for my efforts.

原句中“a special meanings”数不一致，应为“special meaning”（不可数或单数）；“provides direction I efforts”语序和介词错误，正确应为“provides direction for my efforts”。建议：注意名词单复数及固定搭配“provide direction for sth.”；代词所有格使用“my”。

× Maybe in the past I want to make my dreams come true, but now I think it is doesn't matter.

✓ Maybe in the past I wanted to make my dreams come true, but now I think it doesn't matter.

句中时态不一致：既然说“in the past”应使用过去式“wanted”而不是“want”。另外“it is doesn't matter”结构错误，应为“it doesn't matter”。建议：保持时态一致，注意否定结构的正确形式（主语+助动词+not）。

× Maybe it can just be a dream that's in your heart and it can lead you to the direction and you will moving on.

✓ Maybe it can just be a dream that's in your heart and it can lead you in the right direction, and you will move on.

原句中“lead you to the direction”搭配不自然，应为“lead you in/to the right direction”；“you will moving on”中动词形式错误，应为将来时“will move on”（助动词will后用动词原形）。建议：注意固定搭配和助动词后动词用原形。